Rude Awakening
by WaveGoodbye
Summary: Sometimes life hits you like a bucket of cold water. What do you do when someone alters your life without even trying? The Adventures of Barney & Hobbit, along with Coke vs Pepsi wars, José and a too-gay-to-function Mrs. C.
1. Welcome!

**Anyone who's on the Spashley forum knows this is just a re-posting of RA here with a couple of very minor punctuation/grammar changes.**  
**  
This is the very first piece of fanfiction I wrote (early 2007), so it has many areas it could improve on; I just don't see the point changing it too much as it would take an obscenely long time to do so and I just don't have the patience. In total, this has something stupid like 130 chapters. I got attached to them and couldn't settle on a place to end it, so it does run on a lot with more than a few chapters of random interraction.**

**There is also a sequel (I know, God, you have _more _to say?) that is still in-process but I'm trying to wrap it up and I thought maybe beginning to post RA here would help me with that.**

**It starts off slow (and short) but it eventually picks up, and I do, eventually, improve just a little bit.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned South of Nowhere, it's highly unlikely I'd be writing fanfiction based on it. I own nothing but the words and the occasional OC. **

**On with the story.**

* * *

It's Thursday afternoon. You do know what this means don't you? The worst day of the week. It's more than likely just another weekday for you, a day closer to the weekend. You're probably even wondering what's so terrible about Thursday afternoons but you, my friend, don't have to spend it with my mother.

Every Thursday we meet at a local café to catch up.

I use that terms loosely due to the fact I answer all the questions which usually centre around one thing and one thing only: my love life, or lack of, my mother likes to say.

Speaking of mommy dearest, I notice she's been gone for a while ordering our coffee. Glancing over to the counter I spot her talking to a pretty blonde, laughing obnoxiously loud while the girl barely manages a polite smile before pointing to a jock over by the door and makes a hasty exit.

You don't have to be a genius to figure out what happened there and trust me; I'm less than thrilled about it. Her car is so being keyed tonight_._

Great, she's on her way back to the table.

An almost-there smile appears on my face as my mother plonks herself in the seat across from me. With a grin, she asks, "So, when is the big day?" in a tone suggesting that I'm supposed to have a clue what she's talking about.

Suppressing an eye roll, I say, "What big day is that, mother?" as I reach for the sugar to add to my drink. Maybe if I put enough in I can make myself sick and go home early_._

"The day I get to meet my daughter's girlfriend, of course."

Ah, of course, why didn't I think of that? She's been obsessed ever since I came out last year. Too bad I don't remember her initial reaction_._

* * *

_Tripping up the stairs giggling and shushing myself, I reach my bedroom and push the door open a little too hard perhaps, as the door connects with the wall and makes a harsh thud that cuts through the silence._

_"You're drunk," I'm told pointedly._

_And wakes my mother. Fantastic._

_Feigning innocence I reply, "What? No, never!"_

_Wow that was almost convincing. I take a moment to congratulate myself on a job well done._

_"You're lying."_

_Moment over._

_"Okay, I had one drink, just one. I'm fine, I'll prove it to you!" I attempt to touch my index finger to my nose, successfully poking myself in the eye._

_Irritated, she asks me, "I trust you had more than a good time?"_

_A lazy grin appears on my face instantly. "Yeah, I had a pretty good time."_

_She's about to reply when I flop down onto the bed and slur, "Lesbian sex is so hot," before promptly falling asleep.  
_

* * *

I snap out of the memory as a hand waves past my eyes.

I groan. "We have this conversation every week, Mom. I'm not seeing anybody, just accept it," the last three words are said firmly.

Frowning slightly, she replies, "I don't understand, sweetheart. You're beautiful and smart, why aren't you in a relationship?"

She's right, I am beautiful and I am smart, however, relationships are not for me. Luckily so many girls don't care how long I use them for, one night usually does the trick. Taking a sip of my coffee, I answer honestly, "Because I don't want to be."

A smile appears on her face. This cannot be good.

"Oh honey, I see what this is.'' She raises her arm and gestures around the room. "Ladies and Gentlemen, meet my daughter, Shane McCutcheon."

My coffee almost sprays from my lips. "You watch The L Word?" I ask with wide eyes.

"Sometimes I'll catch and episode or two, yes. Alice and Dana were such a kick," she says with a chuckle.

There are often times where I question my mother's sexual orientation. This moment right here is one of them.

She stands from the table. "I'm just going to get a refill and then we can continue our discussion about your not-so-secret secret girlfriend.'' A knowing smile appears on her face as she leaves the table to join the queue to be served.

Acceptance, mother. Acceptance_._

Thinking of the next hour that promises to be filled with asked-a-thousand-times questions, I decide to take a different approach. My mother is relentless in a task until completed and so meeting my 'girlfriend' just once would accomplish that.

I see her ordering and dash outside to grab a girl, _any_ girl.

I don't look at her for more than a second —boobs, check, she'll do— before I drag her inside the café to my table.

"What the hell are you doing?" she demands.

Ugh, I'm so not in the mood for dramatics right now.I chance a look towards the counter and see my mom on her way back. _Shit_. I turn to her quickly. "You're my girlfriend for the next hour, make a scene and I'll kick your ass," I say before pressing my lips to hers.

"And just who might this be?" a sickeningly sweet voice asks.

Kill me now_._

The brunette I pulled in here appears to be part fish as she opens and closes her mouth repeatedly.

"Mom... meet my girlfriend."

I'm Spencer Carlin, welcome to my life_._


	2. The Happy Couple

The words have barely left my lips before my mother jumps out of her chair and attempts to squeeze the life out of the girl next to me. "I'm so happy to finally meet you!" She looks a step away from bouncing up and down. "Spencer here hasn't shut up about you for days. All I've heard is... Um…" she trails off and looks toward me for what I assume is a name.

How am I supposed to know her name? I just met the girl for God's sake. I decide to guess her name. Looking at her quickly, I notice how bad her clothes are. Nice pick, Carlin, next time why don't you head straight for the woman who sleeps on the bench? I roll my eyes, more than bored.

"Henrietta," I suddenly throw out there, no emotion in my voice. My mother couldn't be more relieved.

"Henrietta, Henrietta, _Henrietta_. It's like a broken record. You have no idea how much I've wanted to use the tranquilliser gun on her." Another loud and obnoxious laugh cuts through the palpable tension.

Oh mother, if _only_.

The fashion reject suddenly pipes up with, "Actually, my name is Ashley…." She's looking at me like I have two heads and my barely-there patience begins to waver.

"Henrietta is more of a nickname, Mom." Plausible. Nice one, Spence_._

Apparently ignoring my last comment, my mom stares intently at fish girl next to me. "So _Ashley_, how did you and Spencer meet?" she pries, her smile never faltering.

I feel a headache coming on and there's no way in hell I'm letting what's-her-name ruin this. We only have an hour to get through before I never have to see her again, probably sooner if Paula remembers she has errands to run.

Opening my mouth, I'm shocked to hear the brunette's voice before my own. "Actually, Spencer and I don't-"

I cut her off immediately. "Don't know how we lived without each other." I look over to her doing yet another fish impression and smirk. "Right, baby?"

She stops for a moment before sitting up a little straighter and smiling at me. "Right."

My mom is practically foaming at the mouth from hearing our exchange.

Now, this isn't so bad. Keep up the good work, Carlin_._ My celebration is cut short.

"I'd love to tell you about the first time I knew your daughter was… _special_," Ashley says.

Paula flashes her a grin before letting out an excited squee.

What did I tell you? Total 'mo.

I'm suddenly interested to hear what lame scenario she's thought up and make no attempt to silence her.

"We go to school together. I had a free period before lunch a few weeks ago and I was on my way to the parking lot when I hear somebody singing…"

My stomach nearly drops out of my ass.

Oh shit.

"…and I walk towards the music room to discover our Spencer here, one of the most unapproachable girls in the school, belting out an Olivia Newton John _classic_!"

I don't need a mirror to know how red I am. That bitch is going *_down*_.

Paula chuckles along at my expense. "Oh yes, Spencer does love those oldies, no matter how humiliating they are." She takes a long sip of her drink and focuses her attention on a face-pulling contest with a boy who looks about six. It takes everything I have inside not to kick her underneath the table.

My attention is suddenly pulled back to the girl next to me. "No, I thought it was cute," she says without a trace of malice. She's smiling at me.

I smile back.

Whoa, where the hell did that come from? Indifferent expression now firmly back in place? Check.

Apparently my mother also has the attention span of a six-year-old as she re-focuses her attention back to us.

"Ashley, what exactly are your intentions with my daughter?"

Unless of course it comes to my personal life.

I decide to save her from that question. "You know what? I just realised that…Ashley here doesn't have a drink." I look at my mom intently. "Mom, do you mind?" I nod toward the counter.

"Of course not, sweetheart." She gets up from the table. Thank god_._ "I'll just give you two girls a moment alone."

I'm surprised my eyeballs are intact; rolling them so much can't be good for them. Paula should come with a health warning.

Letting out a relieved sigh I pat my pockets, searching for my cigarettes.

"You want to tell me what the hell you think you're doing?" she growls at me as soon as my mother is out of earshot.

Who does she think she is, talking to me like that?

"I don't remember saying you could speak," I snap, already knowing I don't have a leg to stand on. Pride (non rainbow variety) getting in the way.

Gasping, she replies, "Oh no, I'm so sorry Princess Spencer. Please don't deport me back to my native land, I promise I'll be good!"

Wait for it…yep, there it is. The sarcasm is now dripping off the table and onto the floor.

"_You're_ pissed?" I ask her incredulously. "If anybody should be pissed here, it's me." I turn away from her and take a deep breath to calm myself, suddenly wishing I hadn't as the unmistakable stench of baby poo reaches my nose.

Hey lady, your 'precious angel' needs a diaper change. Or perhaps a colon detox. What the hell is in baby food these days?

"Oh of course, because everything else is revolved around you, right?" She doesn't let me interrupt. "You were dragged in here by a complete stranger to play happy families; to be bitched at for being nothing but _nice_ to you; to have the person who should be thanking you yell and then sulk like a child!"

I notice she's getting a little red from shouting back at me. I almost laugh.

"To sit here yelling at you while all I can smell is _baby crap_! To sit across from a woman who looks more into _me _than our 'relationship.' She actually air quotes that one. I give her a mental prop. "To have someone threaten you before _assaulting_ your mouth."

Oh please, it was just a peck. As if I'd want to kiss _that_ again.

"Exactly what I thought," is her final comment—for now.

I let her outburst sink in for a while before answering. "We aren't _complete_ strangers... we go to school together, right?" I try sheepishly.

She scoffs at me. "Whatever _sweetie_, you owe me."

Yeah, right. Over my dead body.

"Forget about it."

"Okay, but when your mom gets back she's going to know everything," the last word is more sung than spoke.

She's getting on my last nerve_._ "Fine, I don't care. Think about it and get back to me whenever."

I finally turn around and see the biggest triumphant smile on her face. It makes her nose crinkle up at the top.

Oh my god. Look somewhere else, _anywhere_ else... her rack! That'll do. Hmm, not bad.

I find myself wondering what colour her eyes are and take note of her seemingly flawless skin. When my eyes lock onto hers, I find I can't look away. They're deep and bright and just a little bit misplaced on her, judging from her first impression.

The air changes and it's not because 'demon diaper' has left. I decide to break the silence that surrounds us. "I hate your clothes," I reply, my gaze never leaving hers.

"You sound like Barney when you sing."

She's trying not to laugh and I break our stare to see her biting her lower lip. I imitate her earlier fish face. Noticing my mom who apparently got held up talking to a friend, she turns to me and taps her watch, seemingly having remembered something important we have to leave because of.

I stand and grab my jacket off the empty seat at the table, she does the same. "I guess a thank you is in order..." I trail off.

"A '_thank you'_ from Spencer stick-up-her-butt Carlin?" she teases.

I pick at a loose thread. "Yeah. Only a small thank you, though. I mean, anybody would have done the same thing, you're no saint."

She's smiling faintly at me and decides to put me out of my misery. "You're welcome."

I wonder of my mom is watching us. I chance a quick look in her direction that confirms my suspicions. Of course she's watching us.

Awkwardly leaning in to hug Ashley, she gives me a brief, chaste kiss at the side of my mouth that I can't quite believe. "Your mom is watching," she explains quickly.

Yeah... still awkward.

She's looking toward my mom now. "Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too, Ashen," she replies, cracking up from her lame attempt at humour and portmanteau. I roll my eyes, deciding it best to just sigh.

Ashley turns to look at me one last time before leaving. "See you at school, Barney."

And we're back with the eye roll. Lovely.


	3. Peachy Keen

Groaning, I switch the TV off and throw the remote to the other end of the couch in frustration, bored out of my mind from the loan commercials and unoriginal storylines that centre around most television series.

The only reason I sat through the full forty-five minutes of the show whose name I've already forgotten was down to my fascination of a female supporting character. She had the strangest laugh I've ever seen: no audible sound left her lips; her body just shook with the force of her silent cackle. She looked more like a human vibrator than a woman with the giggles.

I'm brought out of my thoughts by the incessant shrill of the phone. I roll my eyes and ignore it. If it's important they can just leave a message.

I look at the time and notice how late Paula is —again. She should have been home an hour ago. I decide to wait for her, not wanting to eat alone.

I have a love/hate relationship with her job. On one hand I love that she's out all the time, I'd rather be left alone without her constant prying, but on the other, it would be nice if she was around a little more. I stress a _little_. Anyway, that's the reason for our weekly lunch/coffee dates.

Most of her free time is spent with my dad, though. He's the only one in the family I can tolerate one-hundred per cent of the time. Glen is just a big ass, and Clay? Clay seriously needs to get laid; might bring out a personality.

I hear the front door open and close. "Spencer, you there?"

It's Paula. Be nice I tell myself.

"Living room, mom."

I vaguely take note of the answering machine beeping, alerting us to a new message. Whatever. She breezes into the room and sits down next to me. I want to ask her to move, her hospital scrubs make me more than a little nauseous. Or maybe it's just her_…_

"How was your Sunday, sweetheart?"

I pick at my nails. "Awesome. Kat came over and we braided each other's hair," I say with a straight face.

The sarcasm from that comment completely passes her by; as does the fact my hair is straight today. "That's nice. I like Kat, Spencer," she tells me sincerely.

Of course she likes Kat; she's the biggest prude this side of hell.

I grunt in acknowledgment that I heard what she said.

She pats my knee in a rapid beat and I try not to kick her and blame it on the knee-jerk response. "I spoke to your dad today. He'll be home tomorrow and he said to tell you I'd probably have wanted a monkey." She's confused. "Whatever that means."

I love that man, I really do.

Another beep alerts my mother that there's still an unheard message. She sighs and goes over to the machine to press play.

Taking a sip of my soda, I briefly wonder who could choose Coke over Pepsi. Coke is Pepsi's bitch.

An excited scream takes me by surprise and I spill my drink a little. Cursing under my breath, I wipe away what I can and then pick at the hole in my socks.

She's still screaming but she's moved into the kitchen to pace up and down. Curious, I go to join her. She's pouring herself a glass of wine now, hand unsteady, pausing only to take a sip and then resumes her wailing.

"You're happy," I comment dryly.

"No sweetheart, I'm... I'm..._ecstatic_!" She can barely speak; even sits down on a stool.

I wonder if Grandpa finally kicked it. I need a break from school anyway...

My eyes roll. "Why are you 'ecstatic'?"

She raises her glass quickly, spilling half of the contents on the floor. She's oblivious. "Peaches!" she suddenly squeaks.

"Clay bought you another fruit basket?"

This is just like him, surprising mom with gifts every now and then. Fucking loser.

"I have two Peaches tickets and a backstage pass!"

Biting back every possible reply for that, I just smile like I care.

She's shaking her head back and forth, "I ca-... I can't believe this." She shoots up, "I have to call your father!" and leaves me alone in the kitchen.

What next mother, Gay Pride?

She shouts from the living room, "Spencer, is there anything you'd like me to tell your dad?"

Yes, there is.

"Tell him he's definitely right about the monkey."

* * *

We ordered pizza for dinner. I was scared 'Mo would burn the house down in her euphoric state. She left a while ago to tell some of her friends at work her latest news and I'm alone again. I can't say I mind though, tonight calls for some serious music therapy.

I reach under my bed and pull out a box of CD's I keep hidden.

I can hear the phone ringing again. I bet it's an Olivia Cruise rep calling to confirm Paula's reservation. I ignore it and place my CD inside the stereo, turning the volume up a little to block out the noise.

''I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you, I know you were right believing for so lo-'' I'm interrupted yet again by the constant ringing downstairs.

Doesn't anybody take a hint these days?

I take my time walking down the stairs. That is until the phone rings again. Enraged, I snatch up the receiver. "What?"

"Finally," the voice on the other end drags out. "What are you, deaf, Barney?"

Great, it's Ashley.

"Suddenly that doesn't sound so bad." I pause. "And how the hell did you get this number?" I demand of her.

"Jeez, calm down. It's not like I dragged you into a coffee shop to meet my mother-" she stops for a second before continuing. "No... That, I believe, was _you._" I think she's smirking.

"You're a funny one, Kelly."

"_Ashley,_" she emphasizes.

Whatever_._

"Whatever. I'm busy, what do you want?"

"To tell you that your little stunt the other day gave me a cold sore. You gave me herpes, bitch!" Her tone suggests slight amusement.

I scoff. "Nice try but I don't have herpes, Henrietta."

I hear an irritated sigh and I smirk in triumph. She's too easy_._

"It's _Ashley,_ retard."

"What…do…you…want?" Each word is said slowly.

"I wanted to tell you I've thought about how you can repay me for last week."

I scoff slightly. "Yeah, that doesn't really work for me. Besides, kissing you was punishment enough, don't you think?"

"You aren't getting away from this. A deal is a deal. Meet me at school tomorrow morning." She waits a little, to let it sink in I'm guessing. "Oh, and Spencer?" she asks sweetly.

Irritated, I crack my neck. "What?"

"If you're late, it's going to be double."

This time I can _feel_ her smirking.

"Bye Holly," I manage to say through clenched teeth.

"See you tomorrow, Barney." The phone clicks off.

* * *

I go to sleep looking forward to making Ashley's day hell.


	4. Barney Will Cut You

I wake up the next morning and just like every other, I curse the unreasonably warm weather — because god forbid it actually rained around here, and the birds that continue to chirp outside my bedroom window, no matter _what _I throw at them.

I continue to lie there and blink dumbly, trying to push the last remnants of sleep away and become more than semi-conscious. Suddenly wide awake, I realise what's going to happen today.

After my shower I go into the kitchen and to my surprise Paula is sitting at the breakfast bar, eating cereal. I try to keep the convincing polite look on my face long enough to ask, "Aren't you going to be late for work, mom?"

After realizing she's no longer alone she jumps out of her seat and skids into the kitchen_._ She reappears soon after with a bowl and the jug of milk. Almost blinding me with her smile, she greets me with, "Good morning, sunshine."

I see her mood hasn't changed. Sigh.

"I see you're still happy." My smile drops as soon as she looks away.

"I didn't sleep a wink last night, Spence! I keep thinking it's a dream and any second now I'm just going to wake up."

Welcome to my life_._ I smile sympathetically as she pours milk over my cereal.

Taking a closer look, I see we have the same cereal — Lucky Charms.

"And to answer your earlier question: no, I won't be late for work. I took the morning off to go shopping." I wonder if she realises she spits when she talks? "I can't look bad in front of Merril now, can I?"

She actually knows her real name. Big shocker.

"No, of course not."

"And how are my beautiful girls doing today?" A voice interrupts.

Score, it's Clay.

I yawn, already bored of him.

"Morning honey, do you want breakfast?" Paula rises from her chair before Clay jumps in.

"No, I can't. I have a test first period and I'm going to the library to check my notes one more time." He smiles at me and I refrain from throwing an orange that's in arms reach at him. "Have a good day, guys."

God, I hate him.

"You too," I shout to his retreating form.

"I'm going to get ready now, Spence. I'll see you later."

'"Yeah..."

Walking into the kitchen to put my bowl in the sink, something catches my eye. Taking a closer look I see there's something on the calendar for today.

'**Peaches concert : D !**' I don't try to suppress this eye-roll.

* * *

Arriving at school on time — definitely a first_,_ I wonder where Ashley is after previously checking everywhere I could think of. Convinced she pranked me, I silently seethe. We'll see who gets the last laugh.

On my way to class I notice Madison and Sherry coming out of the girls bathroom, Madison's eyes lingering on her friends rear a little longer than would be deemed 'friendly'.

I didn't see Ashley all day and I couldn't have been in a worse mood, not even seeing Clay do a face-plant brought me out of my sour mood.

My dad arrived home and I couldn't even speak to him, focusing all my attention on the trick I was sure Ashley had played on me. 

* * *

Sitting in my English class a few days later I roll my eyes at Madison and Sherry who are currently pointing inside a catalogue screeching "That is _fierce_!"

If it doesn't work for Tyra, it sure as hell ain't gonna work for you_._

"Hi Spencer!" A shrill voice from behind me exclaims.

Who the hell is speaking to me?

I turn around to see Kat attempting yet another conversation with me. I flip her off just as the teacher walks in. Not being able to stand the class any longer than five minutes, I stand up. "Bathroom pass!"

Strolling towards the parking lot I hear laughter and head towards it, curious. As I get closer I notice Ashley is in the fray.

"Hey dyke Davies," one of the jocks begin, shouting, "catch," before pushing a girl into her. Ashley tumbles to the floor, unable to keep them both upright under the sudden weight.

I wait for Ashley to make a smart-ass comment prior to flooring the guy who just inflicted public humiliation onto her.

She doesn't say anything.

What's that about?

The crowd laughs as they leave Ashley on the floor.

Wow, I have to say…I didn't see that one coming.

I offer a hand to help her up and she smacks it away, humiliated. "I don't need your help, I'm fine." She begins to pick up the contents of her bag that must have fallen out before I got here.

I smirk. "Oh so you _can_ speak? I wondered if someone had cut out your tongue."

"What do you want, Spencer?"

She sounds tired and I can't help feel a little bad for her. I shake my head, "Nothing." She looks at me. "Nothing..." I repeat before she scurries off towards the bathroom, leaving me to wonder why I was so nice to her after her stunt earlier in the week.

My phone alerts me to my new picture message and I cringe as I see who it's from. Forever burned into my retinas is my mom sitting on _Merrill's_ lap, her hands all over her, sporting the biggest grin I've ever seen. Ugh.

I roll my eyes and decide to follow Ashley into the bathroom. It's empty besides the stall on the far left. Knowing she's hiding in here I impersonate a bad Southern accent. "Timmy! Oh my, Timmy! Did you fall in again?"

"_Ashley_," she emphasizes. "And no, I didn't. Go away."

Her request is ignored, as usual. "Okay _Ashley_, are you ever going to leave the stall? Should I bring lunch in there, maybe dinner?" She's smiling, I know it.

"That won't be necessary."

"Are you sure, because I don't mind. We can break out some classics over mac 'n' cheese," I tell her, slightly entertained.

"No thanks, I'll pass. Besides...your music sucks." Her voice echoes slightly off the empty walls.

Ignoring her last comment I ask her, "Why do you speak to me?"

"What?" she's confused.

"I mean those guys earlier, you just let them humiliate you and you didn't even say anything but when you're with me there doesn't seem to be an off switch," I say, partly serious.

"Children's characters don't intimidate me, sorry," she teases. I roll my eyes.

"Whatever." I try to bite back the smile that threatens to break out. I carry on, "Come out here, I want to show you something." I open my phone ready to give her.

"Can't."

"Why?"

"Comfy."

"Get out here or I'll kick your ass," I say, briefly remembering the first time I threatened her.

Maybe I should enrol in anger management.

She opens the door and sticks her head out, looking cautious. "You aren't going to kiss me again are you?" she asks, her face serious.

I scoff. "You wish, Henry." I pause, handing her my phone. "Anyway, here... this might make you feel better."

Her eyes widen as she erupts into a fit of giggles. "Oh my god, that's your mom!" She takes a breath. "And she's frisking Peaches!" she exclaims, cracking up yet again.

I laugh along with her, unable to help myself.

* * *

After being quiet for what seems like forever, she points out the window. "Hey, isn't that your brother?"

I look out the window to see Clay walking around with toilet paper trailing behind, stuck to his sneaker. What a loser_._ "He's adopted," I say firmly.

"Duh."

She's suddenly quiet again and I notice her eyes are duller. Unable to help myself I ask her what's wrong.

She doesn't answer me.

Knowing what's wrong with her I continue talking. "Don't think about those guys, they're all going to end up bald and fat anyway."

She sighs, remaining silent.

I keep my voice quiet. "Have you ever had one of those days, Ashley, that are just…perfect?" She turns to look at me. "I have. This isn't it — this _so_ isn't it — but you just have to remember that there's always tomorrow, you know?"

Where the hell did that come from?

"Thank you," she tells me sincerely.

Feeling decidedly awkward after my little outburst, my tone turns cool. "Whatever, my 'debt' is paid now, so don't even think about asking me for anything else."

"We'll see, Barney. We'll see." She's smirking and I want to wipe it off her smug little face.

"My name is _Spencer_. Maybe you're the one who is hearing impaired."

If she heard my last comment before walking towards the door, she didn't let on.

God, I hate her.


	5. Family Portrait

If somebody was to walk in here at this precise moment, they would see me with my legs hanging off the back end of the couch, moaning.

Get your mind out of the gutter, perv_._ I'm upside down watching an old Grey's Anatomy rerun. Whenever I see Meredith or Derek pop up the screen or hear the ever populating ''McDreamy'' reference, I throw my legs off the end of the couch so the blood rushing to my head blocks out most of their dialogue. It hurts after a while though, hence the moaning. Plus it's easier to see who has the best ass. It's a toss-up between Izzie and Addison.

I hear a car pull up to the driveway, not bothering to move to greet whoever is home — I could care less_._ I continue to let the blood rush to my head. The front door opens and Paula is the first to speak, "Spencer, are you there?"

Still not wanting to verbally communicate with anybody I wave a foot around in the air to confirm my presence in the house.

Is that... peppermint I can smell?

"Spencey Wencey!"

Oh dear god, no. I'll do anything!

Flipping myself upright my suspicions are confirmed, Grandpa Carlin is really here, standing less than ten feet away.

"Grandpa!" I screech, faux smile in place.

He stumbles forward and holds my hand tightly. "You've grown up so much since the last time I saw you!" He pauses to look around the room, probably forgetting where he was for a moment —again_._ I already know his next sentence. "Turn around for me, Spencer. I want to take a good look at you."

I oblige graciously.

"You look _more_ like your grandmother every goddamn time I see you." He smiles proudly.

Thinking of grandma's saggy tits, I frown. Harsh bastard_._

He continues on, "You must fight the boys off with sticks!"

Naturally_._

I laugh politely at the cliché remark. "Grandpa..."

* * *

There's only one thing I hate more than family time, and that's the fact Glen can get out of it any time he wishes. _Fucker._

I'm currently sitting in a Seafood restaurant, squished into the corner of the smallest 'family booth' I've ever seen, everybody forgetting the fact I don't like seafood. What's the big deal about sushi anyway? Raw fish? I'll pass.

"Spence, do you know what you want?" my dad asks from beside me, in turn bringing me out of my sushi musings.

"I'm not really all that hungry, just get me a salad."

After being in the same company as Grandpa and Clay for too long, my hunger goes right out the window, along with my patience. _Bye guys…_ I sigh.

"Try to be more patient, Spence. He'll be gone soon." He leans closer. "And if he isn't, you can rob his wallet."

Knowing Grandpa is loaded, I smile. "Good plan."

My dad gets up with everybody else to choose the lobster they'll be ingesting tonight, obviously trying to make the poor thing suffer even more. They're inside a tank in a restaurant, they can probably hear every mouth water.

Looking around I notice a man in the corner eating the biggest meal I have ever seen. With colossal squid apparently on the menu, I look on disgusted as he digs in like he hasn't eaten in days.

"Shall I get a bucket for that face?"

Fantastic.

"I guess they're hiring anybody these days, huh?"

She points to the left. "Children's entertainment is that way."

My eyes roll on their own accord. "Whatever, Susan. Get me a salad." I look around the room, bored.

Ashley looks on, unfazed. "I see you still have that memory lapse."

"Oh, and if you spit in it, I'll-"

"Kick my ass?" she asks, eyebrows risen.

"Nice to know you aren't as dumb as you look."

"Wish I could say the same for you," she comes back with, turning away to walk away in the direction of the kitchen.

* * *

Back to being squished in between 'the fam', I sit sipping my Long Island Iced Tea — thank you, daddy—and pull a face as I see Ashley bringing out our food.

"Ashley!" Paula squeals, raising her arm and knocking my drink all over me.

Ugh, you moron!

Ashley hurries over with a pile of napkins. "Here," she says, trying to keep the amusement out of her voice. She fails miserably.

I snatch them out of her hands. "Whatever."

Paula decides to introduce Ashley. Smiling proudly, she turns to her father. "Albert, this Spencer's _special_ friend, Ashley. Ashley, this is my father, Albert."

Kill me. Please, just get it over with.

Looking up at her and true to his age, the real meaning of that statement goes right over his bald head. "Lovely to meet you, dear. It's nice to know Spencer has such responsible friends." He looks in my direction. "This one here has never worked a day in her life. I keep telling her mother to crack the whip but no, she _can't_," he laughs mockingly.

I'm momentarily stunned by grandpa's 'greeting'.

Ashley smiles and glances over to me. "Yeah, she definitely needs a whipping."

"I need to use the bathroom," I say suddenly.

* * *

After everybody slides out of the booth one-by-one to let me out, I slam the restroom doors behind me, cursing my family and *_her*_.

"You should consider taking drum lessons; I hear it helps with rage." Ashley crooks a brow and smirks.

"Does this look like a kitchen to you? Get back to work," I snap.

Her gaze travels to my ass and doesn't appear to be moving anytime soon.

"Hey! My face is this way." I point up and she still doesn't avert her gaze. "What the hell are you looking at?"

"I'm just trying to see if I can pull that stick out..."

I turn around so she can no longer look. "You are unbelievable!" I seethe. "What the hell do you want?"

"To see if you needed any more help drying off your pants," She teases.

"Whatever, get back to waiting tables. That is, after all, what you're paid for."

* * *

Not being able to help herself, "Spencer, have you and Ashley had a fight?" Paula asks as I return to the table with a sour face I can't seem to remove, despite my best efforts.

Not Ashley again... "No, why do you ask?"

"I sense tension between you two, that's all." Before I get a chance to reply, she adds on, "Maybe I'm wrong, maybe it's the _other_ tension." She winks at me.

Oh, God.

"Mom!" I clench my jaw, disgusted with the fact my mother just suggested such a thing, and with _Ashley_, of all people

"I was young once too, Spence. I understand about all of those _urges._" She nudges me.

Apart from wanting to beat her senseless, Ashley brings out no other 'urge' of mine.

I roll my eyes, ignoring Paula's last comment.

* * *

After finishing my salad a while ago, I'm forced to wait on everybody else.

Looking around, I spot Ashley who is staring right at me, lacking any kind of embarrassment at being caught. She smiles and, for a reason unknown to myself, I find myself smiling back.


	6. Escape From Hell

I'm lying down on my bedroom floor listening to the radio with Nelly, Justin and Timbaland currently playing. I can't help but laugh over Justin's tone on 'give it to me, give it to me, give it to me.' Come out already, Justin. What's the worst that could happen? Thinking of my mom and her current lesbian obsession, I reconsider. Or maybe just stay safely inside_._

Grandpa still hasn't left; he wanted to stay an extra week to spend some more 'quality time' with me.

Thus the reason I've been faking stomach flu for the past three days in an attempt to get rid of him, but he insists to stay until I'm well again. I roll my eyes, fairly sure in an alternate universe I would think that was sweet. Having 'stomach flu' has made sure somebody is watching my every move. It's hard to sneak downstairs and get something to hold myself over until the next time everybody else is busy. Doesn't mean I can't try though.

Walking towards the top of the staircase, I avoid every creaky floorboard, having done this a thousand times before under different circumstances. I'm a pro.

Listening closely to determine whether or not it's safe, I hear Paula coming out of the downstairs bathroom and drag her feet back to the living room where I assume she and everybody else were having a movie night.

Deciding it's safe, I creep downstairs and into the kitchen but not before I hear Paula ask if everybody is comfortable to resume watching the DVD. 'Prepare for total domination... domination.' I sigh quietly.

She's watching Bring It On. _Again_. She insists it's because Eliza Dushku is such a 'great actress'. Sure it is, mother.

I fix myself a sandwich as quickly as I can and stealthily make my way to the staircase.

"Baby sis!"

Throw a party, Glen's home_._

Turning around, I put what I hope to be a weak expression on my face. "What?"

He's about to say something when he notices the food in my hand. '"Got the munchies, Spence?" He does his trademark half smirk that I hate so much.

I scowl. "I haven't eaten in days. I've had _stomach flu_ in case you haven't noticed."

Glen takes the sandwich from my hands. "Well you won't mind if I take this then, will you? I wouldn't want you to puke again."

I reluctantly resist from snatching back the snack, knowing if I don't let him have it he will tell mom about the last few days. Prick_._

As I reach the top of the stairs I hear a strange sound coming from Clay's room. Walking into his bedroom I see him sitting on his window ledge, cooing with one of the pigeons.

Fucking freak_._

* * *

The next afternoon I decide to end the stomach flu illusion due to my starvation. Walking downstairs to fill up on everything I possibly can, I hear the phone ring. Paula is the first to get to it. She answers in her 'telephone voice'. "Carlin residence." Her tone becomes less professional as she hears who it is. "Oh...hi, honey. Is everything okay?" she asks, sounding concerned. "That sounds like fun! I'll let everyone know. See you tonight!"

Ugh, not another family outing...

"Spence! Ooh, looks like _someone_ is feeling better."

If it wasn't for the food I practically inhaled just now, I would have denied everything and head back to my room. Seeing no possible way out of it, I nod. "Much better, mom."

"Good. That was just Glen calling from school; he invited us all to watch his game tonight."

I don't think so.

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Mom. I still have the virus in my system and I don't want to risk giving it to anybody at school..."

"Don't be silly, Spencer. Besides, your Grandfather will be there too." She grins.

Parents, grandparents, Clay, _and _a school function? Why not just throw me to the lions?

I'm left with no other option than to nod and smile. "Sounds like fun."

* * *

Grandpa, Clay, Paula and my Dad are sitting holding a 'Gooooo Glen!' sign in the air, cheering him on at every given opportunity. Scoffing as he shoots yet another perfect basket, I look around the gym to see who actually attends these things voluntarily. I laugh as I see Kat sitting with the rest of the alternates in her cheerleading uniform, trying to pull it down so to cover herself a little more. Such a prude_…_

I get up to make my way outside when Paula stops me. "Honey, you okay?" She looks at me slightly concerned.

I'm great_._

"Yeah, just need some water and air," I say, waving my water bottle in the air a little.

"Okay, don't do anything I wouldn't do!" She laughs.

Of course not_._

I put my head to the side a little as I do every time I want to appear innocent. "Oh, like I would!" I laugh politely.

* * *

I throw my water bottle to the side as soon as I get outdoors and sigh in relief, pleased I find what I was looking for. Lighting my cigarette, I close my eyes and enjoy the nicotine running through my veins.

Ahh…silence.

"Can't you read, Barney?"

Choking on my current drag as I'm startled, I scowl at her.

Ashley walks over to pick up my smokes that fell to the floor. She reads off the packet, "Smoking increases the risk of lung cancer. Smoking seriously harms your health. Smoking—"

"What do you want? Shouldn't you be running up and down at the restaurant or something?"

"It's my day off."

I look at her disbelievingly. "And you want to spend it _here_?"

She shrugs. "I'm just supporting my friend."

"I'm not your friend," I point out.

Ashley looks momentarily hurt but she recovers quickly. "My friend Kat just got on the cheerleading team..."

Of course they're friends...

"I didn't know you two were friends."

She nods slightly. "We aren't best friends or anything, but she asked me and I couldn't say no."

I take another drag of my cigarette. "Ahh."

"Besides, she actually remembers my name," she teases

I remember your name, I just decide not to use it.

"If you're here supporting Kat, then why are you out here?"

She's looking at me like she was a few days ago in the restaurant. "I heard you've been sick and when I saw you come outside I wondered if something was wrong."

I don't quite know how to respond to that properly so I answer the only way I can: "I wouldn't do the same for you."

She smiles at me and it doesn't take long to figure out why: I already did the same for her.

Finishing my cigarette, I flick it over to a bush hoping to maybe start a fire. No such luck.

I climb up onto a crate to look at 'The Addams Family' and roll my eyes.

"You roll your eyes too much, you know that?"

I nod. "You would if you had a family like that." I point to them, Clay and Grandpa bopping in unison.

Ashley looks like she's thinking about something. "Let's get out of here," she suggests a moment later.

Curious, I answer, "And go where?''

"Anywhere," she tells me simply before heading over to her car. She turns to look back. "Are you coming?"

I glance back to the game, mulling it over for all of two seconds before getting up to follow her.


	7. Coke vs Pepsi

We've been driving for about an hour. Spontaneity is awesome, but _not_ when there isn't a single place you can think of going. Ashley has been driving me insane, constantly asking I know where I want to go and to let her know 'as soon as'.

Yes Ashley, of course.

I've had six missed calls from Paula and one hysterical voicemail _begging_ me to let her know I was safe and that she loves me. I roll my eyes and wonder what state she'd be in if I was to stay out all night without a single phone call. I smile, knowing she'd be a wreck.

Ashley does have a nice car, I have to admit. Though I never would have guessed she'd pick this model, she can't even pick a decent outfit so the fact I'd cut off an arm to own this says a lot.

Ashley interrupts my current chain of thought with another pointless question. "Know where you want to go yet?"

Ugh.

"Don't you think I'd tell you if I had?" I didn't keep the frustrated tone out of my voice and she definitely picked up on it.

"I'm doing all the heavy lifting here; all you have to do is pick the damn place you want to go."

Oh please.

I scoff slightly at her dramatics. "Heavy lifting? All you're doing is driving a Porsche and asking pointless questions that I don't have the answers to."

She takes her eyes off the road for a second to look at me. "I'm doing more than you. All you've managed to do for an hour is roll your eyes." Anger seeps out of her tone.

"Whatever, I'm thirsty. Pull over." I unbuckle my seatbelt quickly, more than ready to get out of the car.

"Gonna drink from the battery?" she sneers, apparently not noticing our surroundings.

I point to the store that's just in view. "No, freak. I'm going inside to get a Pepsi." I pause. "And I'm not buying you anything either, so get out of the car."

* * *

Clutching my dear, dear Pepsi and an armful of chips, I peer around the corner of what I have renamed 'grease aisle' just in time to see Ashley reaching for a bottle of Coca Cola. Not on my watch, Davies. I march right on up to her and take the enemy right out of her hands.

She snatches it back. "Um, excuse me, that's mine. Get your own."

I take it from her again. "This is Coke," I point out.

"Congratulations, you can read. Give it back."

I hold it up in the air so she can't reach it. "Nobody chooses Coke over Pepsi when they're around me. I'm sorry, it's my main rule."

She doesn't look impressed. "Well, it's going to be broken today because I'm not leaving without my Coke."

All about the drama, this one.

"Why would you choose _Coke_ over Pepsi? Don't you have taste buds?"

"Why would you choose _Pepsi_ over Coke? Don't _you_ have taste buds?" she challenges me.

"Coke is too sweet, it's like liquefied cotton candy," I say simply as she walks towards the counter to pay.

"You're a weird one, Carlin."

"I could say the same for you!" I shout after her, only just noticing she picked up a Pepsi instead.

* * *

I left my phone in the car and by the time we had gotten back I had a further two missed calls and one voicemail. It was from Clay, sounding so worried that something had happened to me. I turned my phone off halfway through it, bored of the frantic tone in his voice.

"It's going to be dark soon, Barney. Do you know where you want to go yet?"

I'm just about to berate her for asking me that question _yet again_ when I notice the looming sunset. "Yeah, I know where I want to go."

* * *

"Could you maybe climb a bit faster? My view isn't all that great from here."

Turning around, I look down a little to where Ashley is currently trying to balance her Pepsi between holding on to the grass and trying not fall down.

Like I want her this close to my ass_._

"Look, we're almost halfway, alright? I told you there'd be a little climbing involved. I don't know why you're acting like it's a shock," I say before resuming to my previous task of getting up the embankment to the gate.

"Yes, _climbing._ You however failed to mention ditching my car about a quarter mile before your 'fortress of solitude'."

Is she mocking me?

"I already told you why we needed to do that," I point out.

"No, you really didn't," she tells me, expression unamused.

I wave my arm around a little, gesturing around. "It's a restricted access area. If the cops see any kind of car — especially a Porsche — outside, then they'll come bursting in here. I figured I'd save you from that experience."

"Oh...thanks then, I guess."

We reach the top of and climb over the small gate.

"_More_ climbing?" she asks, looking past me.

I roll my eyes in mock annoyance. "Yes, but it's all downhill from here. You'll be fine."

She fixes her gaze back to me and smirks. "Fine, but if I fall, you're _so_ coming down with me."

I can't help but smile. "Okay drama queen, if your clumsy ass falls, you can pull me down with you." 

* * *

Aside from a skid near the bottom, Ashley did just fine. We're sitting at my usual spot, on a high ledge in the far corner, just in front of the trees with our legs swinging slightly off the edge. Ashley has been quiet so far, the only sound came from her Pepsi bottle.

From the corner of my eye, I see her turn to face me. "Can I ask you something, Spencer?"

Deciding not to be rude, I turn to face her, also. "Depends what it is."

"Why are we here?" She looks around to the small half knocked down building, various beer bottles, weeds, mud and graffiti covered walls that are currently in view from our location.

I take a good look at the place that has come to be my haven and decide to answer her honestly. "Because it's beautiful here."

She looks like she's trying to see what I do, so I decide to explain myself. "Look up to the sky, Ashley. See how beautiful the sunlight shines? Now look around where we are, see how it casts off everything dead and broken and ugly to make it beautiful again." I pause to let her take it in. "Now, close your eyes an-"

"So you can run off with the keys and leave me here alone? I don't think so."

Not a bad idea, Davies.

I smile, not being able to help myself. "I wouldn't steal your keys. Your Pepsi however..." I trail off.

She shakes her head and obliges to my earlier request.

I keep my voice quiet. "You hear that?"

She doesn't reply verbally, she just shakes her head.

"Silence," I say, simply.

After enjoying the quiet for several minutes, Ashley cuts in, her voice low, "You're not what I expected you to be, you know." Her eyes remain shut.

I imitate her and close my eyes, keeping my voice quiet. "I know what you mean."


	8. See You Around, Sandy

**Chapter 8.**

Contrary to popular belief, I love a lot of things: hot girls, good food, setting Clay up for public humiliation, Pepsi.. that sort of thing. But I've come to find that most people like to put others in boxes because they're afraid of the unknown. I'm not, I love the unknown. It's exciting. Plus, I know that sometimes, no matter how you come to perceive something or somebody, they just defy all logic.

You'll see what I mean.

Another love of mine is sleep. Really, I'm like a bear. Or at least I try to be, which is why when my phone rings at two a.m. I'm just about ready to rip somebody a new one.

I growl into the receiver, "I don't care who you are. I'm going to kill you."

"My my, such hostility from such a young girl. Don't they make pills for this sort of behaviour?"

_Ashley._

"Who the hell is this? And you better start saying goodbye to your loved ones."

"You can't just say hello, can you?" She's amused. "There's _what?_ And then there are death threats, but no simple hello."

_Its 2 a.m., I'm perfectly within my rights to dish out a few threats._

"Hello," I answer, stiffly. "Why are you calling _me_, or anybody else for that matter, at two in the freaking morning?"

"Well hello there, sleeping beauty. And to answer your question, I have insomnia. You came to mind."

I run a hand through my unruly locks. "Sorry to burst your bubble but I'm not one for late night talks and pillow fights."

"Sorry to burst _your_ bubble but that isn't why I called you. I called you because I knew you would bore me to sleep."

_She's got a pair, this one._

I'm fast losing what little patience I have. "Listen Henrietta, it's two in the morning and to be honest, trading insults with you isn't really a top priority. Count your ceiling tiles or something."

"Done that, already."

I briefly chew on my bottom lip in thought. "Count backwards from a thousand."

"Done that, too."

I hear her moving around a little. "Where are you moving to?"

"My bed is uncomfortable, I was getting more pillows."

"Oh, okay." Getting an idea I speak again, "Or you could always just watch Glitter. Trust me, that brings fatigue to the best of us."

I don't hear a reply and wonder if she's fallen asleep. "Ashley? Are you awake?"

"I'm here, Spence. It's just..." she trails off.

"It's just?"

Ashley sighs a little. "I like Glitter," she tells me, quietly.

_Blackmail material, finally!_

My eyes widen in shock and I laugh —loudly.

"A Coke, Glitter-loving lesbian. Who woulda thought?"

"Shut up, Pepsi-loving freak." There's a comfortable silence before I hear, "I think I can sleep now, Spencer. Thanks for the uh... Insults?" She laughs quietly and I smile.

"See you around, Sandy."

Grandpa left last week, two days after the basketball game. He wanted to get back to Grandma and I couldn't have been happier. Don't get me wrong, I love Gramps to death. Our weekly phone calls are what I look forward to: *_Phone calls*._ Surprise visits, however, tend to throw me a little.

I hear a knock at my bedroom door and before I open my mouth to either allow them in or tell them to stay out, Paula walks in. I hate that: a knock and then opening the door without receiving a response. I always want to shout at whoever it is to just knock and wait or don't knock at all.

_I should really get a lock in here…_

"Hey Spence, you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Because you're locked away in here when it's such a beautiful day outside."

_Because it's such horrendous weather, usually._

"I know, I'll be going out later."

"Going anywhere nice with anybody I know?" Her eyes light up.

"No." I continue flicking through my magazine.

"Maybe you'd like to invite Ashley with you?" she suggests.

I want to get away from Ashley, for the past few weeks she's been popping up everywhere.

"Maybe..."

She grins. "That's great honey, you two need to spend more time together."

I mumble a reply and she leaves the room.

* * * *

I just walked out of English with Madison constantly trying to make *_anybody's*_ life hell, which is why seeing her get a bucket full of water thrown over her head and looking like a drowned rat was the highlight of my day. I smirk as she fights back the tears, Sherry fawning all over her.

But everybody knows with every high...

"Hey Spencer."

Comes a low.

Turning around I see Ashley, also amused over the latest events. "Glitter girl, to what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I need a favour."

_No way._

I fake a cough. "I'm sick."

"Is this where I'm supposed to say 'Boo, you whore'?" Her eyebrows rise.

"Whatever. Tell me what it is and I'll tell you if I suddenly have an incurable thirst and need lots of bed rest."

"My cousin has tickets for some show and she needs a babysit-"

I cut in, "You know what? I _am_ feeling a little thirsty... I'll just be on my way." I try to move past her but her arm blocks my way.

She hands me a water bottle from her bag. "Well drink on up, because I already said yes."

I roll my eyes at her stupidity. "Have fun with that."

"For both of us." She begins to smirk.

"You think this is funny? I don't do babies. I hate babies. You signed up for that, I didn't."

"Come on, Spence. I had to endure the same torture with your mom, _plus_ I had to kiss you," she points out, pulling a face.

"I thought we had this discussion already. My debt was paid," I say firmly.

"I didn't say that, you did."

"I'm not going, Ashley. I hate babies."

* * * *

We're at Ashley's house, she thought it would be better for us both considering her cousin lives quite a while away. Currently in my view is the biggest living room I have ever seen, a bare butt —not Ashley's, and more toys than Toys R Us. Ashley is changing 'Chucky's' diaper, which previously smelled like something had crawled up his ass and died. Now she's applying the powder and making weird baby noises which he seems to enjoy.

-

Ashley has resorted to swinging baby Kris around in the air making aeroplane noises and I can't help but roll my eyes. "Why don't you just give him a toy to play with or something?" I ask.

"Because babies need human interaction as well as anything else. You can't just let them sit there with a toy all the time, their brains need stimulating." She pauses, "Here, I think he likes you." Kris is suddenly held out toward me.

"I don't think so, he looks a little green."

She raises her eyebrows. "You said that as soon as you saw him. He's cute, admit it."

"He's evil."

"He's not evil; he's the cutest thing in the entire world." Ashley turns him back around to face her. "Aren't you, huh? Aren't you?"

My tone is dry with respond with, "I don't think he's going to reply Ashley, unless you speak spit bubble."

She's unfazed. "I'm going to order pizza, hold him."

"Take him with you."

"No, hold him."

I reluctantly take Chucky and hold him at arm's length as Ashley goes off to order the pizza. He's staring at me and I stare right back, indifferent expression on my face when suddenly... he smiles at me.

_Okay... so he's not 'Chucky'._

Chancing a look to where Ashley skipped off to and then back to Kris, I smile quickly and he soon laughs. I move over towards Ashley's couch and pat his back awkwardly for a few moments.

Ashley is apparently done on the phone. "Okay, pizza is on its way," she announces, stopping to look at Kris. "Spencer, I think you should maybe—"

-

_I hate babies._

After changing into one of Ashley's tops after *_Chucky*_ decided to throw up the contents of his stomach, we sit down to eat pizza and Ashley is trying to decide on a suitable DVD for him to watch. I sigh and go over to her impressive collection.

I grab a random DVD off the shelf and hold it out to her. "Here, this will do."

Ashley looks at me incredulously. "Somehow I don't think The Texas Chainsaw Massacre will go over very well." She walks past me to put it back.

"Okay fine, you pick one."

I resume eating my pizza and watch as Ashley puts a DVD in the machine, bringing Kris over to sit in between us on the floor.

After seeing the choice of film, I turn to her. "And seeing your mother dead is any better?"

"Bambi is a classic. Plus, it's an animation, it's perfect for him."

I smile into my slice of pizza. "If you say so."

* * * *

After an unwanted phone call from my mother asking how everything was going, I return to the living room to see Ashley holding Kris, both of whom are asleep, Kris nestled safely under her chin.

I walk over to them and cover them both with a blanket.

_She looks cute._

My eyes widen in disbelief and after writing Ashley a note which simply read, "Had to leave, keep my money," I left.

_ _ _ 


	9. Surprise Visitor

Have you ever wanted to sit in a room that's dark, so dark it isn't even black, just to see how long you can stand it: seeing absolutely nothing. I don't mean just covering your eyes with your hands, or a blindfold. I mean having your eyes so completely _wide open_ and still seeing absolutely nothing.

I have. I _am._

It's raining. A storm finally breaking out after god knows how long of stifling weather. Our power and everybody else's went out about an hour ago which is why I am currently sat in the darkest room alone.

I can't make out anything in this room, yet I know with perfect clarity where everything is. I know that the remote for the TV is three paces forward and two to the right. I know my mom's emergency medical bag is nine paces forward and one to the left. I know that a book of Clay's is two paces to the left. And I know that the freshly washed shirt of Ashley's from the other night is right within arm's reach.

This past week has been weird. Weirder than usual, I mean. Clay hasn't been annoying me, Glen has actually been nice and Paula hasn't made a _single_ lesbian reference. Dad has been his usual awesome self, calm and collected no matter what.

Grandma and grandpa sent me a hundred bucks; fifty from grandma to say sorry she couldn't make it down here with grandpa and fifty from gramps, thanking me for being 'such a treat' to spend time with. It was all pretty strange. I mean, they're okay for old people I guess, but sending out money in the post? That's definitely a rare occasion. I haven't spent it yet.

Clay finally got a date. She was kind of hot and if it wasn't for her Mutley-esque laugh, I would have considered Clay the competition. No, he can have her.

School has been very uneventful. It's like everyone burned out, even the teachers.

I've been avoiding Ashley for the most part, yet she caught me outside my arts class yesterday; an exchange that went something like this:

* * *

I swipe up my bag as I make my way to the door, a little annoyed by how fast fourth period on a Wednesday always seems to go. My favourite class and I barely get the chance to enjoy it.

History couldn't just whiz past instead?

Deep in thought, I bump into someone just outside the doorway. An act that deepens my irritation. "Watch where you're going, hobbit." I pick up a book that apparently fell out of my bag during the collision.

"Maybe you should open your eyes a little more before speeding around a corner?"

It's Ashley_._

'"Or maybe you should transfer to a special school, instead. A hobbit school."

I hear her let out a small laugh of disdain. "We're the same height, dumbass."

Rolling my eyes, I carry on walking towards my next class to which she follows. "I'm taller than you."

"No you're not." Her face is set in determination.

"Yes. I am." I cross my arms over my chest. "One whole inch as a matter of fact." I smirk as she puts the back of her hand to her forehead in faux shock.

"Wow, a whole inch. You're just towering over me now, aren't you?"

I take a step towards her, invading her personal space slightly. "Yeah, I am. So you better watch out."

She walks even closer and stands on her tiptoes, leaning in to speak into my ear, "Or maybe you're the one who should watch out." Her voice was lower, husky.

As she pulls away, our eyes lock and for a second I'm transported back to our first meeting in the café. It seems like a lifetime ago.

The bell rings, breaking whatever 'spell' I was under. I roll my eyes, unmoved with her attempt to threaten me. "I'll sleep with an eye open, Betty."

She smirks at me. "You should."

"I'm going to be late for Bio, what do you want?" I ask, wanting to get away from the tension that surrounds us.

"Since when do you care about tardiness or leaving in the middle of something?"

She's talking about the other night when I left her alone with Chucky.

"I left a note," I remind her, not seeing the point of acting as if I don't know what she's talking about.

Ashley purses her lips together slightly before she answers me, "Ah, yes, the note." A pause. "'Had to leave, keep my money'_._ I remember that lame excuse for a note, explaining why you just _had_ to leave so suddenly without even waking me up."

"My mom needed my help with something." I stop for a second to think about what she just said. "And since when do I need to explain my actions to you?" I frown at her.

"You don't. Common courtesy is all I expected from you. God knows why."

This is too much to deal with right now and I don't make any kind of attempt to. "Whatever, I don't even want to speak to you. I'm leaving."

I don't look back as I head in the direction of my next class.

* * *

Yeah, I was a bitch; you don't need to remind me. The feeling of regret is both unfamiliar and unkind to me.

If I were smarter, I would have known that the last week has literally been the calm before the storm.

I love the sound of rain pelting against the window. It's one of things I miss most from back home. The calming effect it has on me. I feel like the rain washes everything bad away, but not completely, the moist earth left in its wake is a reminder. There's something other than the rain now. I think someone is at the door; not that I can see anything currently. My mom keeps just about a hundred candles around the house but I don't feel like lighting any of them, I'm content to just sit in the darkness, searching for clarity on something I don't fully understand just yet.

It's raining harder now and the incessant pounding at the door is still present. I get up to answer it, and having lived here for a while, it allows me to get around without stubbing a toe. With the front door open I can just make out a silhouette in front of me, the moon granting me vision for a scant moment, though not quite enough to know who it is.

That is until a damp body presses itself against me and soft lips meet my own.


	10. I Need You So Much Closer

It's still raining, the power is still out and I'm _still_ being kissed in my doorway.

I know who it is immediately, the shape of her body and the taste of her lips already having been permanently stored away in the back of my mind.

She brings a delicate hand up to the back of my neck, pulling me closer and kissing me deeper, and I currently have one thought running through my mind: _I hope to God the neighbours see this._

Wanting more contact I turn and press her against the thick, heavy door. It's not soft and it's not gentle — it's hard and it's rough and she doesn't complain. In fact, judging by her soft moan, I think she liked it. My eyes are open, having not yet closed during our kisses. With the darkness that continues to surround us, I trail a series of hot open-mouthed kisses from her jaw line down to her throat. I can hear her breathing, it's rapid and shallow.

She pushes us off the door and inside the house, kicking the door shut behind us. Her hands move all over me, anywhere she can touch, leaving a trail of fire in their wake.

I don't remember where anything is anymore, Clay's book and Paula's emergency medical bag totally lost as her mouth is back on mine; hot and insistent, desperate yet controlled. She's shivering and I don't know whether it's from the storm or our current activity.

I trip over something. I don't know what it is, all I know is she's unable to keep her balance and falls on top of me, touching, tugging, pulling me closer. My eyes close, too far gone now, I'm lost. Lost in _her _and what I'm stunned she's able to do to me.

Running my hands up her sides, her shirt is dragged upward and with the movement I take the opportunity to touch her skin. It's soft and warm and I can't get enough of it. I tug at the garment and she takes the hint, pulling it over her head to reveal smooth skin and what looks like a black lace bra.

I can feel her everywhere: on my skin, under my skin, in the air. She smells intoxicating, even after previously taking a stroll in the rain. I wonder if she knows that. I'll make sure to tell her.

I feel her moving down my body, stopping to pull up my shirt and press wet kisses to my stomach. She's so good at that. I moan, not being able to hold it back any longer and reverse our position. Looking down at her, I can feel the way her eyes are unintentionally blazing into mine through the darkness. She tugs at my shirt and I take it off without a second thought as I lean down to capture her mouth in another deep kiss, her hands moving to my hips in order to pull me closer. I revel in the sensation of our skin touching for the first time.

When I pull away, I hear her groan in frustration and I smile as I search for her hand, finding it not far from mine. I pull her up to a standing position and we try to catch our breath, leaning onto each other for support.

It's been too long; too long since she last kissed me. I cup her face and lean in to kiss her, this time softly. It quickly escalates into something more, something deeper. Always deeper.

I pull her towards the stairs, not wanting to do this in the hallway, and hear her let out a small groan before she pushes into me and I lose my balance. Falling onto the stairs with her on top, she puts her legs either side of my hips and settles down on my lap, reaching around to my back for the clasp of my bra.

With my bra off she trails hot kisses from my collar bone to the top of my breast, repeating her actions on the other side. My breathing is laboured and my heart is pounding harder than ever. She must have felt it underneath her lips because she's now tracing the skin where her mouth has just been.

I wrap my arms around her and pull the top half of her body closer against mine. Leaning up, I brush my cheek against hers and close my eyes, just breathing her and this moment in. The only sound being our harsh breaths mixing in with the steady stream of water that continues to fall outside.

I don't have time to think as she takes her legs that were previously around me and stands up, pulling me upstairs.

We burst through my bedroom door and I'm not sure if the plaster from the wall came away as the doorknob connected with the wall. I don't care; nothing is more important than her right now. The little self control I have is fast becoming non-existent as I feel her hands running all over me, scalding me, marking me.

She moans softly as I unfasten her front-clasped bra and touch her for the first time. I lean down a little, tasting her skin, her heartbeat strong and fast underneath my wandering mouth. I mirror her earlier action and trace the patch of skin which bobs from the force underneath the soft pads of my fingers.

I can't stand up for much longer, my legs turned to jelly long before now.

Her hands tangle in my hair and her mouth searches for mine as I walk her backward towards the bed where we both groan, our bodies quickly pressed together. Her mouth seems to be everywhere; on my neck, on my jaw, on my chest. It's currently on my right ear, her breaths turning ragged.

We lie there for just a moment taking in the serious nature of the situation, what it means, even if it doesn't last the night. With her chest pressed flush against mine I can feel our hearts pounding in unison, and it isn't long before my lips touch hers again, already addicted.

I'm getting hotter now and she's touching me lower. I don't know when or how my pants were taken off, but they're gone and I couldn't care less.

Her lips leave mine as she crawls down the bed a little, starting from my ankle she caresses her way up to my knees, stopping to run her fingers up and down each thigh. I want to tell her to stop teasing me, to tell her how good it feels to be this close, anything. But I can't speak, too overwhelmed with the sensations she's managed to evoked within me.

She kisses me again, this time softly, brushing some hair away from my face which I know is flushed and a little damp.

My hips move upwards in an attempt to find hers, needing pressure there. She responds with surges downward in a rhythmic response.

As much as I need her touch, I need to touch her too. I flip her underneath me, kissing her deeper still. I taste her neck, trailing my tongue towards her ear and biting softly, both moaning as we press into each other. She's digging her blunt nails into my back, scoring the skin.

We enter each other at the same time, taking a moment to find a rhythm that's perfect for us and us alone. It's slow and deep, fast and rough, gentle and sweet. Before long she's getting tighter, her moans are becoming more frequent and her breathing is uneven and shallow. I kiss her deeply as we swallow each other's moans.

It's stronger now; we're working harder, faster. She comes first, me not far behind; our screams echoing off the walls.

I'm about to lie down next to her when the power turns back on, bathing us in an almost blinding light.

I focus my attention back on the still panting body, Ashley's eyes burning right back into mine.


	11. Knock, Knock Who's There?

**Hello reviewers! Thank you for the love :). I'll continue to post multiple chapters a day providing I find the time to alter them. I tell myself I won't change much but then I see something I don't like and I can't help but take the time to fix it. **

**Happy reading, loves.**

* * *

Everything has changed.

Whatever spell Ashley was under during the blackout, it's been broken. I can see the panic building in her brown eyes and I curse my inability to think before I act whenever I'm around her. We should have talked about this before anything happened. I don't want her to leave, I want her to stay here with me; a want that ten-folds when I see her trying to get up off the bed to leave. I can't let that happen, not without talking to her first.

"Move, Spencer."

I don't move from my spot, shaking my head. "No, you can't just run away from this. We need to talk, Ashley."

She lets out a short, mocking laugh. "Such the example setter, aren't we? Not running away from things."

I reach for her hand; my fingers barely brushing against the skin before she rapidly pulls it back, her eyes burning into mine. It's nothing like five minutes ago, this time it's full of something else, something bad.

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. It's just that I saw you asleep an-"

She puts her hand up, stopping any further explanation. "I don't want to know. I don't care. Move."

I stay put. "_No. _God, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"You're breaking my legs for one thing!"

I shift off her legs a little, still making sure she can't get away from me.

"Please, just stay here and we can talk. We _need_ to talk, Ashley."

"Stop saying my name, Jesus."

"I thought you wanted me to say your name more often."

"Well I _don't_, so stop it." She pauses. "Are you deaf? Get off me!" She struggles to get her legs free and starts to search my room for her clothes, taking one of the sheets with her.

I move to the end of the bed to get a better look at her face. "What are you doing? You aren't leaving," I say firmly.

"Yes. I am." Her tone matched mine.

She has her back to me, putting her bra back on. She's now searching for the next item of clothing she shed not long ago.

I walk over to the chair in the corner of my room and grab my robe, pulling it around my body. "I know why you don't want to stay here with me, and I really am sorry for how I've acted towards you but you can't leave, not after what just happened." I walk closer.

She looks into my eyes and for a second I think I've finally gotten through to her.

"_Nothing_ happened. This?" She waves a hand around the room, specifically to the bed, "was a mistake. A _big_ mistake. We didn't even think. _I _didn't even..."

No, it was not a mistake. "No, it wasn't a mistake. And it did happen, unless the clothes fairy stole your clothes in exchange for an orgasm."

I notice her lips are slightly bruised from our earlier kisses; it makes me want to kiss them again.

She's found her pants now, buttoning them up while frowning. "Ugh, shut up. I was faking."

That's amusing. I raise an eyebrow. "Sure you were."

She's heading out of the room now, I follow her. I'm beginning to get frustrated now. "Will you just stop? God!"

"No! I'm leaving and I _dare_ you to try and stop me." She looks around frantically. I know what she's looking for.

"No you're not, and it's in the living room next to the couch."

She briefly shakes her head before hurrying over to the couch to pick up her shirt. I carry on after her lack of response, getting angry. "Why the hell did you come over here then, huh? For cheese and biscuits?"

"Whatever, this is done."

She's walking towards the foyer now, fully dressed as she almost reaches the door. She can't leave like this, we need to just calm down and talk.

Before I know what's happening I grab hold of her arm, pulling her around to face me and push her against the wall, kissing her deeply. She resists at first, seconds later melting into it, her hands holding my head firmly in place

I pull away slowly, resting my forehead against hers. I open my eyes to see hers still closed.

Her chest moves in and out rapidly, desperately trying not to cry. It doesn't matter, I can tell she wants to and I'm about to apologise when she opens her tear ridden eyes, pushing me away so hard I stumble and almost fall.

She leaves the door open.

It's still raining, the power is now on, and I'm _not_ being kissed in my doorway.

* * *

I haven't seen Ashley for three days. Nobody has. I even willingly spoke to Kat to ask if Ashley had been in touch with her but she hadn't. I'm going out of my mind, I feel like I'm spinning and I can't stop.

It doesn't help that all I can hear coming from Clay's room is him singing Shaggy's 'I like to move it move it.' I can't even roll my eyes at him.

It's just after dinner and it's my turn to do the dishes, mom is drying things as I wash them. She's also perky and relentless in her quest to find out what's wrong with me and why she hasn't heard of Ashley lately. The phone rings, saving me from another question. I send up a silent thank you to whoever is on the other end as Paula walks over to the phone, plate in hand.

I can't stop thinking about the other night and Ashley, wondering if she's okay, if I should stop by her house again. A plate shattering against the cold tiles of the kitchen floor brings me out of my thoughts.

"Mom?" Looking to her distraught face I step closer to her. "What's wrong?" I wait patiently for an answer.

She's crying now, her piercing blue eyes now red rimmed and luminous. She isn't answering me and I'm getting increasingly worried, my thoughts turning ugly as I effortlessly list a million possible reasons for her current state. She never loses composure this way. A promise to call back, an 'I love you' and a softly-spoken goodbye is said before she turns to me.

"Spencer," she begins, her voice breaking at the end. "I'm so sorry."

I'm next to her now, my heart beating furiously. "Why are you sorry, mom?" She wraps her arms around me and I rub her back slightly, trying to calm us both down.

She whispers her next sentence, obviously still in shock. "He's gone, Spencer. Your grandfather, he—"

My heart stops beating for the second time this week. I don't hear anything after that. He's gone. Dead? No. He can't, people don't just _die_. I spoke to him two days ago.

I space out for a moment, not being able to comprehend what my mother has just told me when I think back to a thought I had weeks ago, my eyes widening as the memory emerges.

_I wonder if Grandpa finally kicked it. I need a break from school, anyway__..._

Oh God...no.

* * *

I left the house. I'm at my 'fortress', as Ashley would call it; at my usual spot in the far corner on the high ledge. It's dark now. The sun went down hours ago.

It's storming again and I can't help but think how it fits perfectly for the last week of events. I don't move to cover my face from the onslaught of water that is now pelting against me; I can't feel it, having been numb for the last four hours.

I'm lying down. I don't care about what I could catch off the filthy floor, nothing matters now. Nothing except for the body that has just silently lay down beside me, interlacing our fingers together and squeezing tightly.

I squeeze back, finally feeling something.


	12. Heartbreak Hotel

We've been lying on the ground for a while. I'm not sure how much time has passed exactly, all I know is Ashley is still here, still holding onto my hand. We're drenched, having been out in the storm for a long time. No words have left our lips; we haven't even turned to look at each other, content to let the silence speak for itself, at least for the time being.

I decided I liked seeing the rain from this point of view: from underneath. I know when each drop is going to hit my body. I don't like the unknown anymore.

There's movement from the body next to me. She's standing up. I don't move I just look up to her —our eyes locking. She reaches down for my hand that the water is now pooling in, having left Ashley's only scant seconds ago. I grab onto her, letting her pull me up.

It doesn't take long to reach the embankment. It's slippery because of the rain but I don't care. I don't know how many times I almost fell but Ashley held onto me each time, pulling me closer to her. We reached her car and she opened my door for me. Once I was safely inside she hurried back with a blanket from the trunk, wrapping it around my shoulders and brushing the slick hair away from my damp face.

We're still sitting in her car. She put on a CD a little while ago and I don't know who it is but I like it, it's soothing —if I could find it in me to be soothed at this particular moment.

She takes my hand again and I must be shaking because she leans over to put the warm air on.

###

It took longer to get to her house this time, the rain obscuring her view for the most part. She didn't complain, she just held onto my hand. Ashley's house is dark and everyone is either in bed or out. I don't know if she has any siblings or if she only lives with one parent. I'll ask her another time. She leaves the lights off; she knows where she's going. I follow close behind, blanket still attached to my shoulders because I'm unsure if I can just drop it and part of me just doesn't want to.

She pulls me inside a large bedroom; twice the size of mine. If it were any other day I'm sure I'd say something about it. But I can't, not tonight. Ashley leaves the room for a second and I stand there in her room, just breathing.

The moon is brighter than I can remember seeing it in LA. It lights up her room just enough so I can see that Ashley has come back. She pulls me down the corridor and stops at a door not far from her own. We're in her bathroom. It's pretty big. It's much bigger than my bathroom.

The shower is on and the steam created because of it is accumulating on the mirrors, clouding them over in a fine mist. I can still see her. I can always see her.

She walks over to me and peels the now wet blanket off my shoulders, throwing it in the corner of the room. She's facing me again, motioning for me to lift up my arms. I oblige to her request and lift them up for her to pull my shirt over my head and reach behind to undo the clasp of my bra. I let her take it off without protest.

Her hands are undoing my zipper now, pulling my soaked jeans off with a little difficulty. I only just notice that she's lit a few candles, it's still dark but it's just enough to see.

I look back to her to find she's also void of clothing. Her eyes are intense as she pulls me inside the steaming shower, standing behind me. The water feels good and is just the right temperature: hot enough that it burns my skin, but not hot enough that I want to move away from it. Instead, I close my eyes and let it wash over me.

Something cool has just been put on my hair but I don't open my eyes, I know it's just Ashley. She's washing my hair, being careful not to get any shampoo in my eyes. Her fingers are massaging my scalp, it feels nice —soothing. After a little while she turns me around gently, leaning closer to tilt my head back, carefully washing the suds out of my hair.

Ashley's hands are touching me, washing my body that is dirty from lying on the ground earlier. Her ministrations are gentle but firm.

I'm tired now.

I must have some dirt on my earlobe because she pulls it lightly between her thumb and index finger, massaging it gently with soap.

Ashley showered quickly and we're back in her room now, the lights remaining turned off. I prefer it that way. Having already dried my body in the bathroom and gave me some shorts to wear, she's now drying my hair. It isn't necessary but at the same time, I don't want her to stop.

Once she's finished, she moves away from me and disappears around the corner of her bedroom gone for only a minute. I stay put the entire time. She comes back and pulls the towel from around my body, replacing it with an oversized hoodie. Her eyes never leave mine.

We hold each other's gaze until Ashley looks over to her bed, motioning for me to go lay down. I don't object. I'd do whatever she told me to do tonight.

Her bed isn't uncomfortable; she was lying that time when she called me at two in the morning and told me so.

The bed dips a little as Ashley is back with another thick blanket and covers me with it, lying down next to me. She reaches for my hand, our legs resting against each other.

The rain pelting off her window is the only audible sound as a thousand silent memories blur into each other and I think about the last time he visited; how immature and petty my actions were despite him claiming I was a joy to be around. I wasn't. I was horrible.

Ashley lets go of my hand and wraps an arm around my stomach instead. She looks up to meet my eyes and hers are once again intense. I wonder if they're always like that and I never really noticed, or if it's because of how close we're lying together.

There are moments our eyes meet and then there are moments where we can't even look at each other, but tonight it's like we know everything without saying a single word. I can feel it in her eyes that things have changed, oh how they've changed. We have a lot to talk about but right now, right now I just want to hold onto her and forget.


	13. Physical Reaction

**Thanks for the kind words, loves. Appreciate it. :)**

* * *

Two weeks have passed since that night; the night where everything fell apart and, in some strange way, came back together again. I'm alone now, outside in the backyard with my thoughts for company. It's almost sunset and I can feel warm air ghosting over my skin. I haven't been alone much this past fortnight. If not with my family, I've been with Ashley.

Speaking of Ashley, she's been incredible. She knows just the right thing to say with the least amount of words possible, and if she doesn't quite know how to verbally voice her words of reassurance, her eyes have it covered.

The night she took care of me and the morning after definitely stand out, I'll tell you why:

###

I wake up slowly, not knowing where I am for a moment or why I'm here, then, with the blink of an eye, everything comes rushing back: hearing the news, feeling all those emotions, Ashley taking care of me. It all comes back. Everything. I can feel the pressure building in my chest and I begin to panic slightly, my breathing picking up until I feel a soft thumb brushing across my hand in a calming motion. It's Ashley, she must have been watching me sleep and making sure I was okay; safe.

We lay in bed for a while as she continues to brush her thumb across my hand and I continue to look into her eyes that speak volumes. I know I should move and call my parents but I just can't find it within me to move away from Ashley or the bed.

She makes sure I eat something and then drives me home. I was expecting her to drop me off and leave but she didn't, she walked me inside and went over to Paula, thanking her for letting her know the situation and she's glad she could have helped.

On her way out she walks over to me and takes my hand again. I look into her eyes, they're saying '_It's going to be okay, I'm going to take care of you'._

I nod to let her know I'd heard her silent promise and hold on to her hand for as long as possible as she walks out the door.

###

There's music playing now. I can hear it coming through from a neighbour's window. They're playing 'Nickel Creek - Hanging by a Thread' it's pretty fitting. But then you always find that, don't you? It's usually when you're at a low point and every song that comes on the radio or shuffle on your iPod is irritatingly similar to what you're going through. I like these lyrics: T_here's a certain kind of pain that can numb you, there's a type of freedom that can tie you down, sometimes the unexplained can define you, and sometimes... silence is the only sound_

He's right, he's _so_ right.

I think those lyrics over for a while; the ending, the silence. That's what Ashley and I have done best so far: silence. We can't seem to have a conversation that consists of nothing other than civility and honesty, having a conversation because we want to instead of having to, due to some unfortunate turn of events.

I know that sometimes silence speaks more profound than any philosopher but I want to be able to _talk_ to Ashley without getting angry and saying things I don't mean, without all the unnecessary, immature hostility rearing its ugly head.

We haven't had our 'talk' yet. I'm glad; I wouldn't have been able to handle it before. I know she's here for me right now. She may have run off initially but she came back and sticking around for this has more than made up for it. I'm sure she had her reasons.

I don't think she knows how much that night meant to me but I think there's a lot we need to talk about before anything else can progress.

The funeral service was okay as far as funerals go. There were no mistakes with the requested music that makes those occasions all the more unbearable, the eulogy was full of expected tears but was eventually finished. Besides all of that, I didn't really have much of an opinion on it. We shouldn't have been there, not that soon. Ashley insisted on getting a flight to Ohio with us in order to take care of me but she didn't come. I didn't want her to. I needed to do that on my own. I knew she was only a phone call away if I needed her.

And I did. I called her afterwards, during the wake. She picked up on the second ring.

She's been amazing throughout these past two weeks, knowing just when to hold on to me, when to let go, when to speak, when not to speak. She always knew the perfect moment to leave me alone, when I _needed_ to be alone.

I've been spending time with my family too. It's strange how it takes something like a death to make me realise how much I love our dysfunctionality.

It's almost dark now.

I can feel Ashley. I don't need to turn around to know she's approaching, I can just tell. She sits down on the grass in front of me and smiles, studying my face to try to gauge my mood without asking beforehand.

"Are you alright?" she eventually asks.

That's the first time she's asked me that. "I'm better now you're here," I answer honestly. After spending such a large amount of time with her lately, especially how she's been acting towards me, it's been difficult not to acknowledge the fact I've missed her presence when it hasn't been near.

Ashley nods slightly to acknowledge my reply.

I want to lie down and so I pull on Ashley's sleeve lightly as I lean back. She opens her left arm wider and I place my head on her shoulder. She smells good. I still haven't told her how good she smells. I want to now but I hardly feel like talking. I decide to go halfway and murmur, "You smell good."

She doesn't answer me. It doesn't matter, I can _feel_ her smiling. It makes me smile too.

I lift my head up to look at her. Her eyes are closed. I've only seen her with her eyes closed once but she still looks cute. I take this moment to retrace the contours of her face. It's still as flawless as I remember it to be.

Even just lying down on the floor with her has made my heart rate pick up significantly. I think back to the first storm, our first time together, and I want to remember the sound of her heart beating. I lift my hands up towards the zipper on her jacket and look up to see if she opened her eyes in curiosity —she hasn't. I pull the material apart a little more and lean my head down on her chest, closing my eyes to listen to her heartbeat just that fraction louder, wanting reassurance she's still here; still alive.

Her heart is beating faster than mine.


	14. Head vs Heart

Another week has passed and things are gradually getting back to normal. Whatever that means, right?

They say with any loss that it gets easier as time goes on. Two weeks ago I would probably have smacked you upside the head and called you out for speaking bullshit, now I would agree with you, not a verbal agreement —it's much too soon for that— I would probably just give you a slight nod. It still hurts more than I care to admit and it's still almost inconceivable to think of him as gone. I can't use any other word yet. Gone is my limit.

Sometimes I think even _that's_ too much because he'll never be completely gone, he'll always remain alive in the depths of my memories.

I thought this time last week I'd have at least _attempted_ to talk to Ashley by now, but I haven't. I'm not putting it off or avoiding it, not at all. I just want to get everything in order first. I need my words to come out perfectly; something that seems to come with an unimaginable ease to Ashley.

She was invited over for dinner the other day; she'll be here in about an hour. I'm hoping I have the courage to ask if she wants to stay over, for _sleep_ of course. I just like going to sleep and waking up with her. I always sleep well.

I don't need to get ready, I'm already done. I started a while ago. I guess I'm just a little anxious to speak to her.

Walking into the kitchen I see my mom and dad cooking, I was originally going to ask if I could help but they seem to have everything under control, so I decide to set the table instead. I can't decide if I want Ashley next to me or straight across from me.

I mull it over for a while and apparently space out because I didn't hear Paula walk into the dining room, she's waving a hand in front of my face and asking me if I'm okay. "Yeah I'm okay; I just can't decide where to sit people..."

She smiles at me and I know one of her 'past' comments is coming. "Just make sure Ashley is in perfect reach for inappropriate footsie-ing." She adds on a wink to the end of it.

I smile and shake my head as she walks back into the kitchen. She's right though. I mean, I _do_ want to, it's just that we haven't kissed since that night and I don't know if she will think it's too soon or something.

We have to talk tonight.

There's a knock at the door. It's Ashley. I haven't seen her car in the driveway and she didn't call to say she was on her way; it's just that she knocked on the door instead of ringing the doorbell. She has a distinctive knock. I find that with most people though, especially those who have perky, thought-out knocks.

I make my way over to the door and open it to reveal Ashley. She looks as beautiful as always.

We walk into the living room and I announce that Ashley is here which seems to be the magic words as Glen and Clay finally drag themselves out of their rooms, joining us.

I decided to sit Ashley across from me, not for the inappropriate foot-play, but because I wanted to be able to see her face without breaking my neck to do so.

My dad and Glen are keeping up conversation, Paula and Clay joining in to either laugh or add something onto whatever is being discussed. Ashley is talking to Glen now. I'm listening _so_ hard to catch every syllable. He's laughing; I can see him from the corner of my eye. He's also sitting next to Ashley. I didn't hear a word either of them said, I was trying too hard. I can see her, though. I can see her perfectly. She looks...happy.

It makes me smile knowing she's happy here, with me, with my family.

She looks up to catch me smiling and I suddenly find my peas _fascinating_. She doesn't look away because I can feel her stare all over me. It's not an uncomfortable feeling, I like it.

Dinner had been finished for about fifteen minutes when Dad asked if we wanted dessert, I was pretty rude when I practically screamed 'no' right in his stunned face. I didn't mean it; I just wanted to go somewhere private with Ashley and talk. I'd gotten everything in order and perfect inside my head at the dinner table, the quiet allowing me to do that. I need everything to be perfect. I don't want to screw this up.

Ashley is here now.

She walks over to where I'm currently situated and places her hand on my forehead. Pursing her lips together slightly. "Hmm, you don't _feel_ warm."

I pull her hand away from my head, not letting go just yet. "Why would I be warm?" I can't keep the smile off my face.

"Uh, maybe because you refused dessert for the first time ever?"

I open my mouth in faux shock. "I've refused dessert plenty of times, _thank you._"

"Sure you have."

She's rolling her eyes good-naturedly and I want to kiss her. I can't though, not yet. Not until we've talked.

She throws herself down on my bed next to me, telling me she thinks she's going to burst and _no,_ I can't have everything she owns. It makes me smile. This can't last though, I feel like _I'm_ going to burst unless we talk.

"We need to talk, Ashley."

She sits up, apparently forgetting her 'bursting' issue. "For future reference Spence, never start a conversation off like that."

"Deal." I hesitate slightly, "About the past month..." I felt her stiffen immediately.

"What about this past month?"

I'm playing with a ring on my left hand. Yeah... I'm pretty nervous. "Us." I say, calmer than I feel.

I see her swallow. "Alright..." she trails off.

"I want to know what you think you're doing."

Shit, that came out wrong.

She raises her eyebrows. "What I think I'm doing? I think I'm taking care of you. What else would I be doing?" Her tone suggests she's upset I asked that.

"I don't know? Looking after _you_ and trying to make yourself feel good, kind of like charity work?"

What the hell are you saying? Shut up! It's coming out wrong. I can think these things, but I'm not supposed to say them.

Ashley lets go of my hand. "What?" She shifts her body away from mine a little so she can look at me properly without straining her neck.

My stomach knots at the confusion and hurt written across her face. I can fix it. "I didn't mean that, I mean—"

Ashley cuts me off. "Believe it or not, I can actually do something without an ulterior motive, unlike some people."

I frown at that. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Just that you were a complete bitch to me until we slept together. You've been different ever since," she retorts.

I can't believe she just said that, that she _thought_ that. Everything is just coming out all wrong. I can't help raise my voice because she's upset me and it's new for Ashley to do that. It stings. "Oh wow, so it really did happen? You've finally decided to say it out loud, huh? How's it feel?"

Ashley gets up off the bed, everything about her body-language suggesting she's angry with me. "God, you can be _such_ an ass."

I stand up on my knees, still on the bed. "Wait, what the hell was that supposed to mean?"

"Uh…that you're an ass," she reiterates, looking at me dumbly.

I wave my hand around a little. "No... Before, the part about me being different since that night. What did you mean by that?"

She sneers. "Come on. I'm not stupid, Spencer."

"Well, you obviously are."

She has her hand in a loose fist, uncurling fingers she starts to count, "Okay so I'm doing all this for myself, I'm stupid, I'm—" I stop her there, her raised voice unnerving me.

"Why don't you just shut up? Jesus."

I don't know why I even bothered today. Everything had been going perfect and then I decide to screw it up by talking about feelings. Good job, Spencer.

Ashley's eyes are full of anger and betrayal as she shakes her head and walks towards my bedroom door. My legs get caught in the sheets as I try and follow her. By the time I got myself free she'd left the house and I ran outside to the sidewalk to see she was just unlocking her car. It's dark again. "Ashley, wait."

She doesn't appear to have heard me; either that or she's totally ignoring me. It's probably the latter. I know I would if I were her. I open the passenger door and get in and she's looking at me like I have a death wish. Before I can stop to think about what I want to say, words just pour out of me, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for everything to come out like it did. I wanted to talk to you about the past few weeks, and the weeks before that, yes, but I said it all wrong. I'm not good with words, Ashley. Which I guess isn't a huge shock to you right now." I pause and she looks away.

"I didn't mean for things to get so out of control, you know...or to get as close as we have, but it happened. The first time I saw you, I wasn't even looking at your face. I saw your rack and thought 'she'll do'." I pause again. ''I didn't know things would turn out like this. I was never supposed to have a girlfriend, even for that one hour so my mom would shut up and leave me alone. I was never supposed to look back on the past few months and notice how different I was, I was never supposed to lose a family member this soon."

She opens her mouth to respond but I interrupt. My voice so quiet even _I_ can barely hear it, "And I'm not supposed to love you... but I do, I can't help it."

She stops all movement and turns her head around so fast I'm surprised it's still attached. Oh yeah, she heard me. She _so_ heard me.


	15. Demand

**Your reviews make me smile, so it's only polite to say thank you for that; thank you, loves! I don't care how many reviews I get. As long as one person is enjoying it, I'll continue to post :). The chapters do get longer, too. I wouldn't dream of writing a chapter less than 3,000 words now, haha. The first one was something like 800 words. Facepalm.**

**imaferrari**** - I'm sorry you're so sick! Strep throat is not fun at all, especially in the middle of nowhere when all you want is your bed. There's a camping part to this fic too, but it's all the way in chapter ...120 something, I think, haha. Anyway, I hope you feel better soon. Think of these updates as your ice cream (I was going to say chicken soup but I don't imagine you want chicken soup too much right now :P). I hate texting on touch screen phones, so thanks for taking the time to do so. **

* * *

We're back to the silence. It's deafening.

I have to admit, I am a little shocked at how tonight turned out. I mean, I only wanted to talk about the past month and apologise for before then; I never intended to blurt out 'The L Word.' like that; so suddenly. I didn't want to tell her as an attempt to make her stay, even if it is the truth. I've noticed a lot of Ashley and I's moments are born in the darkness. I don't know what that means yet but I can't wait to find out.

The sound of heels connecting with the concrete breaks the silence. I like that; walking on my own at night and hearing my footsteps on the floor, echoing. But when I notice its Ashley who has gotten out of the car, I follow suit.

I don't know where she's heading. It certainly isn't back inside my house where I want her to be. I wonder why she didn't just drive, she had a better chance at getting rid of me that way, she could have just pushed me out of the moving vehicle and had done with it, but no... She's _walking_ away from me.

There's no way I'm _not_ going to follow her. Not now, not after…everything.

I pick up my pace, wanting to get rid of the distance that currently separates us, and she moves her legs faster in return. I keep up with my current pace until I see she's broke out into a full sprint.

She's not getting away from me, not again. I remember the last time I tried to talk and she left. I don't want a repeat performance. I match her pace, following her into the darkness.

###

I followed her until my lungs burned and my legs wouldn't carry me any further.

I sit down on a curb, trying to get air to my starving lungs and vowing to stop smoking. Exhausted, I lay back on the sidewalk, not really caring if it's dirty, and close my eyes. It isn't long before I can hear something familiar. I know where I am.

I shoot up and run to where I'm _sure_ Ashley is.

###

I can't see all that well, however the lamps on the pier help significantly once I move away from the water. I know she's here. I'm not going to leave until I find her. I spot her not long afterwards with her back to me, and now that I'm here, now I've found her, I'm scared. I don't want her to run away again. I sit down next to her, not daring to break the silence just yet. We just sit there, existing, together.

"I didn't think you'd find me," she confesses, her voice barely audible over the sound of the waves that are currently crashing against the pier.

"I'm sorry." I don't waste time. I need her to know that, above everything else, I'm sorry. I never want her to feel like she has to run away from me. I never want to scare her.

"You don't have to be sorry, Spencer." She's playing with the sand now, picking up a small handful and watching as it slips through between her fingers.

I can't help but think how that's my life lately, everything falling through my grasp, unable to control anything. It doesn't mean I can't try though. "Yes I do. I didn't mean to just throw all that on you, Ashley. I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me," she says. I know she's lying.

"You just felt like an Olympic sprint?" I tease.

She smiles very faintly. "Something like that."

I want to keep talking to find out why she keeps running away. Is it a test, or something? I stay quiet, afraid if I open my mouth it will all come out wrong like earlier in my bedroom. She lies back on her elbows and I stay in my current position, content to just watch the waves. You can see the moonlight reflecting off the water. It's beautiful. I don't come to the beach that often. It's not that I hate it; I just prefer to come here alone when hardly anybody is here. To say it's a difficult task to accomplish in LA is an understatement.

I could fall asleep on the beach at night, no matter how stressed I get. The waves always relax me so much I end up falling asleep. If it's not the waves that soothe me, it's the ghosts. Casper excluded of course, I just mean that the beach always seems to be a happy place, children laughing, people screaming as somebody has thrown cold water on them, the end of a good date. I can hear all of it, and in some strange way, I can see it; kind of like when you've been at a theme park all day and at night when you're in bed, you feel yourself on a certain ride, reliving it.

I get that with Ashley. On the days we spend together I lie in bed, waiting for sleep to claim me and I can feel her everywhere. I feel her watching me as if she was actually in my room. I feel her hand in mine. I feel her warmth, surrounding me.

In a second I know that something is different. The usually calm air has something else to it, something thick, deep. It's hard to breathe. I turn to look at Ashley who has been quiet during my musings. I expect her to be asleep, or at the very least have her eyes closed.

They're open. They almost incinerate me.

She doesn't move, she stays leaning on her elbows burning me from me the inside out with the power of her stare.

If it wasn't for the fact I was staring at her lips, I would have missed her next demand. My heart beating so fast I have to bring a hand up to my chest, making sure it doesn't jump out.

"Kiss me."


	16. Together

"Kiss me."

I can't believe she just told me to kiss her. I can't believe all it took were two words and a smouldering stare to basically say everything I've been trying to find the words for this past week. All those hours of going over and over what I wanted to say, in which order, what tone of voice I'd use, how she would react and reply; _everything_. And it all came out wrong. We had a fight that resulted in her leaving my house and me _literally_ running after her.

All she did was look at me and say two words. Two words that said _everything_.

She's still leaning back on her elbows, still giving me _that_ look; the look that I'm sure will kill me.

I'm going to kiss her, I just don't know how yet. I mean, obviously we've kissed before, but that was before... everything. This is going to mean everything, it's going to _say_ everything —at least that's what I hope for. What I want, what I need.

I scoot back a little, her leaning back resting on her arms creating a slight distance.

I'm awkward now and it definitely shows in my movements. I fret over where to put my hands, if I should lean over her or lay down next to her. I carry on fretting until I see her arm reaching for my own and I stop what I'm doing, which is clumsily hovering over her, until she pulls at my arm from my elbow —causing the top half of my body to fall and press against hers tightly.

Even with just that; no kissing, no touching, just leaning on her fully clothed has made my eyes slam shut and I have to tell myself not to cry. It may sound ridiculous, but it's how I feel, how she makes me feel: overwhelmed. Every day.

I must not have been doing a very good job at keeping the waterworks at bay because she's rubbing circles on my back, reassuring me that everything is okay.

I believe her.

The tension is back and she repeats her earlier demand, this time it was whispered into my ear, just for me to hear. Her words _to_ me. _For_ me.

This time there is no hesitation. If she wants me to kiss her then I'm _going_ to kiss her.

I don't have far to move, our current position allowing me perfect access to her perfect mouth.

My lips have barely brushed against hers before she groans and pulls me closer, deepening our kiss. I don't mind though, not at all. Hers alternate from bruising and fast to slow and deep and I love every one of them.

She has her hands tangled in my hair now, scraping her nails on my scalp that appears to be over sensitive, sending jolts of electricity through me, through us. Reminding us we're both still here; alive, together.

I place delicate kisses from her jaw line to the shell of each ear. I think she likes that.

She turns me over and I'm lying down on the sand. I look up to Ashley, the moon creating a soft glow that surrounds her before she lays down on top of me, tangling our legs together and kissing me.

My stomach is a little cold; she's pulled up my shirt to kiss my stomach, touching me, burning me. She decides she doesn't like the garment; it's getting in the way of her plans. She pulls on it and I lean up towards her, letting her take it off and seeing more of me, the still shining moon and the lights from around the pier granting us light.

I don't want to be the only shirtless person, so I reach up and pull hers over her head.

We're sitting up now. Ashley's in my lap with her legs wrapped around my waist and we're breathing like we haven't just been kissing, we're breathing as though we've just ran a mile in five minutes flat.

I can feel her exhaled breath on my lips, our faces only inches apart.

She slowly reaches up to pull a piece of hair behind my ear before running her soft hand to the crook of my neck, gently stroking until she leans in and kisses me so softly I barely feel it.

We're back on the sand now, backs pressed down against it. Mine is, anyway. She's on top of me giving me the hottest, deepest kiss of my life. With both of our shirts previously being taken off and not long after, our bras, I can feel her heartbeat pulsating rapidly against my flesh that mirrors her own.

I roll her over again, kissing every bit of skin I can see, find. She's moaning now, loudly. I smile, suddenly finding it almost amusing how tonight has turned out. That is until I look down to her, her stare once again penetrating me.

Suddenly everything isn't so amusing. Suddenly it's serious and it's _real._

With that realisation, my body; every patch of skin, every nerve ending is aching, aching for _her_. I can barely wait, I groan as I undo her zipper so fast it gets stuck halfway. I don't care though; I'll rip them off if I have to. I need to feel her. I need her to feel me, feel _us_.

She's shaking again, this time I'm positive it's because of our current activity, no storm to cloud my judgement. I whisper that it's okay and pull her jeans from her legs.

Her hands are lower now, digging her nails into the backs of my thighs. It doesn't hurt but it will leave a mark.

I notice my pants are also gone and briefly wonder if she didn't realize her pants were being taken off either, if she was too lost in me. We're trying to kiss, every time we get near one of us presses into the other, bringing a gasp from both mouths and two sets of eyes close so tightly, we can see stars.

My mouth is on her inner thigh, I've been placing wet kisses here for a while now, her moans getting louder as time goes on. She moans one last time before sitting upright and wraps her hands around the back of my neck, crashing our lips together once more in a bruising kiss.

She stops to breathe for a moment, her face is resting on mine next to my mouth and I can't help but close my eyes at the intensity of it all. I haven't felt like this with anyone else; they were never this way with me. I wouldn't have wanted them to be. Only her.

With my eyes closed I didn't see her hand reach down between us, entering me. Gasping, my eyes widen with the sudden but welcome intrusion and I keep my eyes open for as long as I can, looking deep into hers.

I want it to be like last time, when we came together. I position my arm just right and reach down between us once more, entering her with ease. She lets out a long moan and stills her movements inside me. I lean my forehead against hers, both revelling at the sensation of being inside each other again.

It isn't long before she kisses me, moving inside me so deeply that I have to stop again for a moment_._ Recovering as best I can, I match her pace the best I can, each stopping when we absolutely have to; when we're too far gone inside each other.

It doesn't take long before I can feel it and I know she can too. Our movements become frantic, our breaths turning erratic, still.

Unlike last time, we come together, our screams muffled by the waves crashing.

This time there is no power to switch back on, shocking us, scaring us.

This time it's just me and her, together.


	17. What Kind of Mother Do You Think I Am?

That night at the beach was an awakening -for _both_ of us.

A week isn't really a long time to most people or for certain situations, but when you're finally with the one person you _need_ and _want_ to be with, a week feels like a lifetime. At least that's how it is for me. I don't know if it's just my age.

I haven't actually said 'I love you' to her yet. I told her I wasn't _supposed_ to love her but I do. I want to say I love you. She hasn't said anything with the word love in yet but I don't mind, I can wait. I already know how she feels about me and we're just starting out.

She told me how sorry she was that she kept running away from me, she was just scared.

When I got home from the beach the next morning I had a few questions to answer from my worried parents. I told them the truth; that Ashley was frustrated over something and I'd been helping her feel better when we lost track of time.

What? It's not a _total_ lie.

Dad was satisfied with the answer. Paula, however, was a different story. She waited until my dad was out of earshot before grinning and asking me how having sex on the beach for the first time was.

I was pretty mortified to say the least. Boundaries, let's have them.

Yesterday I was pleasantly surprised to find out that Ashley and I have English Lit together. I wonder how I could have missed her, how I didn't know who Ashley Davies was. She knew who I was, right from the beginning.

Of course Ashley and I being in the same class meant us sitting next to each other, and Kat being Ashley's friend and being in the class also meant she would be sitting next to me. She's a little more tolerable now. When she said hi and I acknowledged she existed I swear I was nearly blinded with her smile.

By the time lunch rolled around I was more than ready to go anywhere with just Ashley and have some alone time, alas she had other plans. Bigger plans. I look on disgusted as she digs into the slop this school is trying to pass off as Mac 'n' Cheese.

"Mmmmm."

I roll my eyes at her display of pleasure from something so disgusting. "Mmm, indeed." I'm not sincere, I doubt she's oblivious.

She brings her fork towards me. "Want some?"

"No thanks."

"Come on Spence, its good! Just eat some. Please?"

She's giving me her innocent look and pursing her lips together slightly. Like it's going to work. "It looks like somebody has _already_ eaten it."

She apparently isn't finished with her attempts at making me taste her lunch, as she puts a full fork out in front of me. "Pleeeease."

I hesitate slightly and pull a face as I grudgingly open my mouth for her to put the fork into. Oh _my_ god. I have to swallow my saliva over and over again just to keep from vomiting all over the table and Ashley.

She smiles encouragingly. "Good, huh?"

The worst part is she's deadly serious.

"The best." I lie, reaching for my water bottle.

The things you do for love, eh?

My mom invited Ashley over for dinner again tonight and I finally found the courage to ask her to stay over. I don't know why I was so worried, she looked so happy I'd asked. She said yes, in case you hadn't figured it out. She'll be here any minute.

My mom set the table this time and of course sat Ashley directly opposite me. It was pretty sweet though, I mean even though Paula is a little _too_ accepting, it's good she isn't like so many other mom's out there. I wouldn't change her...much.

With food being presented and drinks topped up, we sit down to eat. I've barely dug into my chicken when I feel a soft foot sliding up and down my calf. I look over to Ashley who is talking to Clay about some book, looking completely and totally innocent, through and through, until she picks up her glass and looks over the rim to me.

My dad has noticed I'm not eating anything. "Everything okay, Spence? You've hardly touched your food."

Everybody turns to look at me, including Ashley, and I stumble over my next sentence. "I'm fine, it's...delicious."

Ashley is smirking into her glass and I can't help but smile as she raises her eyebrows at me.

Paula isn't so easily fooled; she knows exactly what's going on. "So Ashley, I heard that Spencer took really good care of you last week. Are you feeling less frustrated now?"

Oh my _god_.

Ashley chokes on her current mouthful of water and drops her foot from my leg, squeaking out, "Much better, thank you."

###

We're lying on my bed now with her head resting on my shoulder, legs entwined. She's playing with my fingers, running one of her fingers up and down each of mine, tracing a lazy pattern on my palm. It tickles but I don't pull away.

She breaks the comfortable silence. "Spencer?"

"Ashley."

"Remember the storm?"

"Which one?"

"The first one." She emphasizes the second word.

"Of course I remember." I pause. "Why? Do you want a repeat performance? My mom has a thunder storm CD somewhere." I'm not totally serious but come on, I'm only human. My girlfriend is gorgeous. I notice she hasn't answered me and I wonder why she brought it up in the first place. "Ash?" I've never called her that before, I've stuck to just Ashley. I like 'Ash'; I might start using it more.

"It was my first time."

What?

"What?" I sit up slightly to look at her.

"Uh...it was my-"

I interrupt. "No, I heard you but…wow. I... I don't know what to say. Did I hurt you?"

She shrugs it off like it's no big deal. "Not more than what's classed as normal. And it's okay; you don't have to say anything. I just wanted you to know the reason I got scared, that's all." I open my mouth to speak but she interrupts. "I don't regret it, if that's what you're thinking. It was amazing. Everything with you is amazing... I just got a little overwhelmed, I guess. I planned a kiss but everything else? Definitely got caught up."

I'm truly at a loss for words, so I lean over and kiss her, hoping to say everything that way.

She heard every word.

"Oooh, close your eyes!" She jumps off the bed, suddenly a little giddy.

"Blindfolds this early in the relationship?" I tease, closing my eyes.

Her laughter makes its way to my ears. "Uh, not quite, Spence. Not quite." I hear her walk over to the bed, leaning on the floor next to it. "Okay, sit up and open your eyes."

I'm suddenly nervous, shy. "Can't."

"Why?"

"Comfy."

We've had this conversation before and I know she remembers it too.

"Open your eyes or I'll kick your ass."

Only she could say that and make me want to kiss her until I can't breathe_._ I grin and slowly open my eyes to be met with the _ugliest_ purple face I have ever seen. Is that what I think it is?

"Ta-da!"

Ashley is holding a medium sized _Barney._ "Ashley! I can't believe the first gift you bought me is...that." I pout slightly.

"Come on, I had to! I couldn't resist."

If she didn't look adorable right now I'm sure I'd have a different reaction. "Thank you, it's ... sweet of you, baby."

She grins, leaning in to kiss me for my 'you're welcome.'

A little while later my mom knocks on the door —yes _knocks_, with Ashley here she's been very polite. I don't know if it's okay if Ashley stays in here with me tonight so I decide to confirm, "Mom, is Ashley staying in here tonight or are you making up the couch?"

She looks insulted I would even _ask_.

"She's staying in here, Spencer. What kind of mother do you think I am?"

_It's official: my mom rocks._


	18. Alien Hearts Curly Sue

4 days, 12 hours and 48 minutes: that's how long I've been nicotine free.

I'm not a nice person to be around today. I feel like the old me, the old Spencer; the one who would get pissed off at _anyone_ for just about everything_. _I can't keep still. I've cleaned my room so good a forensic team could come in here and they wouldn't find a thing. I'm currently tapping a pen on my desk. I like the noise but if anybody else were doing it I know it would annoy me to no end. And it's only 1pm. Usually I'm still asleep at this time on a weekend.

I can be around Ashley and not snap, though. After all, she's the one I'm doing this for and should there be another time where I need to run after her, I'll be ready. She won't get far. Or, at the very least, I won't want to keel over and die.

Speaking of my _baby_, I wonder what she's doing right now.

I can't help but smile as I think of her, I'm not imagining her doing anything particularly special, just being herself talking, smiling, laughing. God, she's beautiful. And _wow_, I'm whipped.

Damnit.

Okay you got me; I'm at Ashley's house. I missed her, I wanted to see her.

I didn't tell her I was coming over, I wanted to surprise her. I know she's in because her car is in the driveway, along with one I don't recognise. Her house is quiet, I still haven't asked her who she lives with, must do that soon. Especially considering her house is the size of ten football fields.

I can hear something now and I'm not quite sure I can say what it is unless I see it with my own eyes. I open Ashley's door as quietly as I can, looking over to her bed.

Nothing could have prepared me for this:

Ashley is asleep with her reading glasses hanging off her face, iPod still on. I can hear what she's listening to, or what's on her playlist anyway. I don't know how long she's been asleep but Anna Nalik is playing. She's got a nice voice, I guess.

And my _G__od_ Ashley looks cute.

I make my over to her bed, kneeling next to her, and study her face for a moment, smiling as I take off her glasses and tuck a curl behind her ear.

With her eyes still closed, I'm startled as her arm suddenly shoots out, grabbing my wrist in a death grip, flipping me over and pins me underneath with her knees either side of my ribs to make sure the 'intruder' can't get away.

She's hurting my wrist. She's got a damn good grip. "If you wanted me this much, then why didn't you just call me?"

Her eyes shoot open when she realises it's just me. Letting go of my wrist immediately, Ashley looks concerned as she gently rubs the red marks and rushes out, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"

I'm momentarily distracted by her current sleepy state. Her voice is lower, her eyes are darker _and_ she's on top of me. Yeah, give me a break. You'd be like this too_. _"Uh...no. I mean, yes. I'm okay, you just—" She cuts me off.

"I hurt you, didn't I? God! I'm so stupid. I'm sorry, Spence…"

She's on top of me and she wants to _talk_? Who raised this girl, wolves? I only hear part of her apology, the rest I can just see in her eyes as she looks into mine, looking adorable and apologetic. I lean up a little and brush my lips over hers, half letting her know it's okay and half letting her know I don't want to talk right now.

She settles down on top of me, kissing me hard.

It's not long before I'm lost.

###

After an hour of making out —yes, I said _making out_, we head into her living room to just hang out. She's getting us a drink.

After hearing Ashley has only ever been with me I've been careful in that department. I want to wait a while. I want her to know it's not the only reason I'm with her.

She's back and I frown as I see what's in her hand.

"Ashley?"

"Yeah?"

I point to her hands. "Mind telling me why you have a Coke?"

She looks down to the hand with the Coca Cola in, smiling as she sits down next to me. "This, my dear, is for you."

"Well, _my dear_, we've had this conversation before. I can't drink that stuff." I pull a face, remembering the taste of it.

"It wasn't so much a conversation, it was more you talking and telling me I couldn't have it," she points out.

"That's because I only want the best for you."

She scoffs. "Nice try, drink it. Please."

I shake my head. "I'm sorry but I can't. I'll throw up." Ashley is pretty stubborn. I know she won't let this go for a while. Luckily I am, too.

"Come on, Spence. I do everything _you_ ask me to do."

She's right about that; she really does do anything I ask. But come on, this is _Coke_ we're talking about. "You attacked me earlier."

"I spent an hour making it up to you."

"I listened to Akon for you."

"I didn't say a word when you threatened me and introduced me as your girlfriend."

She's never gonna let that go. "Are you ever gonna let that go?"

Ashley's grinning at me now, being annoyingly cute. "Nope."

"I keep Barney in my room even though he freaks me out." I'm trying the whole scared routine; I'm hoping it goes over well.

She's smirking at me. "I gave you my virginity."

Guess she didn't buy it. Damnit, I can't beat that one.

She puts the can in front of me. "Drink up.''

I take a sip and silently curse the fact I don't have a cold to take away my taste buds. I don't think I said that out loud but Ashley is laughing at me now. "God, you're such a baby Spencer."

###

After hanging out at her house for most of the afternoon, I decided to invite her over here tonight. She's in the living room with Paula, God help her. I can't hear everything they say, all I can hear is laughter and cooing.

If you're wondering why I'm up here and she's downstairs, it's because Clay bumped into me with his iced cappuccino, spilling it all over me. Moron_._God, I need a smoke_._ I resist temptation and join Ashley in the living room.

I'm almost at the bottom of the stairs when I hear Paula talking. "...and this is Spencer right after she was born. You'll have to excuse the nakedness...although I'm sure you've seen it all before!" She's laughing hysterically.

No. Please, no.

I race towards the couch where they're currently situated and rip the picture from Paula's outstretched hand, not giving Ashley a chance to see it. Why do parents take pictures of their newborns? Especially considering I was premature, I looked like an alien and there's no way Ashley is seeing that.

"Spence! I was going to look at that."

I quickly flash the picture to her, not giving her or anybody else the chance to see anything other than a blur.

###

Paula went out somewhere with my dad, I don't know where they've gone, just that they'll be out until eleven. Ashley and I are in the living room, she's lying with her head on my lap, just finishing eating some chocolate and she has it all over her hands.

I lift her hand up to my mouth, fully prepared to lick it off when she pulls it back. "No! I was saving that, I neeeed it."

She's such a drama queen. Before I can reply, she sucks the end of each chocolaty finger. It leaves her fingers faster than...I don't know what. "I didn't know I was dating Curly Sue," I tease. She looks pretty smug, I don't know if it's from finishing her chocolate or something else...

"I didn't know I was dating an alien."

Yep, definitely something else.

_I'm going to kill Paula._


	19. Water Gun Attack

I'm getting used to not smoking now. It's not as difficult as it was, say, two weeks ago. I do still have the occasional craving, especially at this time of the month when I'm prone to the occasional fit. My current bodily functions have made it nearly impossible to keep a lid on some of the less _tactful_ phrases that have poured from my mouth.

Yeah, I've been a bitch.

I snapped at Ashley yesterday, too. I don't even remember why, all I remember is the look on her face and I apologised immediately and profusely.

And the gross heat wave we have goin' on at the moment doesn't help. Don't get me wrong, it's hot most of the time in LA but lately I feel like I'm a turkey at Thanksgiving. Not fun. Especially when it's like the biggest oven ever at school. It's an oven _full_ of turkeys and Turkey Spencer is feeling most of the heat.

Look at me; I'm comparing myself to a freaking turkey now.

I'm in turkey oven 101, everybody is pretty much sweating like a pig —myself included. My hair is thrown up in a messy bun because I don't think I could stand anything on my neck right now unless any ice or Ashley's lips were available.

It wouldn't be so bad if Ashley was sitting next to me, but she was moved. We were paying too much attention to each other and not enough to our 'studies'. Whatever. I did a face plant onto my desk about five minutes ago. I'm tired; the heat makes it difficult to sleep at night, and I feel the blissful pull of slumber when suddenly something cold and wet splashes against my neck.

My eyes shoot open and I look at everyone in the room, wondering who the guilty party is. Most of them are in my previous position of 'face plant', including Ashley.

Aww.

With that sight I pretty much forget what I looked up for in the first place and close my eyes again.

###

I don't know how it's possible, but my house is hotter inside than it is out here. We hardly have any shade at all. I haven't felt a breeze in over three hours. Even turkey's feel the breeze of the oven door opening every couple of hours. It's not too much to ask, is it?

And I _really_ need to stop with the turkey talk.

Ashley is lying on the floor next to me, a little more distance between us than usual because of the weather. I notice that she's about to fall asleep, her voice is quiet and her body is relaxed. "What are you thinking about?" she asks.

"Turkeys."

A brief smile graces her lips before whispering, "Cool" and falling asleep.

###

I let her sleep for a little bit. I sat up and watched her while she slept. She sleeps very peacefully. If you're wondering why I sat up, then it was just because that way my body was in the way of the direct light onto her face and chest. I didn't want her to burn just because I kept her up all night last night.

No dirty thoughts, people. I couldn't sleep so I rang her for a late night talk.

I know I said I didn't do that kind of thing…but desperate times call for desperate measures and all that jazz.

Sadly the pillow fight was left out. Maybe next time?

###

Ashley hasn't been awake for long, maybe fifteen minutes and I decide to ask her a couple of questions that I've been meaning to. "Ash?"

Her eyes are still closed but I know she's awake, her breathing is different. "Yeah?"

I don't want to sit in the sun anymore, my shoulders are sunburned. I can feel my skin stinging so I lie down next to her once more. "Who do you live with?"

She's open with her reply, "My mom."

"Oh, cool." I lift my shoulders up a little for a moment, the ground aggravating the already delicate skin. "Is she nice?"

Her response is confirming, "She's nice."

That's good.

"That's good."

We lie in a comfortable silence when apparently Ashley has a question for me too. "Spence?"

"Yeah?" I think I need some lotion on my shoulders, poor things.

"When you have a coffee, why do you have a glass of water too?"

Aww, she noticed. Cute. "I like the sensation of the hot and cold in my mouth, right after each other."

Remember a while ago I said I could feel her smiling? Well I can feel it again. ''Shut up.''

She's laughing now. "I didn't say a word."

###

I open my locker and I find an unusual object in there. It's an Olivia Newton John CD accompanied by a little note that is sitting right next to it. '_Noticed you stopped smoking, just wanted to do something nice for you too. See you in class, Barney. x_'

Ashleyyyy! Awww!

I rush to English only to find Ashley wasn't in the seat next to me. 'Teach' doesn't want us sitting next to each other until next week. Fucker. I look to Ashley and mouth a 'thank you' to her, to which she looks embarrassed and shy all of a sudden, mouthing back a 'you're welcome'.

I'm not going to tell her I already have this CD. I don't want the other copy. I'll keep this one.

I'm just about to fall asleep again when I feel another splash of cold water, this time on my shoulders. It's a welcome feeling but damnit, who is making me all wet? Not _that_ wet. Wet wet, not _wet_ wet. Oh, whatever. I know what I mean.

I look around the class for the second time this week, trying to figure out who the culprit is. I still can't tell though, everyone looks busy or asleep or they just would never even _dare_.

###

I'm in Ashley's backyard. We haven't been home from school long and she insisted I take a swim in her pool, that the cool water will feel good. She's upstairs changing. I walk into her kitchen to get some ice when something catches my eye.

I make my way over to Ashley's purse and see the smallest water gun I have ever seen.

It was her! Oh…she's going _down_.

Following my little discovery, I made my way back outside to the pool and Ashley joined me soon after with some lotion for my still-red shoulders that feel like the skin is going to crack every time I move my arms.

"These look sore, Spence."

"They aren't that bad." I'm so lying. I'm in agony.

"Good." She smiles at me as she stands up and I so can't wait for her reaction.

I wait a moment before running up to her and push her in the pool. The last thing I see before she plunges under the water is the look of pure shock on her face.

Okay...don't think I'll _ever_ forget that one. I'm caught up in my laughter when suddenly I realise she hasn't emerged. Shit. "Ash?" I walk over to the steps leading into the water. "This isn't funny." I scan the entire area of her pool, Ashley nowhere in sight. "If you're not dead already, I'm going to kill you!"

I was too busy looking around for her that I didn't see her hiding underneath the water, right in front of me.

She reaches up for my hand so fast I didn't realise it was even _her_ until it was far too late. The last thing _I_ see before plunging underneath the water is Ashley's wet but smirking face.

_Oh well, at least this turkey is cooling off now._


	20. Haven't I Seen This Before?

The heat wave has finally gone and I finally had a good night's rest last night, the only downside being I have gotten used to my naps in class. I hope I can stay awake today. I don't need to give Mr. Tight-Ass another reason to keep Ashley and me apart.

My once lobster-red shoulders are now very nicely tanned. Ashley loves them, and if Ashley loves them, then so do I. Oh, except for the fact she keeps touching them. Now, usually I wouldn't admit this to anybody but I'm _extremely_ ticklish, especially on my shoulders, so when she tries to give me a shoulder massage... let's just say it isn't pretty.

I actually giggled. _Me._

At least Ashley thought it was the cutest thing ever. She said it even topped baby Kris in the 'cute scale'. I took it as a compliment.

Ashley and I only have one class together so we try to make the most of it, which is why when I don't see her in the seat next to mine or _anywhere_ in the class, I wanted to go look for her. I knew she was in school because she came to pick me up early for some alone time before class.

I raise my hand to get Mr. Tightass' attention. "Mr. Tighta-...Hughes?"

I hear him sigh before he answers me tiredly. "Yes?"

I know the only way I can get out of class is to get the bathroom pass. He knows I'm not the type of person to run an errand for someone real quick, I'd just leave and go home. "Bathroom pass?"

He's been in a mood so far today. I can see his mouth forming 'no' and I decide not to give him the chance. I clutch my stomach. "Mr. Hughes, I really need to use the bathroom. _That time of the month,_ you know?"

He's a little flustered. ''Oh...oh, well, yes. Yes, that's fine. Hurry back, Spencer.''

Works like a charm_._

With one hand on my lower abdomen for dramatic effect, I weakly thank him and hurry off towards 'the bathroom'. I'm twirling the pass around on my finger when I hear some guy shouting not far away.

I follow the voice and end up near the parking lot.

I can't believe this is happening again.

Some jock has Ashley backed up near the wall, towering over her and invading her personal space with his body. "Hey, dyke, have you actually ever _been_ with a man?" He stops to look down at her, laughing. ''Maybe you need to before you dry up down there.''

He's leaning even closer to her now and I've _so_ had enough, that fuck wit thinks he can say and do whatever he wants to Ashley, he has another think coming. "Hey!" I run over to them and pull on his arm so he turns to face me instead. "If you ever touch her again, I'll fucking kill you."

I position myself in front of Ashley.

He apparently didn't get it. "I like the whole aggressive domineering thing you got goin' on... wanna go somewhere?"

What a dick.

"Sure, I'll go grab the shovel."

''What?''

I try and stand a little taller considering he's a lot bigger than me. "If you _ever_ touch her again, I'll cut it off." He starts to smirk and that _really_ pisses me off, ''You think I won't? My mom is a surgeon, so I know a thing or two. Trust me when I say _can_ and I _will_.''

That worked. He's walking away now, mumbling about something I can't understand. I don't care.

I turn around to Ashley and pull her into a hug. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"

"No, I'm okay."

Hearing those words make me visibly relax. "Good." I push her off me. "Now…do you want to tell me what the hell you were thinking?"

She looks confused and a little pissed off I pushed her away like that. "What are you talking about, Spencer?"

Oh please. "Don't try the confused routine, Ashley. You know what I'm talking about."

"Uh no... I really don't."

"I'll spell it out for you, then: whenever I see you around those guys, you're like a fucking mute. Tell them to fuck off or at least defend yourself when they have you backed into a corner,"

I've never been this angry with her. It's definitely a new feeling and I don't think I like it. No... I know I don't.

"Just because you talk to everybody like shit doesn't mean we _all_ do."

I furrow my eyebrows at that one. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"You can be a complete bitch at times."

"Maybe so, but at least I don't just lie there when somebody kicks me."

"Whatever," she spits out. "I didn't ask for your help and I don't want you around me, leave."

That's the first time she's spoke to me like that since we've been 'official'. I don't like it. "Why, is all this talking making you sleepy? Should I go get that guy again? I'll make sure to tell him to bring a few friends."

"Fuck you, Spencer."

"Fuck _me_? How about fuck _you_?"

She gets closer to me. "You know what? I'm _sick_ of explaining myself to you. I didn't sign up for this."

Excuse me? "And I didn't sign up for a part time mute but I apparently got one!"

She pushes her way past me, doesn't look back and I don't follow her. I was trying to help.

I haven't heard from Ashley all day and I don't particularly care. I'm still pissed off about earlier and I'm sure she is too. Clay and I are the only ones in tonight, dad is out with an old friend, mom is working and Glen... I don't actually know where Glen is.

We're eating dinner and he's talking to me about the girl he's dating. I'm partially paying attention when I suddenly go cold and my chest tightens.

Ashley. There's something wrong. I don't know if she's hurt, if her world has been turned upside down or any of the other possibilities but I need to find out. I need to apologise for being horrible.

I've called her cell just about a hundred times, each time getting her voicemail. I've called her house, I've called Kat, I can't a straight answer out of anybody and I'm worried.

I'm just about ready to scream when the phone rings. I pretty much dive for it. "Ash?"

"Hi! We're just wondering, are you happy with your current phone plan?"

Ugh! "I would be if you didn't keep calling!" I slam the phone down and I see something out the corner of my eye.

I know where she is and berate myself for not figuring it out sooner.

She's in my usual spot. Not lying down, her legs are just dangling off the edge as she faces the horizon. From this angle she looks so small and fragile and I can't believe how I spoke to her earlier; even just thinking about it makes me cringe.

Walking closer to her I notice she's been crying.

I sit down next to her and reach for her hand. She doesn't pull away and I take that as a good sign. She looks like she'll break if I speak at a normal volume so I keep it quiet and whisper, "I'm sorry."

She looks like she's going to cry again. "I'm sorry, too."

I reach up and pull her face so it's facing mine, wiping away her earlier tears and gently brushing my lips over hers. That's what sets her off again, she's not sobbing, she's crying silently, the tears are running down her face and I catch each one.

My eyes are closed now and I know hers are too. "Spence?"

"Yeah?"

Her voice almost seems to float away with the breeze. "I love you."

I have to repeat that over and over in my head, making sure I really did hear it. I don't open my eyes, I _can't_. If I look at her I know I'll cry. I clear my throat a little, knowing my voice will break if I don't and match her earlier volume. "I love you, too."

I don't know what made her come here. I'm not going to ask yet, I just want to stay here with her in the silence, hoping to make her feel like she made me the last time we were here:

Safe.


	21. Role Reversal

We've been here for a while. We haven't said anything else since but I don't mind because it's not an uncomfortable silence. It never is. I feel like those three words are kind of floating around us but, again, it's not uncomfortable. I like it.

I opened my eyes not long ago for the first time since our confession and everything looks different. You know when you've been sunbathing for a while and you open your eyes and everything is sort of blue? It's a little like that. I wonder if it's really because I've had my eyes closed for an extended period of time or if it's because I'm seeing things differently now.

Time will only tell.

She still hasn't moved or opened her eyes. I turn to look at her and I see the tear tracks that have yet to be wiped clean. It makes me think of the rain, how the earth is left moist to remind you of all the bad things that have just been washed away making a clean slate, to remind you not to make the same mistake twice.

I can't promise that. Ashley is the first person I've ever had or _wanted_ to take care of more than myself and I still have a way to go but I'm going to try my best, hoping she forgives the mistakes I'm sure to accumulate on the way. Hoping it will get easier as time goes on.

With us being silent I haven't had the chance to ask her what's wrong, what made her come here; if it was a sudden realisation or a sudden catastrophe. I'll ask soon but not yet, I don't want to push her.

I've never just _known_ something before. Like earlier when I just knew that Ashley needed me. It's a new experience. Everything with Ashley is a new experience and I can't wait to go even further.

I'm still holding her hand, still giving her that rope to hold on to; to pull her back up if she falls. The same one she gave me. The same one I know she'll always give me.

The same one I know I'll always give to her.

I let go of her hand briefly to stand up and look down to her. She opens her eyes and blinks a few times. I wonder if she's seeing what I see, the different shade. And I wonder if she's wondering what it means, too.

It's not raining this time and it's not dark yet, it will be soon enough though. I reach down to help her up and our eyes lock, reminding me again of the last time we were here, when our positions were reversed. When all I needed was her.

She lets me pull her up and I just stand there for a moment letting her lean on me, taking whatever she needs from me.

###

I don't want to ask Ashley to drive, so I walk in the direction of my house knowing it's a lot closer than Ashley's. It will only take fifteen minutes to get there. I timed it once when I had nothing better to do or think about. Before Ashley.

I'm kind of nervous. I'm not sure I know how to do this. I mean, I _want_ to. God, I want to _so_ much, but what if I mess up? Ashley didn't seem to bat an eyelid with me, everything seemed to flow with her, everything was perfect and she knew right away what to do to make me feel safe and looked after.

I don't think I know how to do that, I don't think I know how to save a life.

It's almost dark now.

We're approaching my house and I notice everybody still seems to be out. I know Clay isn't in because he's the one who drove me to Ashley when I couldn't wait long enough to walk. He said he would be going out too and to call him if I needed him.

I open the door for Ashley and again our eyes lock. I hope mine are telling her that it's going to be okay, that I'm going to take care of her, just like hers told me. I grab hold of her hand and pull her upstairs to my room.

I put the light on as she sits down on my bed and I notice the tear tracks again. I can't take her into the bathroom and shower with her, it's too small. _I_ can barely fit in it, so two people are a definite no. But that isn't my only option.

I leave the room for a moment to run downstairs for a bowl and then back up to the bathroom getting a wash cloth and some hot but bearable water. It's not the best, but it's all I can do with my limited resources.

She's still sitting on my bed and has her eyes on the doorway, waiting for my return. I kneel down on the floor next to the bed and dip the clean material into the water, letting it soak up for a moment. Reaching one hand up to her face, stroking it gently, I trace her tears before bringing the cloth up to her face. Her eyes closed as soon as I made contact with her, before the material touched her skin. I take my time to gently wipe away her pain, trying to make a clean slate. I took off what make-up she had left on her face and I notice that she looks different but in a good way. She looks younger, too.

I press a kiss to her forehead to let her know I've finished and it is okay to open her eyes. She keeps them closed and I'm rubbing circles on her hand to reassure her that it's okay, that she doesn't need to be embarrassed about anything; for needing me, for finally being vulnerable.

I take note of her clothes and I want to go get her something else to wear. They aren't soaked through, they aren't even wet. But have you ever had a moment where something happens, something important, good or bad and you take note of everything? What you're wearing, what you can see around you, what you can smell et cetera. And then with the days, weeks and months that follow you acknowledge the first everything's, the first shower since, the first time you had to go to work, the first time you've been sick, the first time you were able to take a breath and not feel as though you're suffocating.

Well I had that and I didn't want to be wearing the outfit where everything changed, so when Ashley gave me something else to wear I was grateful.

Her eyes opened at some point during my musings and she's looking at me so deeply and so intently that I almost look away. Almost.

We communicate through our eyes for a while, until my knees hurt and I can't kneel anymore. I just went to find Ashley something to wear and I can feel her eyes on me from across the room.

I can't decide what to give her when I spot something in the corner.

I walk back over to her and start to pull her shirt up when her gentle but firm grasp on my wrist stops me. I don't think she wants me to see her with the lights on, without at least _some_ darkness around us. I need her to know that it's okay so I stop my ministrations to look into her eyes once more, hoping they convey everything without having to open my mouth and risk screwing anything up.

Her grip loosens and I wait a moment before pulling it up over her head, replacing it with the oversized hoodie she gave me almost two months ago. Two months that seem a lifetime ago.

I smooth out the bunched up material the best I can, leaving my hands resting on her forearms. She looks tired and I motion for her to lie down. She doesn't argue, doesn't open her mouth to say anything, she just does what I told her.

I dim the lights a little, enough to still see but enough so it's comfortable for her to fall asleep when she needs to. I get into bed next to her, wrapping a blanket around us much like she did for me.

She lifts her head up a little to look at me and I decide that her eyes are always intense, granted some times more than others, but they're still always intense. I wrap my arm around her and she moves closer, putting her head on my chest.

I don't know if she was originally trying to listen to my heartbeat or just trying to get comfortable but I do know that my heart is racing and I know she can hear it, feel it. I know it's just another rope for her.

Pulling her up.

Saving her life.


	22. Clarity

**The chapters following this one begin to get much lighter from what I remember, with much more dialogue, haha.**

* * *

I held Ashley for a long time. She didn't move once from her spot on my chest, her even breaths told me she fell asleep before I did. I just woke up. I had weird dreams. Not uber-weird cheese-man dreams but they were still weird.

I've already forgotten what they were about; movement from the body next to mine erases them almost immediately. It's dark, it's the middle of the night and Ashley is getting up off the bed.

I originally thought she was just getting up to pee but an outfit change isn't really necessary for that. She's putting her earlier top back on, discarding the hoodie across the room somewhere. I don't know why she's putting that top back on and I don't know where she's planning on going this time of night _without_ waking me up.

I think back to the time I left her without saying a word, when I saw her sleeping with Kris on her chest. I now understand why she was upset. I can't help but take it personally. I lean up a little, propping my head up with my hand. "Ash, are you okay?"

She doesn't answer me; she's looking around for something. What, I don't know. I don't really care. I just want to know why she's out of bed and getting dressed. I try again. "What are you doing?"

"I'm leaving."

I don't raise or change the tone in my voice like I want to, I keep it soft. "Why?"

She doesn't answer me; she hasn't even turned around to face me.

I get up off the bed and walk over to her. As soon as my hand made contact with her shoulder she shrugged out of it and turned to face me.

That's when I noticed the fresh tear tracks that mar her perfect skin, that's when I notice my top is a little damp. I can't believe I didn't wake up when she was crying. I reach out to wipe away her tears but she turns her head away from me. She doesn't want me to touch her and I don't know why. I wonder if I did something wrong last night.

I'm replaying the events over in my head when I realise this is one of the times where the silence _is_ an issue. She can't keep ignoring me. "Ashley, why have you been crying? Why are you leaving?" I wait a moment for her to answer me and when it becomes apparent she won't, I carry on, "Did something happen to your mom?"

God, I hope not.

She looks confused. "Is...is she in the hospital, or something?" I continue. I don't get a verbal response but I do get a shake of the head. That's something, at least. Another thought pops into my head and I can barely wait to ask. "Did that guy follow you when you left?" I swear to God if he did...

"No, Jesus. No."

She sounds pretty sure about that and I'm satisfied with her answer but it still doesn't explain why she was crying earlier and why I found her where I did. "Why have you been crying?" I ask her again.

Ashley still doesn't answer and it's starting to frustrate me because I want to make it better. "Look, I can't try and fix it if you don't tell me what it is. I won't get angry, okay? I'll be sane Spencer." I try and make light of the situation but she's having none of it.

She's shaking her head, crying again. "Stop it."

I want to move closer to hold her, wipe away the tears —anything. But she won't let me. "Stop what? I'm not doing anything. I just want to help. I don't want to fight, I want to help you."

Ashley looks up to meet my eyes and I don't know how it's possible but I just seem to upset her more. "Spencer, stop."

What is she talking about? Stop what? "Stop what?"

"Looking at me like that. Doing _that_."

I didn't realise I was looking at her differently but I look away for a second, hoping when I return my gaze to hers I would have lost whatever it is that's making her cry. It didn't work; when I look back she closes her eyes, more tears escaping through the corners. It's killing me. "Ashley, please tell me what I'm doing that's upsetting you so much. I don't know what it is, I don't know how to stop it."

Ashley's eyes are still closed, her voice barely audible even right next to me. "Stop making me fall in love with you."

###

I'm not sure how to respond to that. The pleading edge in her voice has made me cry and now we're just standing in front of each other, breaking.

She's first to talk. Her voice is still low. "I woke up and you were just holding me. I hadn't even spoken to you, not in hours but you were there. You were taking care of me and you weren't asking for anything. Last night, you didn't ask for _anything_. You just took care of me."

"I don't want anything from you, Ashley. I just want you to feel better. I want to make you feel like I did when _you_ took care of _me_." She's still crying when I suddenly realise what's wrong with her. I press on. "That's why you're crying, isn't it? Because I love you. Because I finally said it without any other words getting in the way, and because we had a fight and I didn't follow you."

Ashley doesn't answer me but it doesn't matter. That's all the confirmation I need.

"It's okay; you're just... _incredibly_ overwhelmed." I wait to see if that evokes a response from her before continuing, "Did you even mean it when you said it to me?"

Her tone is firm. "Of course I meant it."

"Then why are you crying? Is it because of how dependent we've become? Because I didn't mean for that to happen, Ashley. I told you before that I didn't know that I would end up feeling this way, I didn't know I was going to fall in love with you."

She's quiet but not for long. "I did."

"You did, what?"

"I knew."

I don't know what to say to that, so I stay quiet, hoping she'll carry on.

"I knew that I would fall in love with you. I knew that we would end up close. I knew things would get out of control. And I did _nothing_ to stop it, Spencer. I did _nothing_, not until it was too late, not until we slept together. And then your mom called me to say you were missing, that your grandfather had died, and nothing else mattered to me. All I wanted to do was find you and make sure you were okay, that you'd _be_ okay."

I open my mouth to speak but she carries on, regardless.

"Y'know, I was so scared when I saw you lying on the floor. It was storming and you didn't look like you even _knew_. I didn't know what to do to make you feel better, I wasn't sure if I could do or say the right things without screwing anything up. I wasn't sure I could take care of you like that."

I can't keep quiet any longer. "Ashley, you have no idea what that night meant to me." I stop to wipe my face; the almost-dry tears making my face itch. "I think somehow you saved me. If you hadn't shown up, if you would have stopped talking to me... I wouldn't be me. The Spencer I am now, I mean."

She nods to acknowledge that she heard me, that she understands. And I decide to try and break the palpable tension. "The Spencer who is completely in love with a hobbit."

She laughs, not her usual laugh but I know it's real. "Shut up."

I smile and reach out for her hand. She doesn't flinch or run away, she squeezes back. "You have to promise me something."

"Okay."

"When you feel like this, you need to tell me. Avoiding me or running away? It won't help. But I will...okay?"

"Okay."

"I didn't hear the word promise in there…" I tease.

Ashley's smiling. "I promise."

I'm about to reach past her and open the door but her grip on my arm stops me. I was going to make us a coffee or something, I doubt we'll be going back to sleep for a while.

"Spence?" She seems kind of nervous and I brush some of her hair behind her ears, hoping to calm her down a little.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

She was nervous to say it again, without the wind almost carrying her words away. I can't help but think she's fucking cute. I put my head to the side a little, grinning. "Really? I had no idea."

That relaxes her, I can tell already. Her posture is different. "Well no, not really. I'm in love with Barney."

I can't help but laugh at that, she's so crazy. "Well in that case, Barney loves you too."

"That's good. Hobbit and Barney are pretty good for each other, don't you think?"

My response is confirming, "I think." She actually nods like she's serious and it makes me want to kiss her. "Hobbit?"

"Yeah, Barney?"

"Kiss me."

"I don't think I can reach. Do you have stepladders, or something? I mean, I don't want you to break your back or dislocate anything. Imagine getting it popped back in."

God, she's adorable. I decide to just kiss her instead. I wasn't planning on a deep kiss, I don't think. I don't know. I just wanted to feel her. But it escalates fast and we end up back in bed. She's touching me everywhere, _kissing_ me everywhere. Her touch still almost incinerates me.

I know I'll feel this for the rest of my life. I know I'll never forget her, that she'll always be a part of me —should we ever lose each other. My invisible scars will never fade, not to me. Every time I look into a mirror they'll be staring right back at me as prominent as the rest of my reflection.

They'll pull me up.

And they'll save my life.


	23. That Damn Coke

Have you ever woken up and thought it was a day later or a day earlier? I did that this morning, I thought it was Friday but it's not, it's Thursday. I didn't think I could make it through another day at school only to go back again the next day, I'd had enough. Ashley made it as bearable as she could but we only have one class together so I was on my own for the most part. I don't mind though, I've never needed many people around me or in my life. As long as I have Ashley and my family I'm fine.

My mom is a lot more lenient with her weekly meetings, now. Ever since Ashley. Of course.

Speaking of Ashley, we got home from school about an hour ago. She's lying on her side on my bedroom floor sniffing a little tub of something. I have no idea what it is, but she's been doing that for at least five minutes.

"Ashley?" Silence. "Earth to Ashley…" She still doesn't answer me. Wow, she's pretty focused in her...sniffing. "This is Barney to Hobbit 1, do you copy? I repeat; do you copy?"

"What?"

Ahh, there we go. "Are you going to tell me what you're doing?"

"I'm sniffing...whatever this is." She resumes her previous task and I get up off my bed to join her on the floor.

I take one look at the label and rip it of out of her hands. "That's enough."

"Spencer, what the hell _is_ that stuff? It's amazing!"

I roll my eyes. "It's _glue_ Ashley. Perhaps you've heard of it before?" I purse my lips together in mock thought. "How can I explain this? When you want something to stick together with another object...like Clay's shoes and the floor, for example, you carefully open the lid and pou—"

"Oh my god, that's glue? Are you sure? It doesn't smell like it."

"Yes."

"Wow."

I laugh slightly at her apparent fascination. "You're so weird."

"Says you?" she teases.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing...nothing."

"No, I don't see 'nothing' with that face."

She smirks before changing her position so she's lying on her back and I briefly consider getting on top of her until she closes her eyes and starts making the loudest snore impression I have ever heard.

Oh God, she heard me? I play it off like I'm not at all embarrassed, "Oh please, at least I don't sleep like you."

"And how exactly do I sleep, Spencer?"

She looks so smug right now and I can't wait for the tables to be turned. I lie on my back and take a second to think how I need to sound before I start grunting and smacking my lips together.

"What_ever_. I do not sleep like that. You're just embarrassed because you snore like a train."

"_You're_ just embarrassed because you sleep like a pig."

She doesn't answer me but I can tell she's embarrassed, the pink tint to her cheeks giving it away immediately. We're pretty caught up in our impressions when Paula walks into the room.

I look up and she has her hands over her eyes. "It's okay, I can't see anything. Carry on."

Oh yeah, those are really the sounds of lesbian foreplay: pig grunts and snores. I fight back an eye roll. "You can look mom, we're decent."

She waits a second before pulling her hand away from her face and grinning at my girlfriend. "Hi Ashley."

I think she likes Ashley better than she likes me...

"Hey Paula, how are things?"

"They're busy but good." She pauses briefly. "The life of a scrubber, huh?"

Yeah, I don't think she meant to say that but Ashley knows what she means.

Ashley sounds like she actually has a lot of experience in that area because she replies with a convincing, "Totally."

I break in. "So, you're home early. Everything okay?"

"Yes, I just came home to run something by you."

Colour me intrigued. "Okay…"

She sits down on my bed. "This weekend is your grandmother's birthday, and it's the first one without... so I just thought it would be nice if we went to see her. A long weekend, maybe?"

I hadn't forgotten about Grandma's birthday and it hadn't slipped my mind that it would be her first one without Grandpa. "That sounds good, mom. But what abou-"

She puts her hand up, stopping me. "I've already spoken to your father, you'll all be excused from school tomorrow. And, of course, Ashley is welcome to join us." She leaves the room, apparently only needing to say that one thing.

Oh my god, I love my mom!

"I don't think your grandma would want me there, Spence," Ashley says as soon as I whirl my head around to hers.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're welcome anywhere I go. And besides, you can't leave me for a _whole_ weekend."

She's smiling at me now. "Aw, you'd miss me? How cute. I'd miss you too."

"I wasn't going to say that, I was going to say that you couldn't _possibly_ leave me alone to go back to Ohio. Do you know how many people would hit on me? You'd be lucky if I didn't come back with half of the Ohio phone book."

She sticks her hand out towards mine. "Hello Miss Conceited, I don't believe we've met."

I grab her hand and pull her closer to me. "Want to get to know me?"

Her lips are so close to mine they brush against them with her words, "I already know your kind, only in it for one th-"

I shut her up by firmly pressing my lips to hers and reaching a hand around to her neck, pulling her closer.

###

My mom didn't give us a lot of time to prepare, we had twelve hours to pack, and _wash_ the clothes in my case, before we had to leave.

Ashley helped me with mine, making frequent comments on how messy I am. It's true; I'm not at all tidy. It must be a gene defect or something. And now I'm at her place, she's packing so much stuff, stuff she won't even need.

"Ashley?" She doesn't answer me; her face is full of concentration as she starts shifting things around in her case. I throw a pair of socks at her head with perfect aim.

"What?"

"So... I can sit back and keep quiet with all the gloves, hats and scarves you've packed, but _really_, a lantern?" I laugh. "Why do you need that?"

"For this." She pulls out a weird looking object.

Furrowing my eyebrows, I ask, "And that is?"

"A solar powered toaster. You know...just in case."

She's so insane, I swear. "Just because I lived in the country, Ashley, does _not_ mean that I was amish."

She stops what she's currently doing, which is trying to squeeze everything into her case. "Really? Wow, okay. But I'm keeping the rest." She's pointing to the mass of hats, gloves and scarves.

I know she won't need them but I agree anyway. "Okay."

###

Thankfully our plane isn't delayed because I hate waiting around in airports. It's so boring, the chairs are really uncomfortable even if I _was_ sat in Ashley's lap half the time. I can't believe she doesn't think they're 'that bad'.

We're boarding, the almost robotic air steward directing everyone to their seats. With it being a last-minute flight we didn't get to pre-book any of the seats, so I grab Ashley's hand and make a beeline for an empty row in an almost-full section with the knowledge that Clay, Glen and my parents will have to sit somewhere else.

###

I'm gripping the armrest and shaking my leg up and down, Ashley has just won the fight with her packet of peanuts, finally getting them open. "Want some?"

"No, I'm good. Do you need some water or a Pepsi or something?" My leg is still bouncing up and down.

"_Coke_ and no, I'm fine." She stops to look down at my leg. "Maybe your leg would like some Pepsi? It seems to have gone into withdrawal..."

I stop it from shaking and try assuring her that everything is fine. She doesn't buy it.

"Of course you are." She looks down to my hands. "Apart from being scared to death, you mean."

"I'm _not_ scared, Ashley."

Ashley takes the hand closest to her and rubs circles on it. "Don't be embarrassed, it's okay." She's looking around for something to distract me. "And hey, there's a movie on soon, it'll take your mind off everything."

"What's the movie?"

"There are two. You can choose either Red Eye or Final Destination 1."

Oh, Jesus. "What?" I squeak out.

"Right, okay, movies are a no. But we still have music. I put your Olivia CD on my iPod."

Aww.

"Aw, baby, you're so sweet." I lean sideways, placing quick kisses onto her cheek.

###

We're about an hour or so into the flight when my bladder feels like it's going to explode. I get up to use the bathroom and Ashley asks where I'm going. "Bathroom."

"Oh okay." She looks busy scrolling through her current playlist to find a good song.

The bathroom closest to our seats smelled like someone had died in there, so I make way backwards to use a different one and of course walk _right_ past Paula. I saw her arm first, spilling some of her drink over the woman in front without even apologising. "Spencer, over here!"

Fantastic.

"Mom, hey. Sorry we couldn't sit together; Ashley and I are kinda bored without you all." I'm lying through my teeth. We're not bored, we're freakin' ecstatic. No adult supervision!

"Aw, honey, maybe on the flight home?"

No thanks.

"Hopefully!"

She looks like she has something to tell me, something that will take up at least ten minutes, "Well, I better be going, nature calls."

"Of course. You go on ahead, sweetheart. We'll see you later."

I said bye and made my way to the nearest free and _clean_ toilet and I'm currently checking my reflection in the mirror to see if I have plane hair yet —I don't. A knock interrupts me. "When the door says occupied, that usually means somebody is in here." Another knock. "You're looking for the word 'vacant'. Wait two minutes and that's what you'll see."

More knocking.

I've had enough. I open the door fully prepared to scream at what I assume will either be a deaf, old person or an annoying kid. It isn't either of those, it's a total hottie. _My_ total hottie.

I close and lock the door behind her. "Hey hot stuff, haven't seen you around here before." Ashley pushes me against the door before telling me to shut up. "Ooh, dirty talk. I li—" She shuts me up by pressing her lips against mine, barely giving me a chance to respond before I feel her tongue on my lips. I don't hesitate in letting her deepen it.

If I knew this would be happening then my initial apprehension wouldn't have been an issue.

She has her hand under my shirt now and she's trying to figure out how to undo my pants with just one hand. I decide to help her out and undo them for her. Her hand is barely past the waistband before a knock at the door startles me.

"It's occupied!" I scream before reattaching my lips to her neck.

"Spencer?"

Oh fuck. "Mom?"

Ashley is trying not to laugh now, failing miserably.

"Is that Ashley in there with you?"

My eyes widen a little before answering, "No, no...that's just the water. It's spitting out or something, why don't you go back to your seat or use a different bathroom?"

"It's okay, I can wait."

This is going to be something I will _never_ live down. I make sure my hair is fixed and my clothes are straight and zipped up before opening the door and smiling sheepishly at Paula, opening the door wider to reveal Ashley.

She smiles knowingly. "Ashley, what a surprise."

"Yeah…that damn Coke. Just goes right through me. I couldn't wait."

She turns to look at me. "I'll bet you couldn't."

Oh, God...

"Well, we better be going. Come on Ash." I pull on her hand and we make our way back to our seats, Ashley trying not to laugh the entire way.

###

With the plane ride from hell over, we made our way to grandma's and got the first meeting out the way. She loves Ashley, just like I knew she would, and now we're at the cabin where Ashley and I will be staying, per Paula's weird request. She told us there wasn't enough rooms for us to all stay in at grandma's and this is perfect as it's only ten minutes away.

Dad drove us here; he just dropped us off and made sure everything was in order before going back to Grandma's.

Ashley took one look at the place and decided she hated it. "Spencer, I cannot stay here."

I look around the room. "Aww, is Ashley scared of being all alone out here?" I tease.

"Ashley is scared of the million bugs that are sure to crawl up her nose while she's sleeping."

I laugh and walk closer to her. "God, you're such a baby."

She smiles for a second before looking at my head, her face turns serious. "Spencer... Spencer don't move."

"Oh my god, get it out, get it out!"

She smacks my head —hard— before saying, "Oh, oh, no. My bad. Nothin' there."

I can't believe she just scared the crap out of me _and_ hit me. She's so dead. I push her onto the bed and we wrestle for a while until I remember the earlier bathroom session that we were so rudely interrupted from. I waste no time in taking off my shirt and crashing our lips together.

###

I was enjoying myself but apparently Ashley just wasn't feelin' it. She pushed me off, suddenly wanting to know where I used to hang out and can we go there.

I'm not one to disappoint a girl, so I got dressed again and we're on our way to another one of my favourite thinking places when I remember something I saw years ago.

"Oh my god, hurry up. I need to show you something."

What is it?"

"Your birthplace.''

''Strangely enough, I wasn't born in Ohio."

I smile but I don't answer her as I drag her around the corner to reveal her 'birthplace'. I don't need to look at it, I have my eyes on Ashley _needing_ to see her reaction. I can't help but burst out laughing at the look of shock and amazement on her face.

"Oh my God, who the hell lives there?"

"_Your_ kind, Ashley."

We're outside the smallest cottage I have ever seen. A dwarf must live there or something...

It took me a while to pull Ashley away from the house. She was truly amazed and I can't blame her. It is pretty impressive. We're on our way to the second location now and I can't help but look forward to the rest of the weekend.

It's going to be insane.


	24. Ghost Train

After showing Ashley her origins we headed to our second and last location for the day. There's absolutely no way I'm going out tonight. After the plane and this afternoon all I want to do is stay in with Ashley and whipped cream. What? Don't pretend you'd be any different.

Ashley is pretty easily impressed. She's still in awe of the fact we have _fields_ in sight. She's so LA. I actually don't know if she was born in LA or moved there when she was little —I'll have to remember to ask.

I brought a jacket out with me this afternoon. I put it on but it's not cold yet. I thought it might get cool later and I don't know how long we'll be laying out here. Ashley won't keep still and it's kind of making me antsy too. "Sit down."

'"I can't, Spence."

"The grass will still be there when you sit, I promise."

"No, I mean if I stop moving, if I sit down, I'll _freeze_."

She isn't serious... "Are you kidding? It isn't even cold."

She stops for a second to look at me wearily. "You really are an alien, aren't you?"

I pout for dramatic effect. "I can't believe you just said that, jerk."

I notice her teeth are chattering and I suppress a squee. God, she's fucking cute. I get up and walk over to where she's currently wearing a patch in the grass. "Want my jacket?"

"Yes! Take it off!"

My eyebrows rise just a little. "Just the jacket or.…" I trail off, teasing.

She doesn't acknowledge it. "The jacket. Hurry up or your girlfriend is going to be a popsicle."

I think about her comment. "So you don't care if I freeze? Ashley! That's not being a good girlfriend."

She quickly puts on my jacket and rubs her arms in an attempt to warm up. "You were the one who brought me to the North Pole, Spencer. God, you poor thing, growing up here; must have been hell, huh?"

I roll my eyes. "Yeah but it's okay. Our igloo was the best in the neighbourhood."

"Huh?"

"Nothing…"

###

We've only been out here for an hour or so and Ashley is sat between my legs with her knees up to her chest _still_ insisting she's going to freeze. I've been trying to think of something to get her mind off the apparent freezing conditions, and you know what they say about being cold and body heat... "I have an idea."

"That's swell, Spence. Just when I'm almost totally frozen."

"Stop being a baby. And anyway...it's a great idea."

She moves closer to me. "Well, let's hear it then. I'm not getting any warmer here."

"Let's go back to your house and see if anybody is there…" Ashley turns around to face me and her nose is a little red. I have to fight back the urge to laugh or kiss her to death; I'm not sure which one I'd pick.

"And then what? Ask if we can go in for a teddy bear picnic and tea party?"

I laugh a little before answering her. "No…we can check to see if anybody is in. You can stand on my shoulders and look through the window." I got a slap for that one. "And then we can sneak in and use the couch or the floor or the bed or the wall...or the shower. Or even—"

"Oh my God, breaking in to have sex in a dwarf house? Spencer! We can't do that."

Damnit. Can you imagine how awesome that would be to blurt out at a Christmas party? 'Oh yeah, the weirdest place I ever had sex was in a dwarf house. We broke in and went at it like rabbits until Sneezy came back and chased us across town.'

"Well, you figure out something to do then."

"Okay…" Ashley is quiet for a second. "What was the first movie you went to the theatre to see?"

Aww, cute question baby.

"It was like the _twentieth_ re-release of Bambi but I don't remember seeing it, my mom just told me about it."

She still hasn't turned back around so I can see her break out into a full and cute grin. "Me too! My mom took me but I don't remember either."

I smile before teasing her. "Yeah...you probably couldn't see the screen from two inches off the floor, huh?"

"Shut up, ass."

I bring her cold hand up to my mouth and kiss each knuckle. "What was the first one you remember?"

"Power Rangers."

Me too!

"Me too! My mom took me and Glen. I only went 'cause the Pink Ranger was the love of my life back then." Turning around, Ashley is looking at me like she wants to burst out laughing. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're _so_ gay. I love it! And yeah…Kimberly was a hottie, I totally agree."

I'm trying to warm her hands up now. "Can you imagine if I moved to LA sooner and we were at the same theatre? Love. At. First. Sight." I poke her with each word.

"Oh yeah, I can see it now: fighting for the same seat, shy glances on my part, death glares on yours..."

I cut in quickly. "And then total make out action on Row R. Which would have been completely appropriate, don't you think?"

Her eyes roll impressively. "Yes, because most six-year-olds make out in movie theatres while watching Power Rangers. Freak." She laughs briefly. "Besides, I'd have my work cut out for me. Pulling that stick out took _forever_."

'"Whatever." I change the subject slightly. "So, who was your least favourite ranger?" Yes, I'm talking about Power Rangers. They were Gods when I was growing up.

"Boring Billy."

"Oh yeah...I hated Billy too. And Zordon, I mean God, get out of the incubator already."

She's giving me that weird look again. "You are so weird... Oh! Alpha! I loved him, he was so cute."

Midway through an eye roll she starts impersonating the 'aye aye aye aye aye aye'. On anybody else I would have kicked their ass and told them to shut up. With Ashley? I can't help but laugh and think it's fucking cute.

"I love you."

"Aye ay-.. I love you too, Spence."

###

We were in the middle of a make-out session when my phone vibrated, making me jump and completely ruining the mood. I checked the caller ID and sighed before opening it.

"Hi sweetheart, everything okay?"

It was. "Everything's fine, what's up?"

"Well, we thought it would be nice if we went to the fun fair tonight with your grandmother, so be ready for seven, okay?"

Uh, no. I have big, huge, gigantic plans with Ashley and the cream tonight. "Isn't it on tomorrow night? I'm kind of tired, might get an early night y'know?" I fake a yawn for good measure.

"You can have your 'big night' with Ashley when you get back, we won't be out late."

Oh God, how the hell does she _do_ that?

I hurried the rest of the conversation up and reluctantly agreed to meet them at the fair at seven.

###

We're at the cabin getting ready. Ashley is wrapped up like nobody's business; she has her hat scarf and gloves on. Oh and she went out to buy a parka, too. Me? I have my thin jacket. "Ashley, you really won't need all that. You'll get really hot after a while."

"Whatever, Miss Antarctica, I can't leave unless I wear this."

I'm ready now, just waiting for her to finishing covering every patch of skin below her chin right down to her ankles. "You're pathetic."

She looks at my watch and pulls on my hand. "We're gonna be late, come on."

Into the fray we go...

###

I saw them all first. They were all standing around by the ghost train, minus Glen. He, of course, got out of it to spend time with some old friends. Paula is the first to spot me and Eskimo Ashley, "Over here Spencer!"

"Hey guys…" I greet them.

"Hi."

I think that was Ashley, it was pretty muffled due to her coat being pulled up over her mouth. Paula isn't quite sure either. "Ashley, is that you?"

"In the freezing flesh."

"Spencer, why don't you take her on the ghost train? It'll get the blood pumping." She adds on a wink.

I can think of a few other things that would get the job done better.

"Uh…"

She walks forward, pushing us towards the ticket stand. "Don't be silly, Spencer. Ashley can hold your hand."

I don't know why she thinks I'm scared of this stupid ride. It's so annoyingly fake and so not worth the time.

"Come on Spence, unless you're scared?" Ashley has the audacity to even _suggest._

I roll my eyes and let her pull me towards an empty cart. With the tickets all sorted the ride — with just us on it I might add— starts up, sounding like it's coughing and going to blow up. Paula is still in view, giving me the thumbs up and making ghost noises until the cart starts moving and now she's winking at us.

I can only imagine what Ashley must think. That shit is scarier than the ride.

I look around bored as we submerge into the darkness, Ashley's hand held tightly in my own.

###

Well, so far I have seen fake cobwebs, a plastic skeleton, a 'cauldron', two green lights and some guy with a white sheet pretending to be a ghost. As soon as his hand made contact I slapped it off and hoped I was glaring in the right direction

Wait a ghoulish second! It's dark, the cart is moving slower than Clay walks and we're all alone. Why the hell didn't I think of this sooner? I try to stealthily snake my hand around Ashley's neck but with her one-hundred layers it just makes a _very_ unfortunate sound which results in me defending myself for the next five minutes. She still doesn't believe it was the leather.

I'm almost asleep on the longest ghost train known to man when Ashley almost gives me a heart attack by screaming and practically jumping into my lap."Something wrong?" I tease.

"Something just touched me!"

What a baby. "Aww it's okay, I'll fight off the monsters for you." I can't see her face with it being dark, but I can tell she isn't amused.

"It's not funny Spencer, I hate these rides."

I can't believe she pulled me towards it when she doesn't even like them. What logic, huh? "I'll be Tommy, okay?'' I pause for a second, clearing my throat. "Kimberly! I'll save you, huah!"

She goes back to her own seat, still having a death grip on my hand. "What the hell are you talking about?"

I roll my eyes already knowing she won't see it but I can't help myself. "Power Rangers."

"I hate to burst your fantasy bubble but they aren't here and there could be another arm lurking around the corner, what are you going to do about it?"

I can hear the cart squeaking around said corner. "Nothing, I couldn't even if I wanted to."

"Whatever."

'"Booooooo!"

"Shut up!"

Ashley is pretty on edge so I wasn't too surprised it pissed her off. "What?"

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Of course you weren't."

She doesn't believe me? I'm fully aware of how stupid this is. "I'm not arguing with you on the ghost train, Ashley." She's quiet and I can't help but feel bad, even if it's not totally my fault. "Okay I'm sorry. Next time I see a hand that isn't mine anywhere near you, I'll slap it away."

I almost jumped when I felt her lips on my cheek. "Thank you, baby."

I can't wait to get back to the cabin.

###

We finally finished the 'sleepy' train and I wanted to just ditch everybody for tonight and go back to the cabin, fully prepared to spend time with grandma tomorrow.

"We're not ditching your Grandmother, Spencer. How will that look?"

"Like we have a life?"

"Shut up, she's awesome." She points over to Paula and grandma singing by the cotton candy, "My grandmother doesn't even know who the Pussycat Dolls _are_."

Yes, they're _both_ singing 'Dont'cha'. Understand why I want to leave now?

###

Per my girlfriend's request we're staying around a little longer. She told me she'll make it up to me and she had better. It better be worth an evening with The Addams Family. Ashley is walking weird because of her layers but I think she's trying to walk in the direction of Paula.

I can't help but dread the rest of the night. It's going to suck.


	25. Ferris Wheel

**Thanks for the reviews, loves. I know RE/FD1 wouldn't be shown on an aeroplane, haha. But it was fun to pop it in. The last film I saw on a flight was The Time Traveller's Wife, so it wasn't all bad. Rachel McAdams makes everything better.**

* * *

Have you ever internally cursed because you don't have a camera to capture a certain moment for eternity? I just have; I never want to forget the image of Ashley waddling over to Paula, slowly turning her whole body, instead of just her neck, around to tell me to keep up.

I obliged and hurried my pace to meet her. I tried to hold her hand but she's put another pair of gloves on, so I had to squeeze my fingers through hers just to keep our hands in place. I think that's pair number three.

She's so pathetic. But I love her.

Dad and Clay aren't standing with Paula and grandma; I don't know where they are. Paula is the first to speak, as always. "You girls were in there a long time. Have fun?"

She scares me.

I don't voice my thoughts; I stay in nice-Spencer mode for grandma's sake. I've never been able to be myself around grandma, and I don't mean that how it sounds but I just feel I have to act a certain way around her and everybody else. I guess everybody does, engaging in small talk with old friends you don't want to see, calling an old friend of the family's to say 'thank you for the birthday card', kissing your bosses ass, etc. Or maybe this is just my teenage years talking. It wouldn't surprise me if it was.

I laugh slightly before answering, "Yeah, apart from Ashley jumping into my lap because something touched her."

I was surprised to hear Paula just say, "Aww," but then I saw her hand make the not so subtle universal _o-kay!_ sign by her side.

I look towards grandma and notice she's been pretty quiet aside from her singing with Paula. "You okay, Grandma?"

She brightened up with that. "Yes dear. I'm fine, thank you."

I think she just wanted me to talk to her and I should, Ashley is right; this weekend is for her after all. She deserves at least one night.

"Would you girls like a drink?" She opens her purse to pull out a few dollars. "Spencer, I think I saw some Pepsi over by the claw machines, why don't you go get yourself and Ashley one?"

Ashley who has been quiet during this whole exchange pipes up, sounding amused, "Yeah... I don't think Spencer needs anymore gas. You should have heard her on the ghost train, she did the biggest f—"

"That's great, Grandma. Thank you!" I push Ashley away from them, waiting until they're out of earshot. "How many times do I have to tell you it was the leather?"

"Whatever, fartass."

I scowl.

###

We have our drinks and Paula told us to wander around for a little while, they'd find us later. I didn't complain, so right at this moment Ashley and I are walking around almost aimlessly trying to find something fun to do in this freakshow of a place. I'm holding her hand again, well I'm _trying_ to. It's so difficult to pry my fingers through hers. I told her to take off a pair of gloves and she told me if I said that again she'd put another pair on.

I'm gonna keep quiet about them now but Jesus, how many did she pack?

My hands feel like they're cramping so I put my arm around her slightly bigger than usual waist, I can't be sure but I think she tried turning around to smile at me, the coat pulling tight against her throat halfway, causing her to cough a little.

"Oh my God, I love these!"

The claw machines; an enemy of mine.

"I hate them, I never win anything." She mumbles something and I smile, gently pulling the scarf away from her mouth to hear her speak. "What was that? I didn't hear you underneath all those layers."

Ashley smiles sheepishly and repeats her earlier words, "I said help me take my gloves off, I'll win you a teddy or something."

Aww. I took off two pairs of gloves, leaving her with two so she doesn't 'totally freeze'.

She's looking through the glass now at different angles, trying to see what some of the hidden objects are. "Okay, which one do you want?"

I mirror Ashley's earlier movements and crane my neck at a different angle trying to see what teddy I want. "Uh...the one with its ass sticking up in the air." I point to a grey teddy with its head buried in a pretty compromising position with another that appears akin to oral sex.

She looked bemused for a moment. "Okay…whore teddy is yours."

###

With just _one_ attempt Ashley won 'Barney's Bitch.' She doesn't like the name. I love it. It took six attempts for me to _almost_ win her the smallest teddy in there. I got it secure, right in my grasp in the claw...and then it fell out just before the collection drop. Not amused.

By that point I was pretty pissed and a few choice words left my mouth. I just wanted to get her something for God's sake. Where was my God-given talent?

We're standing in line for a ride. Ashley wanted to go on the Ferris Wheel. I haven't told her I don't like heights. Well, I don't mind _some_ heights but when I'm not the one in charge of how high I go or how fast, I get scared. I don't think this is going to be pretty.

I swear, the things I do for this girl...

"Come on, Spence. They have two free seats."

I take a deep but unsteady breath and follow her to be 'securely fastened' in with the loose metal bar, willing my heart to slow down in case Ashley actually hears it.

####

OhmyGodhmyGodohmyGodohmyGod-

"This is great, you can see _everything_! Come on, let's look for Paula." Ashley leans right over the edge and I have to fight back a scream.

It's wobbling slightly and I'm starting to sweat. "Oh yeah, there she is." I can't really see her; I just want her to think I'm fine.

Ashley leans out even further, making it sway even more. "Where?"

This is it. Goodbye cruel world. I change the subject in an attempt to divert her attention away from Paula. "So, still cold?"

It worked. "I'm freezing, Spence. I can't believe you're half naked."

I want to be...with you. I look down to my perfectly acceptable attire, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I should charge people to see this, shouldn't I?"

Ashley doesn't answer me, she takes off all four pairs of gloves and reaches to hold my hand. I'm about to say something when she cuts in, her voice dramatically unsteady. "Don't you do that, don't say your goodbyes."

It takes me a second to figure out what she's talking about and I smile despite my terror, joining in with the quotes. "I'm so cold."

"Y-you're gonna die an old lady ... warm in her bed." She adds a cough onto the end of that, making me laugh.

"I can't feel my body."

"Never let go, Rose."

"I'll never let go, Jack."

Ashley laughs at our silly antics and stretches, making us sway slightly. This time I couldn't hide my gasp and Ashley is quick to say, "Oh my God, you're scared! You big baby."

Rolling my eyes, I wave my arms in the air. "Oh my God, Spencer! Something just touched me! Ahh!"

"I so did not scream like that."

The look on her face is so funny and cute. "Whatever, baby." I think for a moment. "And what's with the Titanic talk? We're _so_ more Allie and Noah."

"Right! I'm Noah because I'm totally sweet all the time and you're Allie because you can be a bitch and she was rude when they first met." She clears her throat. "Will you go out with me?"

She's so cute.

"No."

''Why not?''

"I don't know, because I don't want to."

Yeah, I've seen this movie a lot...

She skips forward a little. "Well, then you leave me no other choice."

She starts to stand up and I pull her back down. "Leave that part out."

Ashley shrugs, carrying on, "I'm gonna ask you one more time: will you or will you not go out with me?"

"Fine, I'll go out with you."

"No, don't do me any favours."

I can't believe we're doing this... "No, I want to."

She leans into me a little. "Say it."

"I wanna go out with you."

"Say it again."

I raise my voice for this one. "I wanna go out with you!"

We stopped there. Someone shouted at us to shut the fuck up, Ashley just laughed and kissed me.

###

When we finally reached the ground again I had to wait a couple minutes for my legs to stop shaking, not actually sure if it was from the height or Ashley's kiss. I hope she knows that me wanting to get back to the cabin isn't the only reason I invited her to tag along this weekend. I have been mentioning it a lot. I should tell her. "Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"Me wanting to get back...that's not the reason I invited you this weekend, okay?"

She turns her body to look at me. "I know, Spence."

I bring her gloved hand up to my mouth, kissing it. "Good."

###

We bumped into 'The Addams Family' on our way back around, Paula smiling at our linked hands. I squeezed Ash's hand quickly, it's my little way of saying 'look, there she goes again.' and she squeezed back which is her way of saying 'shut up'.

Clay and dad have been at one of those rifle stands. Clay won something, I don't know what and I don't care to find out. I want to ask Grandma what _she_ wants to do now as she's probably bored. I turn to face her. "So...what do you wanna do?"

She looks deep in thought before smiling. "Do you know what I really want to try? Those bumping cars. Come on, we can all go."

Bumper Cars with the 'fam? This should be...interesting.

###

I tried getting Ashley to sit in with me but she was adamant she'd get her own car. Clay and Dad are in one and Paula and Grandma are sitting together, also. I can just hear that weird static-y buzzing sound, letting me know I can drive.

I can see Ashley; she's got her back to me and is apparently chasing my dad and Clay. I make sure I don't accidentally have my tongue between my teeth and crash into her, making us both jolt forward. I drive away to her laughter.

One down.

She knows it was me. My celebratory 'Ha!' giving it away immediately. "Spencer, you are so dead."

I steer away from her smirking. "Save the sweet talk for the bedroom!"

Okay Paula, where are you?

I'm busy looking around when somebody crashes into me. I turn around ready to give whoever it is a piece of my mind when I see it's Paula and grandma, steering away laughing hysterically and waving their hands in the air.

They're toast! I steer in their direction, quickly gaining speed and bumping right into them, sending my car spinning to the left a little only to get crashed into again by Ashley. I let out a rather unladylike "Fuck!"

By this time Paula has realised it was me. "Spencer, you devil!"

Ugh.

Ashley of course finds that funny. "Yeah Spencer, you _devil_." She laughs as she drives away from me.

Where the hell is Clay? I need some amusement. I stay near the sides, making sure nobody can crash into me when I notice them chasing Ashley. If I do this right...I can get all three of them. I weave in and out of a few people, slowing down at the right parts not to draw attention to myself. I'm in direct line of them now and I press the pedal as far as it will go, happy I made it this far when Paula ruins the surprise with;

"Arthur watch out, our little devil is on your trail!"

Mom!

I don't have time to stop as they move out of the way, my car crashing against the 'wall', right next to a bad painting of Wonder Woman.

_I thought tonight would suck. Too bad I was wrong, huh?_


	26. Ferret on Speed

After realising I'd crashed at an impressive speed against the side of the bumper cars area and the cars were switched off, Ashley ran over to me asking me if I was all right. She looked so cute. Worried and cute, what more could I want?

Grandma loved the ride, she said it was the 'highlight of her night' which bless her, I bet it was. You'd think after _all_ that it would be time to go, right? Wrong. We have to stay a little while longer and I have actually warmed up to the idea of spending time with grandma but after the Ghost Train 'fart', the Ferris Wheel scare and the Bumper Cars crash, I just want to leave. You can't really blame me.

Dad rang Glen just a minute ago. He's at a party. Big surprise. I hope he catches something off the whores he sleeps with.

Ashley has asked if I'm _sure_ I'm okay at least four times.

"You okay, Spence?"

And now we have five. "Ash, I just got the wind knocked out of me. I'm fine, honestly."

I sense a smartass comment coming up...

"Don't you think you did enough of that on the Ghost Train?"

There we go. I give her a look, rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I should probably stop releasing my monstrous gas everywhere, huh?"

Aww, she's laughing. "Totally. Although if you carry on, maybe it'll travel home to Madison. Wanna go get something spicy?"

"I can't believe you just said that, jerk. It. Wasn't. Me." She won't let me forget this trip. Ever.

Sometimes I don't care if we all walk together, but don't you hate it when you're walking around with the fam' and everybody is looking at you as you walk past in a group of like ten, or something? It's like a circus attraction.

Anyway, that's what we're currently doing. Ashley is, of course, right next to me, adjusting her scarf. I see it first and I try and divert everybody's attention to something else but it's too late because now Ashley has seen it, and if Ashley has seen it there's no way people won't know about it.

"Oh my God! I _love_ the inflatable castles! Come on, Spencer!"

Like I said, only a matter of time. Before I get a chance to answer, Paula cuts in. "Oh Arthur! Let's join the girls!"

Wha?

"I'm not one for those kinds of things, sweetheart. I'll stay here with your mother. Clay will go with you, won't you son?"

"Yeah! Come on, Mom!"

Oh, _great_. I'm not too fond of Miss Davies right now. After the tickets and coupons are sorted Clay, Paula, Ashley and I at the foot of the large inflatable castle. Paula is the first one to dive in, bouncing around like a ferret on speed.

"This. Is. So. Much. Fun!"

Ashley is pretty amused, she's telling me how hilarious Paula is and are we going to jump in yet. "You first," I say.

"No, you."

I grab her hand. "Okay, together and not for long okay? I don't wanna get nauseous or fall into mom or Clay."

We jumped in together, bouncing up and apart as soon as we landed. Paula and Clay are jumping near each other, both laughing hysterically. Clay is making a weird sound like the air is getting caught in the back of his throat as he chuckles.

I must have it written all over my face because Ashley is laughing at me, trying to bounce in my direction to say something. I can tell because she keeps opening her mouth to say something and then falling over. It's all very cute.

"Come on, Tigger! You go left and I go right. We'll meet in the middle, okay?"

She nods from her spot at the wall of the castle and I briefly thank God that I don't have anything other than a B cup. Paula looks like she'll get a black eye any second now.

It's taking a while to get to Ashley. We keep falling over and she keeps laughing. I love her laugh. I decide to just dive in her direction and it totally worked in the best way possible. I crashed right into her, knocking us both over and sending us straight to the 'floor'. With our arms around each other's bodies, we bounce up and down on top of each other.

Ashley found it absolutely hilarious and I...didn't. It made me want to go back to the cabin again. I know, I know. 'Shut up'. I got it.

Paula didn't miss that. "Hey now, none of that until you get back home girls."

###

We stopped 'for a break'. We all have either a burger or a hotdog and Ashley using a knife and fork to cut into and eat her burger. I know, it's weird. She said she didn't want to take off her gloves.

Paula of course keeps asking the same question after every bite. "Spence, your food okay?"

I smile. "Same as two seconds ago, mom."

"Ashley, your food okay?"

She nods with a mouthful.

"Clay, your food okay?"

"It's great, Mom."

I thought maybe, just _maybe,_ she would stop there.

"Arthur, how's your hotdog?"

"It's good, honey."

I can't take anymore of this. I stand up and inform everybody that I needed to pee, giving Ashley a look that hopefully says 'you better follow me in there.'

###

I don't think I've ever been more pleased to see the inside of a public bathroom before. Really now, I haven't. Just as I had hoped, Ashley just walked through the door and I practically jump into her arms. "Oh, my _God_. Will tonight ever end, baby? I'm dying out there."

"I don't know why you think it's so terrible. Paula is hilarious and tonight has been awesome."

It's been awesome for _her,_ but maybe she's right; maybe I should try to lighten up. It can't be much longer before we can leave without looking rude. Knowing she's sort of right makes me pout. "I guess."

"Want a kiss?"

I'm dating a genius. I grin before leaning in towards her. "Yeah, don't mind if I do, Davies." She smirks and moves her face away a little so I get her cheek. I take this moment to blow a raspberry on her face.

"You have to do me a favour, then."

"Anything."

"Come on _two_ rides of my choice and then you'll get whatever you want."

I like the sound of that. "That's it?" I'm pretty surprised that's all she wants but agree anyway. "I'm in. Totally."

I walk out of the bathroom, not knowing what expression Ashley wore at my reply.

###

"Mom, Ashley and I are gonna walk around for a bit, okay? We'll see you soon." I walk towards Grandma. "We'll be back in a little bit, grandma. Okay?" I give her a kiss on her cheek.

"Okay, Spence, we'll see you around. Be careful."

Aww, she's a sweetie isn't she? "We will."

I let Ashley pull me in the direction of ride one.

I look on bemused as we reach the carousel. "This is your 'big' ride?"

She smiles and walks over to the ticket guy, getting our tickets. "Yes."

Easy enough so far. I can't believe she brought me to this one, though. I feel like such a tool on one of these things. Paula is sure to walk by and see, too. We sit in one of those double things...the chariots. It's pretty cosy. And not just because of Ashley being next to me with her one hundred layers, I mean it's kind of cute.

It was surprisingly fun. Ashley was being pretty funny and Paula hadn't even walked by.

"Spashley!"

Until now, apparently.

Oh, God... I can just see Paula doubled over in laughter at our name merge and look to Ashley who can't hide her laughter very well. "Ashley, do not encourage her."

She's still laughing. "I can't help it."

I didn't know Paula had a camera until I vaguely heard 'cheese!' and was almost blinded with the flash on the way back around. Ride one better be over soon.

Thankfully right after that it was indeed over. Ashley had to help me down, I was still seeing the flash and couldn't really see that well.

"Okay Spence, last one." She pauses for what I assume is dramatic effect. "Are you ready?" she asks, her voice going a little lower.

I smirk and lean towards her ear. "I was born ready."

"Please, the only thing you were born with was bug eyes and a large head."

Ashley thinks I'm bug eyed? "What?"

She's quick to back pedal. "I don't mean _now_. You know you're beautiful, but you have to admit, when you were first born it looked touch and go with whether or not you'd turn out normal."

"Wow…that was almost sweet."

"I thought so." She pulls on my hand. "Okay, second ride here we come."

I nod even though she didn't ask me a question. "I'm ready."

"One condition."

"All right?"

She pulls off one of her two scarves. "Wear this over your eyes until we're on it."

I'm about to say no when she says, "Remember I said I'd do anything for you? Well that has to go both ways tonight or the deal is off."

I guess I don't have a choice, then. I let her tie it around my eyes and lead me onto Ride 2.

"Can I open my eyes now, Ash?"

She took the scarf from around my eyes because apparently she wouldn't be able to take it off once we were on the ride and made me promise to keep my eyes closed. I've been a good girl, so far.

"Wait a sec."

I can hear the ride starting up and suddenly my stomach nearly drops out of my ass.

"Ashley, please tell me we're on the teacups."

"Okay, we're on the teacups."

She's lying through her perfectly white teeth! "Ashley, I swear to God, if this isn't the teacups when I open my eyes I'm going to kick your ass."

Her laughter meets my ears and I open my eyes when I hear the 'ping' of each bulb going out, signalling our impending start. Oh my fucking God. "Ashley!" I try to steady my breathing. "What part of 'I don't like heights' are you failing to understand? I'll die!"

We aren't back on the Ferris Wheel. Oh no, that would have been expected, right? Right. We're on 'Spin Out'. She's trying to assure me that it's going to be okay but I can't really hear her because I'm so fucking scared. We're moving slowly and I'm trying to remain calm despite the circumstances. I'm not doing a very good job, if you were wondering.

We're picking up speed now, my hair is blowing in my face and my heart is pounding. At my first 'upside down' I nearly threw up on the crowd below. On my second, I got the saliva in my mouth, you know the mouthful you get before vomiting? On my third I tried to swallow it.

On my fourth, I lost the battle.

_Home now. Please and thank you._


	27. Jello Spencer

Fortunately or _un_fortunately —I've yet to decide which, the contents of my stomach didn't land on anybody. I guess it's fortunately because even though Ashley did bring me on here for reasons still unknown, I wouldn't want to throw up on her at this point in our relationship.

The ride just stopped and I'm thankful they at least fasten you in tight on this ride because I don't feel like I have a spine. I'm Jello. Jello Spencer. I can barely hold my head up, it's kind of lolling around at the moment while I try and take deep breaths to solve my current state of vertigo.

I can see Ashley pulling up her front safety bar. "I'm so sorry, are you okay?"

She genuinely looks remorseful and there's no way I can be mad at _her_, I'm kind of just mad at myself that I can't handle a stupid ride. I still can't speak so I just nod slightly to say "no but don't ask me here in front of everybody." I don't know why I always do that, nod instead of saying no or shaking my head.

She helps me out of the seat and we walk down the few steps to exit the ride. I'm walking kind of close to Ashley, I feel like my legs are gonna give way any second and everybody is staring at us. I want to glare at them or say something entirely inappropriate but I can't.

Paula, of course, _can_.

She comes barging through the crowd with water and a brown paper bag. "Okay, that's enough, nothing to see here. What, haven't you ever seen a lesbian throw up before?"

I look towards the floor. Please open up.

She practically pushes the bottle of water into my face and Ashley takes it from her and opens it for me, asking if I want some and I _so_ do. As soon as the bottle left my lips Paula thrust a paper bag over my mouth, telling me to just 'breathe'.

Ashley leans close to my ear whispering that she's sorry and I tell her again that it's okay.

I have a headache now, all that spinning and throwing up has caused it and I really want to leave now. "Mom, is it okay if Ashley and I go now?"

"Of course, sweetheart. Your dad will drive you and Ashley and I'll drive your grandmother and Clay."

We all said our goodbyes, agreeing to meet at noon tomorrow to spend the day with grandma. Dad is driving and the road to the cabin is a little bumpy, bringing back bad memories. I open my window a little and breathe in the air. It smells different out here than it does back in LA. Hardly surprising, I know, but it makes me feel a little better. It makes me think of my childhood.

The journey is over and I can finally leave the car where the car freshener wasn't making things any better. Dad hugged me and told me to feel better and get some rest. I definitely will. I'm not in the mood for anything else now.

I think it's just the past twenty-four hours, this whole night, the plane ride which seems like a lifetime ago, everything. I'm just tired and feeling sorry for myself. I always get like this after throwing up, I can't help it.

Ashley told me I'd feel better if I took a hot shower, so that's where I am right now —in the shower. Alone, I might add. Part of me is bothered and part of me isn't. I just want to wash away this whole evening and this mood I've suddenly gotten myself into with no apparent route of escape.

I take my time in the shower but not too much. I don't want Ashley to think I'm avoiding her and I don't want her to notice my not so great mood.

When I exited the bathroom I saw that Ashley had laid out some flannel PJ's with teddies on them, bed socks resting on top with a thick robe and slippers not far away. It brings a small smile to my face despite my state of mind. She's so cute.

I put them all on even though I knew I'll get hot soon.

Paula didn't spare any cost this weekend. Our cabin is pretty nice as far as cabins in this town go. It has two levels anyway and lots of room with it just being me and Ashley. It's something I'm grateful for.

I make my way downstairs to see Ashley has just finished making us some tea. I hardly ever drink tea but I appreciate it, I think it'll make me feel better.

I know what you're thinking, 'get over it, you big baby' but I can't. When I feel like this it takes a while for me to snap out of it. I sit down on the couch and she puts the tea on the small table next to us, sitting down next to me.

"Feel better?"

I don't want to be honest with her now, so I lie. "Yeah, I feel better."

She knows I'm lying, I can tell. She just nods and brings her legs up to rest on the couch, raising her arm a little so I can lean onto her.

I don't have my head quite on her shoulder but it's near enough. It's quiet so I can hear her heart beating. It's not fast this time, it's steady but strong, she's completely comfortable right now and I like that, I like she can be relaxed around me.

Have I ever mentioned that I can always feel her? I think I have and it's true but something I didn't say was that, as weird as it probably sounds, sometimes I can feel her heartbeat even when I'm nowhere near her. Sometimes I feel it stronger than my own. Sometimes if I think hard enough I can hear it from when I unzipped her jacket and lay my head on her chest. When it was beating faster than my own.

She has her mouth resting on my temple, the spot just before my hairline. She's running her fingers through my damp hair, occasionally pressing light kisses to my skin closest to her mouth.

She has all her layers off now, in case you were wondering. She's either warm for the moment or she's ignoring it. I don't really care which it is, I'm just glad I can feel her again. I always like being able to feel her skin. I don't mind if it's warm or cold, just as long as I can feel her.

With her heartbeat and soothing ministrations to my scalp, I'm falling asleep. I tell her and she agrees it's probably time to go to bed. A lot of time had passed since we got back here, two hours to be exact. It's just after midnight.

We've both finished in the bathroom now, we just got in bed and Ashley has the covers up to her chin, she must have been ignoring the cold downstairs. From locking up, setting the alarm and the hygiene routine, I'm not as tired. It woke me up a little bit, not enough to do _that_ but it's enough so I'm awake...thinking.

And that's really not a good thing when I'm in this state of mind.

I think about the reason we're here for the weekend: grandma's birthday. And then I think about her other birthday's that I remember, where grandpa was alive. Even though months have passed, this is still new for me. It's still at that stage where I have my 'firsts'. This is the first time he hasn't been alive for a birthday of someone in the family. His family.

With my thoughts and just generally feeling like crap tonight it doesn't surprise me that I have started to tear up a little.

As usual, Ashley knows me well enough to know that and she brings me closer to her. "It's okay if you want to cry. This weekend is probably just all new for you and you're tired. It's been a long day, huh?"

I don't want to talk so I nod onto her shoulder, feeling pretty stupid I'm acting like this. I don't want to bring her mood down with mine.

"You'll feel better in the morning, I promise." She pauses. "And if you don't, I'll push Glen's face in some cake for you."

That makes me laugh a little. "You're sweet."

She knows I feel stupid and guilty over the past few hours, "And you…Miss Olivia-loving, Barney-sounding, roll-my-eyes-at-everything, I love you. So, don't be embarrassed about anything, not with me. I've seen you at your worst and I'm still here." She moves closer to me and puts her mouth by my ear. "Just let me love you."

That's what I did; I let her warmth surround me and listened to her silent words, letting her love me.

I know tomorrow will be better.

* * *

**For anyone a little disappointed about the lack of sexytimes, fear not. Ashley definitely does make it up to her, just not in this chapter. :)**


	28. Revenge

Last night with Ashley, with her just loving me, with me just letting her, it was exactly what I needed. I mentioned before about how I'm new to all of this and I'm going to make mistakes along the way; last night thinking Ashley wouldn't want to be there or listen to how I was feeling, that was a mistake. I know that now.

I woke up just a minute ago. I haven't moved yet but I'm sure of three things: 1) It's raining. 2) Ashley is doing that grunting mouth smacking thing again. And 3) I really, _really_ need to pee. I turn over slowly, not wanting to move too quickly in case I wake her without having the chance to just look at her.

I'm usually not a morning person but seeing her with the covers pulled up to her chin, having bed hair and...grunting, I can't help but completely fall in love with her all over again.

I look towards the clock and notice it's almost ten o'clock. The alarm will be going off soon so we need to get up. When I turned over I put my arm across her stomach so I use that to wake her up, lightly rubbing the skin with the pad of my index finger hoping to stir her back to consciousness.

It works but she doesn't wake up, she just grabs my finger in a loose fist and turns away from me a little, sighing in her sleep. I smile and use my other hand to repeat the earlier action, causing her to grab the other offending finger in another loose fist.

Aww. With both hands out for the duration I move down the bed a little and lean my head on her stomach between her arms that hold my fingers. Her moving around in the night has pulled her shirt up a little and I use that to my advantage. I start placing kisses on the exposed tanned skin. I thought I was doing a pretty good job but Ashley doesn't seem to think so, she's still out cold.

I decide to just speak now. "Ash, wake up." She still has my fingers in her hands so I can't really move that much and she still hasn't stirred. "Pigzilla, open your eyes."

I don't know why she's still asleep, I'm not whispering and I'm right next to her. Suddenly I remember last night on 'Spin Out' and decide on a plan to wake her up.

I carefully pull my fingers from her grasp and smirk briefly in triumph at her still slumbering state, I get out of bed and open the window as wide as it will go, waiting a minute for the air to drift in, dropping the already low temperature. I love the smell of the rain sometimes and take a second to enjoy it before looking back over to sleeping beauty.

I let my gaze travel over her content face before walking to the bottom of the bed and gathering the covers into my now closed fists. She's going to kill me. Even with that thought I can't help myself. This is revenge and you know what they say: it's best served cold. I pull them off the bed in one quick motion, her eyes snapping open instantly and I burst out laughing, not being able to keep it inside.

"Oh, my God!" Ashley dives to the bottom of the bed and knocks us both down to the floor, wrapping herself back up as tightly as she can. "Spencer! That was completely uncalled for."

"Hey, I'm not the one who sleeps like the dead." I can barely see her from the covers being pulled up so high. "And you were smacking your mouth again."

"Yeah, and you were snoring."

I ignore that and get up to pee; I can't hold it in any longer. I go to stand and Ashley grabs my wrist in a death grip. "You can't move, we'll both die."

"You're over reacting. It's cool this morning but it's not cold. Besides, I really need to pee."

"Hold it in."

"I can't."

"Spence..."

"Unless you want to be covered in pee, you'll let go of my wrist and let me get up."

She let's go before wrapping up even more, if that's even possible under the circumstances. "Okay you can go, but hurry up and don't pull the covers up with you."

I obliged to her request and spared her the extra torture. I just took a shower and brushed my teeth. I was in there 30 minutes, I like long showers. Ashley is still on the floor wrapped up. I walk closer to the mass at the foot of the bed and notice she's sleeping again.

"Ashley!"

She jumps and her eyes shoot open. "I'm awake."

"If you don't get up right now and have a record-time shower, we'll be late." I nudge her with my foot. "Come on, quick. It's warm in the bathroom." I said the last bit to coax her out of there.

She's fallen asleep again and I decide enough is enough; I'm not going to be late. I pull the covers off again.

She ran into the bathroom.

###

I told her that after I'd finished my hair and applied a little makeup, I'd get breakfast ready. So here I am, trying to figure out how to turn the stove on. It's not working very well. It doesn't like me and, to be honest, I'm not too fond of it either. The piece of crap just keeps sparking at me, it won't light up. I ditch the stove; that relationship is well and truly over. Maybe I'll have better luck with the toaster.

I didn't have better luck. The dial was weird or broken and I ended up with a black slab of bread. How mouth watering. And that, of course, filled the room with smoke so I had to open every window and door. The smoke is gradually clearing. It's enough to see that Ashley has finished with her shower and is standing halfway up the stairs with her mouth hanging open.

I'm about to ask her what's wrong when she skids right past me closing each and every window faster than it took for me to open just _one_.

I think I'm in trouble...

She looks pissed. "Spencer, I know last night wasn't fun for you but really, was all of this necessary? I told you I was sorry like a thousand times and-" She looks around the room. "And why is there smoke in here?"

"Because I tried to cook and this kitchen is cursed. I'm sorry, we'll have to get breakfast on the way or get Paula to make us some when we get to my grandma's."

"It doesn't matter, it'll be lunch soon. I can wait."

I do not like the sound of that, I'm starving. "That doesn't work for me, I'm starving."

She walks over to the counter and pokes at the black bread. "Well, this sure looks delicious."

I roll my eyes. "Oh yeah, almost a shame to eat it."

"Well there's not much in, let's just wait until lunch."

I am starving _but_ I have a Snickers bar in my bag. I know, I know, hardly breakfast food, but let's be realistic, if I don't have it I'm likely to keel over and die. I look over to Ashley who looks cute stretching and yawning. I need to kiss her. "Kiss me."

She raises her eyebrows. "After the stunt you pulled this morning? You'll be lucky if I hold your hand."

I know she'll keep on about that for a long time and the next thing I'm about to say won't go over very well, either. "I hid all your gloves, hats and scarves when you were in the shower. Kiss me and I'll give them all back."

I'm not lying, I totally did.

She doesn't look like she believes me. "You're lying."

"Wanna go check? I think you'll find they've gone." I smirk at the expression on her face before watching her hurry to the bedroom.

I can hear her rummaging through all the drawers.

"Spencer!"

I grin as I put my shoes on. "Yes, Ashley?"

She's at the bottom of the stairs now, looking entirely hopeful. "Please tell me where you've put them."

Like I'll fall for that. "All you have to do is kiss me and they're yours."

She's sarcastic when she replies with, "Yeah because this morning's little stunts have made me crave you."

I don't take my eyes off her as I stand up and walk over to her, pressing my body right up against hers. I lean in so close to her mouth that my lips brush against her as I speak. "Kiss me."

Her lips brush against mine with her reply, "Nope."

Our eyes are locked onto each other's and our mouths continue to connect with my request. "Ashley, kiss me." I can see she's amused now and I have to fight to keep the smile off my face.

"No."

I lean back slightly to run my tongue over my bottom lip before leaning in again. "Kiss me, bitch."

She's almost breaking; her eyes are completely giving her away. "No."

"Kiss me or I'll kick your-" I don't finish that sentence, she puts her hand to the back of my neck, pulling me in for a deep kiss.

This is so much better than toast.

When she kisses me like this, so deep and so slow, I can't stand up. I fall into her and she topples over, landing on the stairs. I don't think she notices, too busy tugging at my shirt. I pull it off and look down, her eyes are darker and there's no way I can wait to get to the bedroom.

With one look she can make me forget my name. If you were to ask me my name right now, I'd tell you it was 'Uh...' One of her hands is tangled in my hair and the other is on the inside of my thigh, I can't help but moan as she moves it closer.

And just like that, she gets up and walks over to the kitchen.

No way...

I have to take a minute to catch my breath and wrap my head around what just occurred. "Uh...kinda wasn't finished there."

She's drinking a glass of water, apparently needing that more than me. "My gloves, Spencer?"

Great. While I'm hotter than the Sahara, she wants to wrap up. Typical. I sigh, knowing she's won. "Under the sink."

We're on our way to meet Paula and everybody now. Ashley is holding my hand despite this morning's 'stunt' and I'm still shaky from the earlier stair session.

_I hope Glen has a hangover._


	29. That's Not Me!

**Ask and you shall receive :P**

* * *

Ashley and I arrived about forty minutes ago. That's _forty_ minutes of pure torture. Glen doesn't have a hangover, Clay is even more cheerful than usual and Paula is...well, Paula.

When we got here she opened the door, apparently having seen us approaching from the street and came to greet us. The first words out of her mouth were, "Ooh, somebody was up until all hours!"

Yes, we were up until just after two but it was totally innocent and does she _have_ to announce it? Jesus.

I'm sitting alone on the couch sipping a Pepsi while Ashley is in the kitchen with everybody else. I think they're trying to fix lunch and that is such a good idea. With my morning 'activity' I forgot to have that Snickers on the way here, so when I pulled it out of my bag ten minutes after I got here just to have Glen snatch it out of my hands, open it and practically inhale it —I was pissed.

I grabbed an empty vase next to me, fully prepared to launch it in attack when Ashley grabbed my hand, telling me to let it go because it was my grandmother's birthday and we could just get him later.

I'm looking forward to that.

Grandma went next door for something, I don't know what; probably just inviting her friend to join us later. The woman who lives next door is Miss Collins. I don't think she's ever been married. I'm not sure though, I'll ask grandma when she gets back, it'll bug me otherwise. They're pretty good friends, anyway.

Don't you hate buying gifts for people, especially family and then trying to hide it from them when you show up to their house? I do. I have two gifts for her and one is neatly wrapped, thanks to Ashley. I didn't think it was that bad but she said it looked like I'd wrapped it with my feet, so she took care of that and I have it hidden in my purse. I have the second gift hidden behind the sofa. I hope she doesn't see it.

Ashley actually got her a gift too, I didn't know until I saw she was carrying something on the way here. I asked her what it was but she wouldn't tell me, she said it's a surprise.

And how sweet is she? Buying gifts for my grandma. Aww. I'm pretty curious anyway.

"Hey, are you okay?" It's Ashley; she's standing by the door.

"Yeah, what's up?"

She walks closer and sits down next to me. That's when I notice she has her hand behind her back. "Aww, did Paula chop off your hand?"

She smirks at that one. "I wish. She just keeps going on about how happy she is that we're together."

Ugh. I keep on with the hand talk, "You know I'd still love you even if you were disabled, so come on, show me how bad it is." I wince for dramatic effect.

"Really want me to show you?"

"Totally. In fact, shove it right in my face so I can see how bad it is. I want a good look at it."

I see her trying not to smirk but I don't say anything. I'm too busy thinking how good she looks when suddenly I have a face full of cupcake.

Let's recap shall we? Turkey Spencer. Jello Spencer. And now, Cupcake Spencer.

With all of those Spencer's being food of some sort, I'm not exactly being consumed...if you know what I mean. "Ashley!"

She's laughing so hard right now and if I were in her position I probably would too but wow, she is so dead.

"Spence, heads up!"

It's Paula. She must have seen the exchange and ran to get _me_ a cupcake. Have I said how awesome she is? No? Well, she is. I break the cupcake in half and throw myself on top of Ashley, rubbing half of it in her face. The frosting smears over the left side and her mouth is wide open.

It's fucking hilarious.

"Spencer!"

"You started it, bad ass!"

I'm still on top of her when I hear Glen making some kind of crude comment. I don't think it would have pissed me off so much if it wasn't for him stealing my Snickers bar earlier.

I get up off Ashley and throw the other half of the cupcake right at his face.

I have perfect aim; it bounced off his nose and left a mark on his shirt. With that he ran upstairs to change, muttering something about having a brother instead when Ashley came up behind me, turning me around so fast I got dizzy and crashed our lips together.

I taste Ashley and cupcake. Mmm.

She's laughing and trying to kiss me at the same time, it's cute but it's not working very well. It's totally distracting and I don't see the small coffee table in the middle of the room which sends us both to the floor.

I'm so going to have a bruise later.

###

When grandma got back a little while ago, she apologised she didn't help with lunch and then went upstairs to change. Not that I would have let her anywhere near the kitchen anyway, not on her birthday. Clay is perfectly capable.

And why do people change into their best clothes for just a small family get together at home? It baffles me. Anyway, lunch was uneventful except for Clay choking on a piece of chicken. I was about to burst out laughing when Ashley kicked me underneath the table.

We're in the living room now as it is present-giving time. I love this time, especially when it's my turn to receive presents good presents.

My grandmother has already opened a few of her gifts. Clay got her a book, I don't know which one but she was really happy when she saw what it was, and mom and dad got her an expensive gift certificate to some spa. Glen got her some gross-smelling perfume she seemed to like and now, now it's my turn.

I'm nervous. I hate buying gifts in case people don't really like them and just say they do to your face and when you've gone they throw it out. I don't usually like _my_ gifts on my birthday. When I was twelve I got a gold dolphin necklace from Glen. Long story short, I hated it and threw it to the back of my closet. Then came Christmas I totally forgot to buy Clay a gift and just wrapped something I found in the corner of my closet.

When he opened it and saw what it was he was pretty confused and tried to keep the look of disdain off his face. He didn't do a very good job, the ungrateful... Anyway, I had a lot of explaining to do which resulted in me saying the guy at the store must have got the wrong one.

Paula caught wind of that and had the guy fired.

I was amused.

Anyway, I'm getting off track, gifts and grandma, right. She's opening my gift that Ashley wrapped now and my heart is beating just that little bit faster in anticipation of her reaction.

"Oh, Spence! It's beautiful. Thank you." She gets up to kiss my cheek.

I'm so glad she liked it! It was pretty expensive. It's a white gold bracelet from a really good jeweller in LA, not exactly what I'd call 'bling' but it's still nice. And she likes it, so score. "You're welcome and oh, I have something else." I reach behind the couch to retrieve the bouquet of lilies and tulips.

She loved them and said that she's lucky she had a free vase in the house to put them in.

It's a good job I didn't throw that at Glen, I guess. I love when things work out. It's Ashley's turn now and I'm really excited to see what she's got her.

"Okay, so first I'd like to say happy birthday, you so don't look a day over 65." She coughs nervously but I can tell it amused grandma, "And I got you something, too. I hope you like it and if you don't, then blame Spence. It was her idea."

I don't know what she's talking about, I didn't even know until we were on our way here.

"Don't be silly, Ashley. I'm sure I'll love it," she says as she carefully un-wraps the layers of pretty tissue paper and the expression on her face is, well, I've never seen her look like that before.

She doesn't speak for like two minutes. Two minutes of silence.

Ashley is nervous and starts to explain, "I saw this in some pictures Paula was showing me once. It was in with some of Spencer's baby pictures and I thought it was beautiful so I got it restored and changed to colour."

I don't know what she's talking about so I move closer to see what her gift is.

It's amazing.

I've seen that picture before; it's of Grandma and Grandpa when they first started dating. They're on a beach, they must have been on vacation or something. She's sitting in his lap and they're both looking at each other with so much love in their eyes. I've secretly always loved this picture. It was a little torn, black & white and faded the last time I saw it.

Now, now it's flawless, coloured and clear.

I can't believe how thoughtful she can be. Wow.

Grandma is tearing up a little. "I don't know what to say, Ashley."

"Say you like it." She laughs nervously.

"I _love_ it. Thank you so much, sweetheart."

Ashley just grinned ear to ear, trying to hide a blush.

###

After the presents were out the way we seem to have gone down memory lane. That happens all the time doesn't it? And then you have to sit there listening to told-a-thousand time-stories.

I don't mind today though. I'll let grandma have a good day.

She went upstairs to get a box a little while ago. It's full of pictures and Ashley and I are going through some together, I'm telling her the stories behind some when I see a picture she most definitely cannot see. Ever_._

I try to shuffle past it as fast as I can but she notices we missed one. "Hey go back, I missed that one."

"It doesn't matter; it's a boring photo, no story there." I start telling her about the current one when she tries to get the pile of photographs out of my hands. "Ashley, stop it! It's nothing, it's just a picture of Glen naked." I hoped to make her let it go with that, but she's relentless.

"You are such a bad liar. It's one of you. I know it." She's still trying to pry the pictures from my hands. "Come on Spence, I've seen alien-you before, what's one more?"

"I said no, accept it." I put my hands on my stomach and lean over a little so she can't get to them.

"Okay fine, we'll skip that one."

I eye her suspiciously. "Really?"

"Yeah, come on tell me about this one." She points to a picture she just got out of a folder.

###

They're talking about Grandpa now and I don't have a sarcastic thought in mind, not one. I'm just listening. Well, I _was_. I've gone off in thought.

I look over to Grandma talking about him so fondly and I wonder how she does that: be strong. I look towards Ashley and I see how in love I am with her and if something was to happen, even from the short amount of time we've been together —I don't know what I'd do. And then I see my Grandma who just lost her soul mate, her life partner. The guy she met when she was nineteen before he joined the navy and five years later when they met again, he remembered right away.

The guy she left her rich but arrogant husband for.

I asked her how she's doing and if she really is alright, and she said she was holding up. The reason she went to see her friend next door was because her friend lost her husband fifteen years ago, so she turns to her a lot lately. My earlier uncertainty over that question was gone, and she told her that today would be difficult but as long as she has us here, she knows she will be fine.

I was about to ask something else when she told me she could feel him around her all the time, she said she can feel him watching her sometimes and it's the most comforting feeling in the world.

She dreams about him. Almost every night.

She told me her friend still dreams about her husband. He's been dead for fifteen years and she still dreams about him. It made my throat a little tight. I think she noticed, she held my hand and told me she wanted to show me something.

We're in her bedroom now, it's immaculate as always. Never one to be messy. She's reaching inside her closet for a little shoebox and I'm sitting on her bed.

Grandma walks over to me and hands me a card. I must have shown my confusion because she smiles and tells me to look at it. I look at her for a second before reading the card. It's old, it looks delicate. It's an old anniversary card, a first anniversary and I smile knowing it's from Grandpa.

I thought the _card_ was sweet, but when I looked inside, I couldn't speak. It was an old rose, it was dead but it still had that red tone to some parts. Pressed.

"He gave me that on our first anniversary together, right before he proposed."

That lump, it's back and it brought a few friends. I honestly can't speak.

"I've been looking at that a lot lately, and I know he'll always be with me. With that rose, his stare across an empty room, my memories, my dreams; they're all keeping him alive." She stops to rub my arm a little. "I'm going to be okay, dear. Just you see."

###

After having five minutes to myself when grandma left the room, Ashley came up to see if I was okay. We've been in here for ten minutes.

"So, Paula said that we can hang out until eight and then meet back here. She made reservations at some restaurant."

I think yesterday I would have made a fuss about going out again today, but after the card just now, I don't mind at all. "Okay sure."

I'm playing with the fingers on her left hand now and I can see she's smirking as she reaches for something behind her back. "I swear to God, if that's another cupcake Ashley."

It's not a cupcake.

It's worse.

So much worse.

Ashley's biting her bottom lip trying not to laugh as she holds out the picture I wouldn't show her earlier. "So... what's the story behind _this_ picture?"

It's me from when I was 13. I was chubby, I had bangs, I had chocolate on my chin and I had braces. Good lord above, why must you do this to me? I laugh slightly, masking my embarrassment. "That's not me."

"Oh please, this has Spencer Carlin written all over it."

I don't have to guess who found this picture for her. Paula is toast. "I..." I don't know what to say, I'm so unbelievably embarrassed.

"Don't be embarrassed, this picture is totally cute."

I know she's serious because she just brought it up to her mouth and placed a kiss on my fat face.

_God, I love her._


	30. Cookie Dough Monsters

We've been in here for a while now, almost an hour. We're just sitting here comfortably. I think we should leave soon though because it's coming up to 4:30 and I don't want to rush to get ready, I just want to spend some time with Ash.

I turn to look at her and she's looking at that hideous photograph yet again. If she wasn't smiling I would have told her to stop, but she _is_ smiling so I can't.

"Are you ready to go?"

She focuses her attention away from my picture to look at me, she's looking at me like she does when I surprise her with something nice or kiss her just because I can. She's looking at me like she loves me. "Yeah, sure." She brings the picture up in the air a little. "Hey, is it all right if I keep this?"

"Why would you want to?"

She doesn't answer that question. "Can I?"

"If you _really_ want to keep it then yeah, it's yours."

"Thanks."

When we get downstairs everybody is still in the living room going through old pictures. "Hey guys, we're leaving for a couple hours, okay? We'll meet you back here at eight."

Paula answers me with, "Okay, I'll walk you out."

Ugh. We walk the ten feet to the front door with Paula behind us as if we would get lost or something. "Okay, so we'll just meet back here later okay?"

"Yeah, sure. Bye."

I step out of the house and Ashley pulls me back. "This afternoon was awesome Paula, we had fun." She nudges me. "Didn't we, Spence?"

"Yeah I had a ...blast."

"I'm glad, sweetheart. Now don't do anything _strenuous_ this afternoon. We can't be late tonight."

Did she really just say that? "Uh..."

Ashley saves me. "Bye, Mrs. C!"

We're walking the short distance back to the cabin when Ashley startles me by suddenly pulling on my arm. "Oh, my God! We need to go to the store. I have _such_ a chocolate chip cookie craving since I saw your unbelievably cute picture."

"Ashley! Don't shout like that, you scared me."

She holds my hand a little tighter. "Everything scares you."

I roll my eyes and start walking towards a store that isn't too far away. I can stock up on Pepsi when I'm there...

###

"Get a cart."

"We don't need a cart. We're getting cookies and Pepsi. You can carry it, lazy ass."

"I'm not eating the ready-made ones; I meant I want to _bake_ some." She walks off to get the cart, leaving me standing here alone.

Ew, I don't want to cook. She's back now. "The ready-made ones are just as good," I reason with her.

"I want to make them, Spence."

She has been with me all afternoon, I should do something she wants to do, shouldn't I? "Okay, let's go get the ingredients."

I hate supermarkets; they're always full of screaming babies or white trash. This particular store, however, seems to be baby and white-trash free.

Must be my lucky day.

###

"Okay, so we have chocolate chips, flour, eggs, butter, milk...what are we forgetting?"

"Well, I _assume_ you actually want to eat them when they're done baking, right?"

She raises her eyebrows a little at that. "Duh."

"Well, I'm no expert but I think sugar would be pretty good in there."

Ashley hurried off to find the sugar and I went off to get my Pepsi, we just finished at the checkouts and finally on our way home when I spot something in the corner by the entrance.

"Let's go get our picture took."

She pulls a face at my suggestion. "I don't really like getting my picture taken."

"Why? You're beautiful. Come on, it won't be that bad. I'll let you sit on my lap." I grin at her.

"I don't know..."

"It'll be over in like five minutes and if you don't like the pictures I'll throw them out." I'm lying. I wouldn't throw away pictures of Ashley; I'd just hide them so she wouldn't see.

"Really? Okay...but if they're bad we throw them out."

I agree, knowing I won't.

###

I get in first, sitting down on the seat. Ashley is still standing outside looking kind of awkward. I pat my legs a little, "Come on, sit on Santa's knee."

She relaxes a little with that, smiling and stepping inside, closing the curtain. She sits down on my lap and looks around a little. "Pretty cosy in here, huh?"

I lean towards her in the confined space we're currently in. "Very."

She doesn't get the hint; she just puts the money in and asks if I want funny pictures of normal ones. I want normal ones. I don't want anything in the way of Ashley's pretty face.

She sits back and gets comfy before pressing a button. "Okay we have like fifteen seconds before it goes off, how's my hair?"

Her hair is fine but I don't answer her, it's going to be messy by the time I'm done anyway. I lean up to her and wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her closer and capture her lips in a soft kiss.

She responds, deepening it a little before pulling away, "Spence the pictu-"

I nod quickly, not hearing half of it and not really caring, pulling her back to me and crashing our lips together again.

*FLASH*

Ashley pulls away quickly, still looking at me. "Spencer, the picture!"

I place my hand on top of her head and turn it towards the screen, faking a grin just as the second flash goes off.

"That's one picture." I mumble as I turn her back around to face me.

She had the same idea, her legs are wrapped around my waist, and she has one hand just under my shirt rubbing the small of my back with one hand on the wall behind me, kissing my neck.

I'm jello again. To say she was an amazing kisser would be the understatement of the year. Decade. Century. Millennium.

*FLASH*

That must have startled her or something because she falls into me causing _me_ to lose balance and I fall sideways out of the booth, pulling the curtain off the rail with us.

###

Nobody actually noticed our destruction of property at the store, everybody looked kind of dead in there, so we got our pictures and left. We're back at the cabin now and Ashley is looking at our pictures.

"These are practically pornographic, Spencer. We can't keep these in case somebody finds them." Ashley stops for a second to inspect them again. "Oh no, we can keep the second one. That one is fine."

I think about those two pictures and get an idea. "We should make Christmas cards from those two, I'm sure Paula would love them."

That brings out a laugh from Ashley. "Totally, or maybe one of those picture birthday cakes."

I laugh with her. "Or a t-shirt, 'My daughter came out and all I got was this lame t-shirt and a picture of them making out, look to my big breasts for the image'."

"Because naturally you'd read the text before looking at hot lesbians kissing."

"Oh yeah..."

She smiles at me and goes over to the bag of ingredients from a little earlier. "Go and get changed, we're making these now."

###

I'm in our bedroom. I just got changed into something completely casual in case I get flour or something on me and of course because Ashley told me to. I think back to this morning when she was wrapped up on the floor underneath the covers, it makes me smile.

Walking downstairs I see Ashley standing at the counter reading the flour packet, wearing her 'Kiss the Cook' apron. She looks fucking cute. Walking up behind her I snake my arms around her waist, letting her lean back on me a little, enjoying her weight.

Remembering her apron, I kiss her on the cheek and remove my arms for a second to walk over to the fridge. I need a drink.

When we got back I specifically unloaded my bag full of Pepsi into the fridge to keep cool. Now, from that time to the present, it's either sprouted legs and ran for the hills _or_ Ashley has hidden it when I was changing, probably to pay me back from this morning with her gloves.

I try and keep calm. "Ash?"

She's busy trying to find the measuring cup so it takes a minute for her to answer me. "Yeah?"

I walk closer to her. "Do you happen to know where my Pepsi is?"

I can see her trying not to smirk. She's not doing a very good job.

She shrugs. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't.

"Maybe you could decide which it is?"

She sets down the now located measuring cup. "I do."

"Could you please tell me where it is?" I have what I hope is an innocent smile on my face.

"Kiss me."

"Huh?"

She's doing my whole routine from this morning. Yeah...it's cute, but damnit, Pepsi? Internal pout.

"All you have to do is kiss me and I'll give it all back."

I keep up the part of 'Ashley'. "Oh yeah because this little stunt has made me crave you."

She walks over to where I'm standing, leaning in so our lips brush as she speaks. "Kiss me."

My lips brush against hers with my reply. "Nope."

Once again our eyes lock onto each other's and our lips continue to connect with her request. "Spencer, kiss me."

I'm trying not to smile now, and I can tell she is too. "No."

She leans back to run her tongue over her bottom lip before leaning back into me. "Kiss me, bitch."

She sounds so cute and I'm trying so hard not to laugh, not to ruin it before the last line. "No."

"Kiss me or I'll kick your-"

I stop her there, kissing her like she kissed me this morning: deep and slow. I know she likes it, the moan that just left her throat lets me know right away. It's difficult to be doing this and remembering to follow through on 'the plan'

I push her towards the counter, trailing hot open mouthed kisses to her throat, one hand is tangled in her hair and the other is between her legs, not quite _there_ when she moans and pulls me back up for another deep kiss. And then with strength I didn't know I possessed —I stopped kissing her and moved away.

She apparently feels the same way I did. "Uh...wasn't quite finished there."

"My Pepsi, Ashley?"

I hear her sigh before pointing to a cupboard next to me.

Ashley 1 - Spencer 1

###

We didn't bake the cookies. Mr. Stove hates Ashley too. So we're on the couch and Ashley is eating the mixture from the bowl. She keeps making these guttural moans every time she has some in her mouth.

"Are you sure you're it's just cookie ingredients in there? No aphrodisiac added?"

Ashley smiles a little. "I'm sure." She dips her finger back in the bowl, bringing up a finger full of mixture. "Want some?"

"No thanks."

"Okay."

I carry on reading when Ashley speaks. "Spence?"

I look up and before I can stop her she rubs the finger full of mixture onto my face.

"Ashley!"

She's laughing now, just like she was at grandma's and I reach out to the bowl, getting a big blob of the mixture onto the three fingers I put in there, smearing it all over her face.

"Spencer!"

"As I said before, you started it!"

She just pouts and I lean onto her. "Okay, I'll try some."

That earns me a big smile and she reaches into the bowl, I stop her. "I'll get it." I lean down to her cheek and lick some off.

She's laughing. "That was so gross."

I laugh with her, leaning down again to taste the cookie dough. "Mmm."

She squirms a little. "Stop, it tickles." I oblige, getting back up off her when she pushes me backwards and settles down on top of me. "I want to try some too."

I bet she does. "I'm all yours, eat me." Yes, I'm aware of the not so subtle innuendo but come on, that moment was begging for it.

She leans down and licks the side of my face, laughing before she's even pulled back. "Mmm, this _is_ good. I like it better this way."

I'm halfway to a grin when she smears a whole spoonful onto my face. My expression isn't a grin right now. "Ashley! I can't believe you just did that."

"What? I'm hungry," is her only explanation, leaning back down to 'taste me'

_She's right, it does tickle._


	31. My Hero

**As always, thanks for the reviews! I'm sorry I've been lacking on updates. This is totally finished but it takes time to edit and I'm really busy slash into writing another fic at the moment, so it's taking up a lot of my time. I'll try to get them out faster :)**

* * *

After the cookie dough was finished, Ashley wrapped up and went outside to get some fresh air; probably an attempt to keep it in her stomach. She ate so much; I don't know how she'll manage dinner in, oh... less than an hour. Great. Time flies when your girlfriend is on top of you, huh?

I've just finished washing my face and making sure I don't have any mixture in my hair. I don't, just in case you wondered. It's a good thing because I really don't have time for a shower, not with how long it usually takes me anyway. Finishing the light touch-ups of my makeup and hair, I make my way downstairs to tell Ashley she better hurry up because I'm not going to be late. Paula will never let me live it down.

###

She's sitting out by a tree with her eyes closed. I can see her taking deep breaths and making sure her hands aren't resting anywhere near her stomach. With the rain this morning, it makes me wonder why she would sit down voluntarily.

I walk over to her and ask, "Why are you sitting on the floor? You're gonna get a cold and wet ass."

She doesn't look up or open her eyes but she is smiling softly. "I'm sitting on a coat."

That explains it. "Ahh." I crouch down a little so I'm almost level with her. "You need to hurry up and get ready; we only have, like, thirty minutes until we have to leave."

That makes her open her eyes. "Okay, help me up and no sudden movements. I think I'll burst."

Aww. I stand up a little straighter and grab her hand and forearm. "Okay, on three?"

Ashley nods. "One."

I don't count to three. Three is expected. I pull her straight up suddenly, just like she told me not to. Gotta be cruel to be kind.

"Spence!"

She looks a little green and I gently place my hand on her stomach, rubbing it slightly. "I'm sorry but it's for the best. It's like…shock therapy, or something." She's giving me a weird look and is about to say something when I interrupt, "Tell me later. Hurry up and change, okay?"

###

She didn't hurry. Or maybe she did but it wasn't enough because we're a whole two minutes late so far. We aren't too far away but I don't want to ruin dinner plans for everybody. I walk a little faster, Ashley trailing just behind. She's over her cookie dough now, she said me pulling her up fast actually worked. I look over to her adjusting her gloves and fight back a smile at how adorable she is.

"Ashley, hurry up."

"Stop telling me to hurry up. I'm walking as fast as I can."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot we have bigger legs than your people. I'll slow down." I start shuffling my feet, 'walking'. It earns me a smack to the arm. "Hey, if anybody should be mad, Ashley, it's me. You totally trumped my gift this afternoon."

I was joking with that and I wasn't sure if she would take it that way or if it would start a fight. I was just about to tell her that when she beat me to it.

She's laughing and hurries to catch up, grabbing my hand. "Aww, I'm sorry, Spence. Next year I'll buy her something cheap and thoughtless, okay?"

We're almost there now, the house is in view. With what she just said, I can't help but smile. She can really see us together next year? I, of course, can't say anything in response so I do what I do best:

I break the moment.

I hook my foot around her ankle, making her stumble and almost fall, and pull her back upright before she hits the pavement. Don't worry, with me holding her hand she wouldn't have fallen, I grabbed her before she hit the floor.

"I can't believe you just did that!" Ashley tries to hook her foot around my ankle but I'm prepared so it's more a weird game of footsie.

I can't help but laugh at her apparent determination. "Stop it, Ashley. It was just a joke. I'm sorry."

"Oh yeah you _sound_ sorry." She stops for a second to carry on with her mission. "I'm not stopping until you're on the floor."

"You mean until you get me on my back? Why didn't you just say so?" I tease.

She laughs and moves her leg around at different angles trying to trip me up, it's not working. Not until she changes her leg and we both fall onto the sidewalk, laughing.

No matter how hard I try, I can't be angry with her, I find it as hilarious as she does. She's pretty much on top of me and I alternate between blowing raspberries and placing kisses to her neck.

"Nice of you girls to join us," a voice cuts in.

Paula.

She doesn't look angry, she has a knowing smile on her face and I push back the upcoming eye roll. We pull ourselves away from each other and Ashley is the first to speak.

"Yeah, sorry we're late, Spencer took forever getting ready."

I look to her. "Excuse me, that was _you_. I practically had to put your clothes on _for_ you."

That didn't help the situation; Paula has broken out into a full grin. Fantastic. I don't give her the chance to say anything, I just suggest that we get going.

###

We arrive to the restaurant and we're waiting to be seated. Everybody keeps looking over to us and it's really annoying. Finally the annoyingly perky hostess walks over to us. "Okay guys! Table seven is all yours. Let me show you where it is."

On my way to the table I notice three things: 1) We're really late —it's 8:30 already. 2) There are _children_ around. And 3) There is a sign saying there's going to be a special guest for them tonight.

Mom couldn't have picked a better restaurant?

Hostess Perky seats us and asks what we would like to drink. I asked for a rum and coke (it rolls off the tongue easier than Pepsi but every member of my family knows that's what I mean), but Paula said no, so I have my usual, sans alcohol.

I look over to Grandma sitting next to Clay and notice that she looks really nice. Why not have a compliment? "You look really nice Grandma."

She breaks out into a genuine smile at that. "Aw, thank you, Spencer. And look," she holds up her wrist. "It fits perfectly."

She's wearing her bracelet I got her. I smile sincerely. "Oh yeah, I see. That's great."

###

We all have our drinks and everybody except for Ashley is talking about something or other. I don't know what, I just know Ashley is quiet. I'm trying to figure out if she's quiet because she's just listening, or if she's quiet for something else. She looks okay, doesn't look miserable or like something is wrong. I think she's just listening.

I reach forward a little and grab her hand and she looks up but she isn't smiling with her mouth. It's more of a smile in her eyes —hard to explain but I know what I mean.

###

We all have our food and Glen looks like he's ingesting an entire cow. His steak is fucking huge.

I take note that Ashley and I both have peas and take a sip of my drink before picking one up and placing it onto the table next to my plate. I look around to make sure nobody is watching before moving my hand to the pea, putting my thumb on the table directly behind it, index finger resting on top ... and launching it right over to Ashley.

She flinches as it bounces off her chin and I hide my laughter pretty well considering.

She knows it was me right away, nobody else at the table would do that to her. Nobody but her loving girlfriend, cue bashful smile from yours truly.

I watch as she puts one of _her_ peas on the table next to her plate and repeats the process of getting it in the right spot so it doesn't hit anybody else. A second later she launches it across the table to me and I don't try to block it as it flies across, hitting me right in the face.

This time she's laughing.

Neither of us was laughing very loud. We didn't want anybody to say anything, we just wanted to be goofy.

I notice Clay looks sleepy and glance towards the big clock above the bar. **9:31.** Loser_._

###

Paula is tapping the most annoying beat onto the table with one of her nails. I can't really shout or anything so I just nudge the hand that's tapping, making her stop and asking if she's having a nice time.

It worked, she didn't start up again after she answered me. And now I really need to pee. "I need to pee." I look towards Ashley. "Do you need to go, too?"

Glen pipes up, with half a mouthful of steak, "Why do women go to the bathroom together? What, you don't know how to wipe your own ass or something?"

Prick.

Paula jumps in before I get a chance. "Shut up, Glen."

Okay, wouldn't have worded that quite the same but it's near enough...

Ashley has gotten up. "Yeah, I'll go with you."

I purposefully bump into Glen on my way, making him choke as he tried to curse at me.

###

We're both finished, we're washing our hands and Ashley is telling me the soap smells gross and it so does. It's the cheap soap that smells like mouldy ass. I start laughing, thinking about that specific scene in The Sweetest Thing when Ashley laughs a little, asking what I'm laughing at. I tell her what movie and she knows what scene I'm talking about.

"Oh my God, you'd be Christine who doesn't know what a glory hole is!"

"It's a good job you just washed your hands, then. I bet you peed all over yourself, didn't you?"

"Oh yeah, all over my right hand. I wasn't going to wash it either."

I think for a second. "Kat can be Jane."

She's smiling now. "The one who got stuck giving her boyfriend a blowjob?"

I can't help but snort at the image of the total one-hundred and eighty of Kat's personality. "Yeah, and then we can sing with her to get her free."

Her brows rise dubiously. "Not with your voice."

I smack her lightly and we have a small make-out session before a little girl interrupts. Damn her.

###

Everybody has finished with their meals and are now on dessert, Ashley and I don't have anything because of our earlier cookie dough. I told her we could pick something up on the way home if she really wanted to.

I'm sipping my drink when I hear all the kids scream and shout an enthusiastic, 'Yay!' I don't find out why until about ten minutes later when the scariest creature known to man walks up to our table.

"Hello!"

It's a clown with bad makeup and the biggest, grossest red nose I have ever seen. It takes everything I have inside not to run away screaming. Why the hell is he here? It's not like there's anybody less than ten years of age at this table.

He's doing some weird sniffing thing with everybody now and he's at Paula's shoulder. I'm next. Everybody is laughing, finding his antics amusing, and I'm sitting here with my heart pounding and force myself not to grab the fork from Clay's hand and stab Mr. Clown with it.

I look to Ashley quickly, hoping I don't have to actually _speak_, hoping my eyes say that she better help me.

He leans over me and begins to sniff me. "Somebody smells nice," he tells me in his weird nasal voice and if I wasn't so scared I would probably hit him.

"Yeah, she _does_. Now move away from her."

Oh my God, Ashley! That was so hot. I'm swooning. He doesn't move to sniff Glen, he just shrugs and walks away from the table. I look towards Ashley and whisper that she is so going to be 'thanked' later.

She just does this sort of shy smile and takes a sip of her drink.

_My hero._


	32. My Pleasure!

We left the restaurant a little after the clown scare and Paula told us we would be leaving for the airport early evening tomorrow, so meet back at Grandma's about four o'clock to spend some time with her before we have to leave. I'm so not looking forward to the plane ride home.

Not unless Ashley plans to finish what she started on the way here, but I have to say, I have major plans for that tonight.

From the countless kisses and interrupted make-out sessions, not to mention this morning _and_ this afternoons cabin sessions, I feel like I'm going to explode —and not in the good way.

We left the restaurant with Paula and my grandma who drove us to her house and dad drove Glen and Clay. I bet he fell asleep on the drive home.

I probably should ease up on the Clay abuse but I can't help it.

Ash and I are walking home now. We aren't rushing like we were a few hours ago, we're just taking our time enjoying the night and each other's company. I'm looking at her and her attention is on a house that's across the street (that used to never give candy at Halloween). She looks so cute all wrapped up again, her cheeks are flushed and I have to admit that it _is_ pretty cold tonight. My hands are cold.

I'm just looking at her thinking of the person she is, how perfect she is. Okay... she has her flaws; liking Glitter and _Coke,_ for example, but I look past that and just...love her. I've never told her this but someday I hope to be the kind of person she is, I want to lose the sarcasm that resides inside of me. I don't want to be sarcasm personified anymore. It gets tiring. She keeps it at bay for the most part, either personally shutting me up or I'm too busy thinking about her that I don't have time for anything else.

I'm lost in thought when Ashley crashes into me, pushing me against a nearby tree, "Ashley that hurt. What are you-"

I don't need to finish that sentence. Her eyes give her away immediately; they're darker, more intense. They make me shiver, make me want her. I hopefully match the look in her eyes and pull her head towards mine, meeting her lips with my own.

She deepens it almost instantly, hardly giving me a chance to respond, but I don't mind and neither would you.

She's leaning right onto me now, her leg pressed between mine. She puts pressure there, making me arch up off the tree we're currently leaning against. I remember where we are and if I just wanted to kiss, then I would stay out here for a while. But kissing isn't where I plan to stop. I never want to stop.

Except for right now, of course. "Ashley." She's sucking at my pulse point, making it beat that much faster. I try again, "Ash we can't do this here, come on. Let's get back and we can finish."

I don't know how I managed to get all of that out. Granted it wasn't more than a whisper but I consider it an accomplishment under the circumstances. My eyes drift shut as she starts an assault on my ear.

"Can't," is her breathy reply.

"Can't, what?" I ask, my voice pretty much matching hers.

Ashley stops her assault on my ear, trailing kisses from my jawline to my mouth. I respond fully until she pulls away, answering my question, "Can't stop kissing you." She proves her point by meeting my lips in another kiss.

It started out fast, rushed, but now it's languid and deep. My legs are worthless; Ashley is practically holding me up. "Home. Now," is all I manage to say and she nods, grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the now very much far away cabin.

###

After an almost unsuccessful attempt at getting through the door —because the lock got stuck and I cursed; loudly, before we managed to get inside. Ashley almost breaks the door off its hinges by slamming it shut behind her.

"Eager to get upstairs?" I tease as she walks closer to me. Her eyes look almost black, making me breathe a little harder.

"Who said anything about upstairs?" is her reply before pulling me closer to her, snaking one hand around to the small of my back, the other tangled in my hair making sure I don't move away as she kisses me. I can honestly say that moving away from her is at the bottom of my list of things to do - right after dying.

I turn us around to push her against the counter, cupping the side of her face and pushing myself right into her, causing her to moan and pull away from me breathing heavily. I take this moment to taste her neck and I feel her pulse. It matches my own in its rapid beat. Her hand tightens around my waist and one shoots out to the counter to steady herself, apparently missing completely and getting the stove instead, and unlike this morning —it actually ignites.

I pull away and can't help the laugh that escapes from my lips. "Wow, our foreplay is enough to ignite Mr. Stove. Are you feeling pretty good about yourself right now? I know I am."

She grins and presses a button to switch it back off. "I _was_ and will again if you shut up and kiss me."

No problem there.

I smile, leaning back into her and kiss her like I did this afternoon: slow and deep, her tongue meeting mine immediately. We're both fighting for control but honestly, I couldn't care less, just as long as she doesn't stop.

She pulls away, our lips parting loudly in the otherwise silent room, pulling at the bottom of my shirt, I lift my arms up, allowing her to remove it before I feel her lips on my breast, mirroring our first time together and placing her hand over my heart for a second, closing her eyes. Mine close too and the act of her just feeling me, feeling me _alive_ makes it beat so fast it stops for a split second before resuming erratically, thumping into my ribs aggressively.

She's wearing too much, far too much.

I pull at her coat and her zipper gets stuck halfway. "Why the hell did you wear this Ashley? It's so not practical right now."

She laughs and pulls it down with such ease that it makes me wonder why _I_ couldn't do it before in the first place. I pull on her shirt and she raises her arms, letting me take it off to reveal a hot red lace bra.

Mmm.

I don't waste time taking that off either, my eyes locked onto hers the entire time. She follows my previous actions and unclasps my bra, keeping her eyes locked onto mine until I get tired of standing and pull her towards the stairs. We don't get very far before she kisses me again and loses balance, causing us to fall over. I hardly felt anything though, just Ashley's hand that is now pressing exactly where I want it the most. I groan and pull us up towards the bedroom, pushing her onto the bed roughly.

"Spencer, careful." She's serious but she's amused too, her almost mischievous smile clueing me in.

"I wouldn't be like this if you didn't wear so many damn layers. It took forever to undress you and that was only half way."

"Whatever, come over here."

I climb onto the bed from the foot of it, slowly making my way to her and settling between her legs. I moan at the pressure there, as does Ashley, and feel the heat radiating from her centre. I press into her a little as I lean up to capture her lips once more.

It starts off as almost chaste, closed mouthed kisses, progressing to deep, wet open-mouthed kisses that match our passion and grow in ferocity until I can't breathe. I pull away breathing akin to never before taking a breath. Waiting a second for my heart to slow down a little before leaning back down to her chest, I pay the necessary attention to each breast before she's squirming beneath me, moaning.

I drag my hand down past her firm abs to the waistband of her black pants, undoing the easy button and dragging the small zipper down. I lift myself up off of her to pull them from her legs, not wanting anything between us. I discard them across the room somewhere before running my hand up her smooth legs to her thighs, slowly. Repeating this process a few times before she sits up to crash our lips together.

Unlike the past couple times we've made love, I feel her remove my pants, she takes them off so slowly that I wondered if she'd stopped more than once. She gets on top of me, reversing our earlier position, pressing into me rhythmically.

My eyes feel like they're going to roll out of their sockets and every nerve ending is on fire. _I_ feel like I'm on fire. And in a way, I am. I'm burning for her. I don't want any barriers between us, so I remove our remaining underwear and resume to our previous position.

I thought last time felt good. Now... now I'm almost sure she's going to kill me.

I wrap my arms around her neck, pulling her down for a quick but deep kiss before turning her over and reaching down, entering her with ease.

Her eyes shoot open and stay wide for a second before slamming shut and moving her hips up to meet the thrust of my hand, moaning in turn with each one. I don't need to look down to know that her toes are curled either, just like I know mine will be soon.

Alternating between thrusts and strokes, it doesn't take long at all to feel her walls tightening. Her breathing is so fast right now, her chest moving in and out rapidly with each exhalation and gasp.

She's almost desperate now, moving faster and with that I move faster, wanting her to feel good. Ashley starts shaking and I quicken my pace even more, ignoring the approaching cramp in my hand as her walls clamp down on my fingers almost painfully, her scream echoing around the room.

I hold her for a moment, brushing the hair out of her face and gently kissing her face as she calms down a little. I asked her if she was okay because she'd been quiet for quite a while and she just opened her eyes, opened them so slowly and looked at me so deeply and so intently that it felt like she was inside of me. That alone told me she was okay, _more_ than okay.

She leans up and kisses me so hard I can almost taste blood, reversing our positions so she's on top and wastes no time before latching her mouth onto my chest, placing it on all the right spots, the spots that drive me crazy. I arch up into her, inadvertently bringing our centres into contact again and I don't fight back a long moan.

If we started the stove earlier with our kisses we could start a forest fire now, or maybe challenge volcanic ash in temperature. Ashley leans further down, tasting my stomach that now has a thin sheen of perspiration over it. She skips where I need it the most, trailing kisses from the inside of my thighs, right down to my ankles. It's driving me insane, so I sit up and pull her towards me, our lips meeting once again.

We both moan into it and she pushes me back down to the mattress, our chests pressed together. I can feel her heartbeat again, it's fast. She has her lips attached to my neck when she enters me. My toes begin to curl instantly, just as I knew they would, and I let out a moan so guttural that I wasn't even sure it was me.

Ashley's pace is fast, as is mine. I lift up to meet each thrust and it takes even less for me to feel it approaching. My heart is beating out of my chest; I can hear it thumping in my ears and tell myself to breathe before I pass out.

She's alternating between rubbing and thrusting now and I swear to God I'll be dead by the time it's over. I feel myself start to shake and she moves faster, harder, bringing it out quicker. I come with the loudest moan that has ever left my lips.

After removing her fingers, Ashley lays down beside me, still holding onto me and occasionally pressing kisses to my shoulder. She just told me she loves me and I tell her that I do too; meaning every word but barely getting it out before I fall asleep or black out.

My last thought is:

_At least I went this way._


	33. A Playmate For BB

Oh my God, I'm alive! That was my first thought this morning. Can you really blame me? I think not.

I haven't turned over to face Ashley yet. I know she's awake and she knows _I'm_ awake because she has an arm draped across my stomach and I'm playing with her fingers. I'm thinking about this whole trip and how great she's been. I have a surprise for her later. If I can get away from Paula this afternoon, that is.

It's just after eleven a.m. Usually that's early for me on a weekend, but with this particular one being our last day here before school tomorrow, I don't want to waste it sleeping.

I start to sit up to get out of bed when Ashley pushes me back down. "Don't move."

I turn to look at her face; she has her eyes closed. "Why?"

"Because it's freezing and I'm naked. Talk about frost bite in places I'd rather not think about."

That makes me smile. "You're such a baby. And I'm sorry but I have to. We have things to do today and I really need to pee."

"No, really, you can't move."

"Unless you pulled a Kathy Bates, I think I can." I stop to rotate my ankles. "Yep, still there."

She moves closer to me, her face half buried in my pillow and half in my shoulder. "God, I can't wait to get back to civilization."

I don't answer her; I just smile and sit up again. "I'm going to shower. Try not to fall asleep again, okay? We can just hang out before we leave."

Ashley mumbles an agreement into my pillow but I'm pretty sure I'll find her sleeping when I've finished showering.

###

I couldn't help the satisfactory sigh that escaped my lips after what must have been the longest pee in history left my body. I'm brushing my teeth now, glad that Ashley doesn't squeeze from the middle or top of the tube. I can't stand that and Glen does it all the time at home.

I finish up and catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror; I have toothpaste dribbling down to my chin. I know, right? How attractive. I can't help it though, how can people brush their teeth properly and have any remaining dignity when they look into a mirror? I know I don't.

The shower has steamed the room up during the past few minutes and I step into the wide cubicle, moving forward a little to be directly underneath the powerful spray of hot water, letting it cleanse my body. I close my eyes and take a deep breath, letting the steam fill my lungs before exhaling and repeating the process a few times.

Being under the shower and lost in thought, I didn't hear Ashley walk into the bathroom, brush her teeth _and_ get inside the cubicle with me...not until I felt cold hands touch my sides.

My eyes snapped open, I nearly fell over and if Ashley hadn't have caught me when she did, I definitely would have. "Jesus! You scared me." I breathe for a second, letting my heart rate come down before realising she actually joined me in the shower.

I had a busy night, give me a break.

"Miss me?" I tease.

"No, it's just warmer in here."

"Whatever, you missed me."

Ashley smiles at me. "I missed you _and_ it's warm in here. Win-win, right?"

"Right." I lean in to give her a kiss but she pulls away.

"Okay, so...shampoo?" She reaches down to pick up the bottle of shampoo from the corner.

"Yeah…shampoo." I hold my hand out for her to give it to me so I can 'wash her hair'. She hands it over and turns around, leaning her head back slightly for easy access to the top of her head.

I raise my eyebrows and stare at the bottle for a second before dropping it to the floor, the sudden loud noise making her turn around.

"Want me to pick it up?"

"Uh...no."

She furrows her eyebrows. "How are we going to wash our hair?"

This time I furrow _my_ eyebrows before pulling her body flush against mine, fighting back a groan at the blissful sensation of her body being so close. "Ashley."

"Yeah, Spence?"

"Shut up," is all I say before pressing her against the wall.

###

We washed our hair...eventually.

Most memorable shower, ever.

Ashley is getting dressed and I'm here in the kitchen trying to find something to cook. I'm optimistic Mr. Stove will be co-operative today. He got a free show last night so he _better_ be.

"You're not trying to cook again, are you?"

It's Ashley, she was fast getting dressed.

"Excuse me, at least I know that you need sugar to make cookies."

"I knew that, I just forgot at that particular moment in time."

I put on the apron she got yesterday; the 'kiss the cook' one and she notices. "Aww, you look cute." She walks over to give me a chaste kiss.

I grin and tell her we're making pancakes because it's the only thing we have the ingredients for.

###

We managed to light Mr. Stove again but found that unless you're actually leaning against the counter caught up in a kiss that it doesn't work. I was smart enough to know that, of course, and didn't hesitate on having another make-out session.

Her lips are dangerous.

Ashley is waiting for 'Bob' to cook.

Don't worry, she didn't win a fish on Friday at the carnival, she just _named_ her pancakes and I've yet to ask her why.

"Ashley, why did you name your pancakes?"

She shrugs and I see she's got flour on her face. Not that I mention it. "Why not?"

"Why...do?"

She smirks. "Why _not_?"

I laugh at how crazy she is. "Forget it."

I turn away from her, walking over to the sink wanting to get a glass of water. When I turn around Ashley walks right up to me with her hands behind her back.

I thought she was going to throw flour in my face so I ducked my head.

I didn't need to bother; she just placed both of her hands over my breasts, making me more than happy. "Round four, already?" I thank God for my good luck and lean in towards her mouth. "I'm in."

She's smirking. Why is she smirking? I look down as she pulls her hands away.

She put her hands in the flour bag, so I now have Ashley's flour hand prints across my chest. I can't help but pout. "Tease."

"Gotta keep you on your toes."

###

With my pancakes and _Bob_ cooked, we're on the couch digging in. Ashley keeps flicking through the channels though and it's kinda bugging me. "Stop doing that. Just leave the next channel on and eat...Bob."

She obliges to my request which actually saddens me when I see what's on.

"I used to _love_ Dawson's Creek!"

I'm not surprised Ashley likes it. "Ew," is my only response before focusing my attention on the piece of pancake that keeps dropping off my fork, pissing me off.

"You can't say you hated this, Spence. You must have at least liked Pacey and Joey."

I vaguely know who she's talking about, having watched a few episodes of the earlier seasons before I couldn't stand looking at James Van Der Beek any longer, his permanent smug smile pissed me off.

"I guess."

"I loved them together. He was an ass to her and then they fell in love, becoming like...best friends."

"How original." I say but knowing it's like Ashley and I.

She stopped talking, she's just eating now and I know I've offended her, that was kind of insensitive and I'd be pissed if she said that to me so I decide to break the slight tension, reaching across to rub her leg. "You're my best friend, Ashley. You know that."

I said the right thing. She just broke out into the biggest grin, making her nose crinkle in that more-than-adorable way. "You're my best friend too, Spence."

###

I hate packing.

First you pack to go away, then you unpack to stay, and then you pack to go back and even unpack to stay again. It's so annoying. Anyway, that's what I'm doing. I don't have too much but it's still annoying to find everything and fit it all in again. Ashley has already finished and it makes me wonder how considering she packed double the amount I did.

I find Barney's Bitch and smile, remembering how cute Ashley looked with her scarf pulled up over her face before she told me she would get it for me. I put him into my case and walk over to the drawers, opening them to reveal the 'pornographic' pictures from yesterday. I'm definitely keeping those.

I don't put them into the suitcase; I put them into my pocket.

That's everything from the bedroom. I walk into the bathroom and check for any toiletries left behind but there aren't any. On my way back out, I say a silent goodbye to the trusty shower.

###

We're on our way to my grandma's now. Dad offered to come pick us up but I declined his offer, wanting to spend an extra ten minutes alone with Ashley.

"Wanna go say goodbye to your house?"

She laughs at that. "No, thanks."

"Sure?"

"I'm sure."

Ashley just rang the doorbell and I'm dreading seeing Paula this afternoon. I bet she'll answer the door.

The door opens to reveal a smiling Paula. "Girls."

"...Woman."

Ashley nudges me. "Hey Paula, sleep well?"

That was the worst thing Ashley could have asked.

"Yes I did, and I can see you two _didn't_." She grins, taking our bags off us and walks into the house.

"You couldn't have just said hello?"

She smiles apologetically. "Sorry."

I nod and reach for her hand, pulling her inside with me.

_

I think thirty minutes or something have passed and I really need to get going so I have enough time to follow through with my stupid little surprise for Ashley.

I tell grandma to excuse me for a second and walk into the kitchen to see Paula laughing hysterically at something on the laptop. I walk closer to see what site she's on. I roll my eyes seeing that she's on lol Jesus dot com. "Mom?"

She's wiping some tears away. "Yeah?"

"Can you stall for me? I have something I need to do and I don't want anybody to know."

"Of course, sweetheart. But don't be too long, okay? We need to leave at seven and you need to spend time with your grandmother before we go."

I nod. "I know. I'll be back soon. Thanks, mom."

###

I was longer than expected. First the place wasn't open, so I had to bribe some guy with twenty dollars to let me through, and then I spent God knows how much on the actual 'surprise'. I sneak through the back door and Paula is at the table again, this time with Ashley who is laughing along with her at some 'fag' Jesus cartoon.

"There you are! I've been looking for you."

I look towards Paula and hopefully tell her with my eyes that she needs to leave. She gets the message, nodding subtly and walks into the front room to show my grandma the earlier fag picture.

"Yeah, sorry, I had to go out for something."

Ashley pulls a face. "You didn't put an offer in for that house, did you?"

I laugh at the ridiculousness of her question. "Not quite."

"Then what were you doing?"

I pull the hand from behind my back, revealing her stupid 'surprise'. "I was getting this."

Yeah... I went back to the fair and spent a fortune trying to win her a teddy, eventually getting one. Stupid thing.

She takes it off me slowly, smiling. "I can't believe you did that."

"It was nothing... It's no house." I laugh. "And hey... Barney's Bitch has another playmate."

Ashley doesn't answer me, instead she pushes me against the counter —making sure we're away from any stoves and kisses me with such a force I have to hold onto her.

She pulls back slowly. "Thank you."

I clear my throat. "No... Thank _you_."

She laughs slightly and I pull her towards the living room, knowing someone will call us in there if we don't go now. My heart is still beating faster from her reaction and kiss.

_Yeah...I'm definitely alive._


	34. Tell Me You're Kidding

Ashley and I have just came into the living room and there aren't many seats, so I let her have the seat and I'm on the floor sitting in front of her legs. Paula is sat next to grandma with the laptop, waiting a moment for her to put on her glasses before clicking on the appropriate window to pull up the gay Jesus picture.

Grandma laughed.

And laughed.

...and then laughed some more.

She laughed so much her false teeth dropped down a little, scarring me for life.

I tried to keep the look of disgust off my face, really I did, but I either didn't hide it very well or Ashley just _knows_ me that well because I got a less-than-subtle knee in the back, telling me to stop I presume.

It kinda hurt. I think I have a bruise there from yesterday. To prevent her from doing that again I grab both of her legs and wrap them around me, putting her feet onto my legs so they're resting on my thighs and then place my hands on top of them so they don't get cold. It feels nice.

Paula and my grandma are still laughing. Not a lot... it's more like the last few chuckles that escape your lips after something exceptionally hilarious and then a little later you think of it again and have to try not to laugh.

I should be pretty thankful I have family as accepting as they are. I know I should, and if Paula was some overly religious mother I know I'd complain just as much...or probably even more.

It wasn't too difficult to come out to grandma. I'd hardly even thought about it, to be honest. Call me naive or stupid or whatever, but I just thought about coming out to my mom and then she would 'spread the word', so to speak.

And while she did proudly tell her friends, she told me it was up to me to tell any other family members.

When it was time to tell grandma and grandpa I wasn't _that_ nervous. I mean, they were never homophobic towards anybody else and this was me; they were either going to accept it or they weren't. Thankfully, though...they were fine. They said they already knew from my lack of boyfriends from a certain age and old pictures.

I know right, _pictures?_ I asked them what they meant by pictures and grandma went upstairs to get an old album. We skipped past ones I'd seen before and then there was a few I hadn't seen for some reason, or just never really noticed.

There was one of my walking and holding hands with a boy, him looking over the moon and me looking like I would murder anybody who dare speak to me; another one with us still walking but me suddenly having a smile on my face, looking towards a cute redhead.

And the last one was me standing next to the aforementioned redhead, handing her my ice cream cone and sporting the biggest smirk in history, my 'date' in the background looking like his puppy had died.

Good times.

I'm brought out of my reverie by Paula suddenly bursting into another fit of giggles, grandma not far behind.

Halfway through an eye roll I catch a glimpse of the clock and notice that it's already 6:30. It took so long to win that teddy and now we don't have much time left.

I usually find that when you visit family and it's almost time to leave, conversation drops in the last hour and then during the last twenty minutes it's a huge case of remember when's and you can't shut anybody up, thus making it that much harder to leave.

That's what it's been like for the last ten minutes, anyway. Paula is speaking now. "Remember when Spencer got kicked out of McDonalds when she was six, for starting a fight in the ball pit?"

Everybody except for Ashley, of course, remembers and starts laughing, agreeing it was 'classic' and it so was.

She leans closer to me, laughing. "How the hell do you get yourself into those kinds of situations, Spencer?"

I turn around to face her, still holding onto her feet to keep them warm. "I didn't start it. Some jerk stepped on my foot, and who am I to let somebody get away with something like that? I picked up the nearest plastic ball and threw it as hard as I could. I had fantastic aim, even back then, so it bounced off his left eye socket and looked like it came pretty sharp. It was quiet for like two seconds until he burst into tears."

She looks mildly amused. "And then what? Or is that the whole story?"

"Well, I wasn't with anybody except for my mom. She was in the restaurant, or so I thought, and I was in the ball pit. Anyway, the guy is crying for his mom and then, like, four guys started throwing balls at me. Most of them had really bad aim so they flew past me, until one hit me right on my mouth."

"Uh-oh."

"I know, right? Anyway, that was it y'know; it was war. I moved even closer to them and took out all four within fifteen seconds. I hardly had time to bask in my glory before a worker there told me to get out."

She laughing and after a while, adds, "If you were six, how do you remember it all so well?"

"Well, remember I said I thought Paula was in the restaurant?" A nod. "She wasn't. She caught it all on tape. She was in the corner of the room filming the entire time telling everyone 'that's my daughter' before we were told to leave the building."

"I _have_ to see that video when we get back."

"Sure. We have tons you can see, but if I show you my home videos, then you have to show me some of yours."

"Okay."

Everybody starts talking about Clay and I zone out, thinking about how cute Ashley must have been as a kid and how I can't wait to see some pictures or something.

It's time to leave now and I'm really not looking forward to leaving her alone again. It's just me and Ashley to say our goodbyes now. I walk up to her and hug her. "Are you sure you'll be okay?"

"What did I tell you yesterday?"

"That you'd be fine but I-"

"I'm going to be fine. I have good friends, Spencer; friends who have been through this before and are helping me through it now. Plus, we still have our weekly phone calls."

I think about what she's said and nod, letting her know I'll call in the week some time. She pulls me back in for another hug and I return it gentler than I want to in fear of hurting her. "I'm gonna miss you, you know."

I hear her laugh slightly. "I'll miss you too, Spencer."

After that she practically squeezed the life out of Ashley while telling her she's welcome there any time and thanked her again for the gift. We're on the way to the airport now, Ashley and I are driving Paula's rental car and Dad is driving everybody back in his.

I'm glad they didn't get one of those people carriers. Ashley and I wouldn't have had any privacy, and knowing my luck Clay would be in the seat in front, making conversation.

Ashley has a rock radio station on and I switch it to one I like, smiling as old school Mariah starts up.

"You pretend to be such a badass, Spencer, but listening to music like this doesn't really scream danger."

I turn to face her. "I never said I was a badass."

"I didn't say you _said_ you were a badass. I said you _pretend_ you're a badass." She pauses and moves a hand off the steering wheel to poke me in the stomach. "You're just a softie."

I smile and roll my eyes, looking out the window.

We pull up to a red light and I start laughing.

"Why are you laughing?"

I point to a guy walking down the street looking like he has a shit in his pants, causing her to burst out laughing and tell me I'm 'so weird'

###

Our plane is delayed.

Thirty fucking minutes of sitting here doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. Fuck all.

My ass hurts. They _really_ need to invest in some new seating. I get up and take the one step it takes to reach Ashley, picking up her magazine off her legs and sit down, smiling at how much more comfortable it is and then re-open her magazine for her. I put it on my lap so she can read it better.

Ashley doesn't say anything; she just looks up and smiles at me. It's really cute and I lean down a little to kiss her cheek.

With Ashley focused on her magazine I look up to see Clay doing his 'happy dance' at winning yet another Sudoku game.

Definitely adopted.

Paula has just come back from Starbucks with a coffee for herself. I don't remember her asking me if I wanted one... Not that I _do_ but it would have been nice to have been offered, right? It's the thought that counts.

She stops walking and picks up something off the floor, spitting out her coffee as she sees what it is.

I look closely and notice the length of the object in her hand.

No...I would have felt it.

I quickly feel inside my pockets and close my eyes, cringing. Shit. I don't dare look in Paula's direction. I know what she's holding and I can only _imagine_ what she's going to say.

Ashley shifts in her seat. "I need to pee, can you move for a sec?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Paula knows and if you leave she'll come over here."

She looks confused and I don't want her to ask _what_ Paula knows so I stand up and tell her if she isn't back in two minutes I'll rip her ticket in half.

Okay, so...I wouldn't really do that but I'm desperate here. I'm pretending to be engrossed in Ashley's magazine when Paula sits down in the seat next to me.

Three, two, one.

"Hey, Spence."

"...Hi."

"How are you doing?"

"I'm okay... Are you?"

"Oh, I'm fine, sweetheart. I have my coffee." She waves her cup around a little.

"That's... great." I clear my throat and pull my magazine up towards my face a little more, shrinking down into my seat.

"Have fun this weekend?"

"Yeah, it was y'know...fun," I finish lamely. Where the hell is Ashley?

"I thought you might say that."

I swallow thickly. "Oh?"

She pulls out her earlier finding. "Well, yes. I mean, you don't have pictures like _this_ and say you had a bad time." She laughs, inspecting them again.

Ashley, I need reinforcement! I can't speak, I'm so embarrassed.

She points to the last picture with Ashley practically on top of me. "I like your hair in the third one."

Ew.

"Uh, thanks."

Please go away, please go away.

"Hey, Spence."

It's Ashley, hallelujah!

"Ash! Hey! Here… come sit." I pat my legs rapidly and Paula moves to go sit next to my dad, taking the pictures with her, still smiling at them as she walks away.

Ashley sits down and I wait a second. "What the hell took you so long?"

"I was washing my hands."

"With what? Did you leave the airport and get water from the river? You took forever, Ashley."

"Jeez, I'm sorry."

I sigh, knowing it wasn't her fault. Paula would have caught up with me eventually. "No, it's okay. It's me, I'm sorry. Paula found our pictures."

"What pic-" Her eyes go wide. "Please tell me you're joking."

"She isn't angry. If anything, she loves you more now."

Ashley doesn't answer me; instead she gets up off my legs and sits on the chair next to me. "Why are you sitting there? Come back," I request.

She turns away from me.

Great, the silent treatment. Thank you, Paula.

_Maybe she'll cheer up on the plane._


End file.
